Friday, October 8, 2010

Thanks, Husband!

I'd been working on a post about how I hate trying to decide what to wear every damn day, when it happened. The gift I'd been expecting from Husband since Monday, showed up. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Oh, how sweet, Husband got you a present". You would be wrong!! (and yes, Husband, I know you read this, and I know you're thinking, "but I do get you REAL presents all the time! Besides, I TOLD you not to kiss me!" And you're right, you do, and I love them!! However, this one you could have kept all to yourself! As for kissing you, do you REALLY want to go there?)

You see, the present of the day is this virus straight from the evil darkside. It starts out all small, and you're all "that's it? I got this whooped!" Yeah, you go ahead, keep thinking that. Then WHAM!!! It's going to feel like you've been run over by a fucking bus. And not one of those cute little buses either. Oh hell no, this is like the 747 of buses.

I can't breathe, then I can't stop my nose from running. Then I start sneezing & coughing. And hell, that was the EASY part. I've now moved on to no fucking energy what so ever, and have at least 61 goldfish swimming & jumping in my stomach. We won't even go into what the hell is coming out of my body. (If you're picturing the Exorcist, you got it half right).

Now, if I was a good Mommy, I'd be telling my children to run, find a friend to stay with. However, Oldest thinks it is just freaking hilarious that his dad gave me this crap. Now there's this little part of me is thinking, "oh, you think this is FUNNY?? I hope YOU get it so you can see how funny it is NOT."

Ok, not really. I wouldn't wish this upon him at all. I would say I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy (who the hel is that, anyway??). I think though, that I would wish this on Ex. (Yes, Husband, I know we agreed when I started this thing I wouldn't put anything out here that could bite me in the ass. However, I am NOT wishing him dead, or wishing for any serious harm. I am simply wishing that he can experience this lovely virus second by wonderful second! See, now thats not so bad, is it? Oh, it is? Oops....just oretend I never said any of that part then.)

Ok,  im going to go suffer through this crap from the comfort of my bed. Fuck, ok, bed = BIG spiders. Im going to go suffer from the comfort of the couch. Yes, i know im already on the couch, so technically I'm not GOING....Shit, even when im sick, the brain worms think they need to have a say!

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