At this time last year, I was selling my art online. I sold at least one painting a week to people all across the United States. I no sooner had one painted, and it was already being sold.
I didn't intentionally put down my paintbrushes. I simply decided one day that I was taking a vacation from it for a week or two. My week or two has now turned into 9 months.
9 months is enough time for the human body to produce a living, breathing being. Yet I haven't been able to produce on painting?
I still do tattoos, so it's not like I walked away from art. I really have no excuses for not doing at least one painting a week.
I'm suffering from ome major guilt here. I put something off that I truly enjoyed. And I really have no excuse for it.
I came across pictures the other day of some of my paintings. That made my guilt even worse. Now I really want to start painting them again. The only question in my head: Am I REALLY wanting to start painting them because I'm still going to ENJOY it, or am I doing it because I've guilted myself into it?
There's only one way to find out. Paint one picture.
If it leads to another, then I know I'm doing it for enjoyment.
I'm really hoping for more than one painting. I miss the relaxation and fun I used to get from them. I miss getting the feedback from buyers on how much they are enjoying having them.
Maybe I just answered my owner fears. If I'm missing all of that, then maybe it's not guilt after all. Maybe it's missing that little window in time that was all mine. The moments where I could create my own little piece of the world.
I guess we'll find out tomorrow when I pick up the paintbrush and put it back on the wood. (Yes, wood. I paint folk style art on reclaimed pieces of wood. And they sell. Go figure.)