Tuesday, May 24, 2011

What I Do

When I sit down to write out a blog that's been in my head for hours, or sometimes, days.........it never fails. Instead of the blog I'd had perfectly written in my mind, a thousand other things scream at me inside my head to be let out.

Me, being very stubborn, refuse to listen. I spend 45 minutes staring at a blank screen. Or I get lucky and get about ten words typed.

Somewhere around that 45 minute mark, I say fuck it.

I go back to the blogs I subscribe to, check out what everyone else is posting. Blog hop from here to there, and then from there to everywhere.

Then I make it back to my blog, which I've promised to write in, and my mind is blank. That perfectly "written" blog in my head is gone. Poof. Disappeared. Brains worms ate it.

All those things screaming to be let out? They are now down to a dull whimper. Brain worms are working on them.

But, I did get to read some awesome posts by some of my faves. That counts for something, right?

Am I the only blogger who has this problem? Lie to me. Even if you have never had this problem, make me feel normal. If even for just one teensy tinsy second. Please??

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Well, I survived the end of the world. I guess that makes me one of those left behind.

I truly believe the rapture happened. It's just that there weren't as many virtuous people as everyone claimed.

God came down, took a look around, and asked, "What the fuck happened to all these people?"

Jesus replied, "I don't think we want their kind in Heaven. Can we just take our daily quota and call it good?"

God: "I think you're right, son. Can you imagine the traffic jams we'd have in Heaven? Not to mention the fact that our sewer system can in no way handle this many people. "

Jesus: "Thanks for seeing things my way. How do we choose which ones to take with us today? You know that Camping guy is a definite leave behind. He'd probably claim that we weren't running heaven the way the bible says to."

God: "Let's just go with the usual. Eenie Meenie, Minie, Moe.........and you are one of the chosen ones. Ok, I picked the first one. Your turn!"

Jesus: "I don't want to pick. Don't you remember my mistake yesterday with that lawyer?"

God: "How were you to know? He went to church, seemed to give to the community. It's not like we can watch everyone every single second. Back in the good old days, we didn't have to worry about it. If they took the time to go to church, it was because they actually meant it. Not like now days where some go just to put on a show."

Jesus: "You're right. Awww...hell. Let's just close our eyes and throw some darts. Whoever it lands on, we take. As for the rest of them? Let them think that guy was wrong. I don't have the energy to create any huge disasters today."

God: "And I don't want to destroy that beautiful place I created. They'll kill themselves off soon enough. Ready to go play that game of checkers now? Loser gets to be the one to let Lucifer know he gets to deal with the rest of them."

Ok....so I'm a little off when it comes to this, but seriously - what if the rapture REALLY DID ALREADY HAPPEN? And really, would you want all of us relocated to the same place at the same time? That would be a logistical nightmare, even for a higher being!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Special Needs

I have a child with "special" needs.

There, I said it. It's not easy writing that down. Or saying it. Or admitting it.

My child has no real "label" that can be stuck on him. Currently, he is "clinically depressed". Severely. 

But then there are the symptoms that do not fit under that nice, neat label.

There are days I think I see signs of autism. Others, I see ADHD. Still others, severe anger issues.

He gets commended on any and all state assessment tests. Yet, hand him a homework paper and he ends up in the fetal position.

Ask him his opinion. He won't have one. The standard answer is "I don't know". 

I finally got him to admit, that yes, he does know. However, he is so afraid that certain people in his life will be mad, or no longer love him, that he chooses to NOT answer, instead of risking making someone feel "bad".

The new psychologist sees it all as depression.

I'm not saying she's wrong. She may be completely right. She deals with these issues every day. (Ok, so do I, but I have not been trained to understand all the hidden diagnosis'.)

She also feels that she knows what may be causing this depression. She  has spoken with me at length about it. Since his dad has only been to one appt, he seems to choose to hide from it.

Which, to me, also means he's trying to place the blame anywhere but on himself. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all is fault. But he played a part. A bigger part than I even want to admit.

I have a child with special needs.

But it's ok.

That child is very special to me, so it would make sense that he has special needs.