If you've read my blog over the past few months, you know that we have had nothing but problems with Progressive insurance. I finally gave up, and am writing any and all people at Progressive that I can get a hold of. I've also decided to make the letter I'm sending to their CEO public. I have posted it on my facebook, on Progressive's facebook page, here on my blog, and anywhere else I can get it.
I decided that the further I can get this spread, the better. Maybe, I can get some attention to my issue if I do! So, I'm asking all of you, dear readers to please copy and paste this where ever you can find to do so (yes, please, leave all my info in it!!), or provide a link back to this post.
LETTER:
November 1, 2011
Glenn Remwick
CEO
The Progressive Corporation
6300 Wilson Mills Road
Mayfield Village, OH 44143
Re: Claim # 11-542xxxx
Date of loss: June 16, 2011
Mr. Remwick,
On June 16th, 2011, as I was taking my son to a doctor appointment, a deer ran across the road as I was travelling southbound on HWY 287, between Dumas, TX and Amarillo, TX. Due to traffic conditions, I was not able to avoid hitting the animal. When I called Progressive, while sitting on the side of the road with the State Patrol, I was told I needed to find my own towing company. I did so, and this is where the problems began.
I was informed by the Progressive office in Lubbock, TX, that an adjustor, Adam Quapp, had been out to take part in a tear down of my vehicle, and to do an adjustment on it, on or about June 24, 2011. According to the body shop, it was actually Gene Weaver who did a quick adjustment on my car, and only after much coaxing from employees at the shop. A tear down was never performed on the vehicle, according to two separate body shops. No pictures of the alleged tear down have ever been provided to us, even though we’ve asked on several occasions.
I received a settlement offer of $6400.46, dated June 30, 2011 from Mr. Quapp. This is well below NADA, KBB, and several similar base cars on lots in the area. As the car has a custom paint job, an aftermarket hood with scoops, is a Limited model, and has remote start, I did not agree with this valuation.
After getting no where with Mr. Quapp, we were transferred to Laura Caffey, also out of the Lubbock, TX office. On the phone, she brought the settlement offer up to the range of $7000 on July 28, 2011. 45 minutes later, she called back with an offer of $9583.00. While Ms. Caffey is getting warmer, she is still no where near the cash value of our vehicle. When I asked Ms. Caffey about the comps they had been able to find, she claimed that none could be found in the area, but that I was more than welcome to find them on my own, which I did.
A similar car, was selling for $9000, in the area. The PT Cruiser for $9000, was found at Auto Sales and Finance in Amarillo, TX, on or about July 29, 2011. This PT was a 2002, had 126,000 miles, had moderate hail damage, rough and highly stained interior, peeling and missing paint, and a damaged front bumper. It was also a base model, did not have an aftermarket hood with scoops, did not have turbo, did not have custom paint, no sun roof, and no remote start. The approximate value of these items, not included on this car are as follows: Mileage and year model difference: approximately $1800, hood as what is on our 2004: $735, Custom Paint as what is on our 2004: $3200, Remote start: $350, Limited Edition Package: $1126, Turbo: $700, sun/moon roof: $235. Not even taking into account the damage to the body and interior of the comp vehicle, the value of this vehicle with the additional features would be $17146.
A car with similar customization, was listed in the area for $13,995, and was found at Budget Car Sales in Amarillo, TX on July 28, 2011. This car is three years older, does not have turbo, does not have remote start, has similar mileage, and is a base model. The approximate value of these missing items are as follows: Limited Edition: $1126, Turbo: $700, Remote Start: $350, for a total difference of $2176. The difference in the years for this being a 2001 and ours being a 2004, more than makes up for the 10,000 mile difference on the odometer. If all options on our 2004 would be added, this would bring the list price of this vehicle to $16,171.
I have also been able to find several comps online, with prices starting at $10,995, for same year model PT Cruisers, with none or little of the custom parts and/or paint.
I informed Ms. Caffey of these vehicles on or about July 29th, and was told that she would have someone out to look at them. A few days later, Ms. Caffey stated in a phone conversation that she no longer planned on sending anyone out to look at the comps, at this time.
We did purchase additional custom coverage to help protect our investment on the custom paint and accessories, and our policy will show this. However, even though I was assured when I purchased this coverage, that it would cover a total loss, and also called Progressive’s main number on or about June 30, 2011, and was told that custom coverage would be part of the valuation of a total loss. Ms. Caffey, has been adamant that the custom coverage I bought and paid for, will not help with a valuation on a total loss. After reading over our policy, paper work that Ms. Caffey and Mr. Quapp have sent, and reading directly from the Progressive website, it is my understanding that yes, as I was previously told, this ACPE is part of a total loss claim. We have provided documentation to Ms. Caffey about the value of the custom paint, and the aftermarket hood. In addition, we have informed Ms. Caffey of the remote start, valued at a minimum of $350, that was on the vehicle at the time of loss.
Comps provided by Progressive, through Ms. Caffey, on July 26, 2011, are from Vernal, UT, Killeen, TX, and Topeka, KS. These comps are well over 450 or more miles away, the closest being 485 miles away, while the comps I have provided are within 50 miles, making them a more accurate representation of the ACV on this vehicle, in this area. Further, even though I have given Ms. Caffey documentation on all custom parts, paint, and accessories, which totaled over $4000, on the comps she provided, she only gave us credit of $485.
In a letter dated October 17, 2011 from Ms. Caffey, she claims I invoked the appraisal clause on June 16, 2011 – the date of the loss. While I did say in October that I was prepared to take this to the appraisal level, I never formally invoked this in any letter, or in writing in anyway. In the same letter, Ms. Caffey states, “We work hard to provide a hassle free service for you and recognize that we have missed the mark on this loss.” I, personally, consider this a huge understatement.
This claim has gone on for almost five months now, and has gone from total loss, to repairable, to total loss, back to repairable, and once again, back to a total loss. I would hope that Progressive does not treat most long time customers as I have been treated during this drawn out process.
I am open to negotiations on this settlement, if they are reasonable, and not only look out for the best interest of Progressive, but also look at for the best interests of myself. In the event that a negotiation can not be reached, I am prepared to take this as far as need be, and as far as the legal system will allow.
I hope to hear from you soon regarding this matter.
Sincerely,
Babette Jinkins
xxx x xxxxxxx
Xxxxx, TX XXXXX
Ph: XXX-XXX-XXXX
babette75 @ windstream.net
cc: Laura Caffey – email and certified mail
Mike Campos, certified mail
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I Can Relate
My 11 yr old has a habit of finding a hiding hole whenever the world gets to be too much for him. He will crawl under a desk, in a large box if one can be found, or he will make his own lean-to in the back yard with a piece of wood and the fence.
He's escaping into his own little world, even for just a few minutes. Where no one can stress him out, or cause him harm. It lets him calm down. It lets him feel safe. It lets him pretend the outside world doesn't exist.
Today, I want a hiding hole of my own. Just a nice, quiet, dark place where I don't have to deal with anyone or anything. Even for five minutes.
Today, I can honestly say, I can relate to youngest.
He's escaping into his own little world, even for just a few minutes. Where no one can stress him out, or cause him harm. It lets him calm down. It lets him feel safe. It lets him pretend the outside world doesn't exist.
Today, I want a hiding hole of my own. Just a nice, quiet, dark place where I don't have to deal with anyone or anything. Even for five minutes.
Today, I can honestly say, I can relate to youngest.
My Etiquette Rules
I've decided I'm going to write an etiquette book for people who move into their boyfriend or girlfriend's parents' home. Or at least a long list. Either way, it will probably contain the following:
- You should always treat your significant other with respect. Parents don't like it Mich when you treat their child badly.
- You shall be gainfully employed. If you are not, you will actively look for employment until you are.
- You will not sleep until 1 in the afternoon, or later. The only excuse for this should be if your gainful employment is working a night shift.
- You should always pick up after yourself, and do your own laundry.
- You should not have to be asked or told to help around the house. This should be done from day one.
- When sitting down to dinner, females are served first. If not everyone is seated, you can not serve yourself, and definitely should not begin eating.
- In addition, you should not take it for granted that you can serve yourself twice as much as anyone else at the table, one the first serving. If there is enough for seconds, make sure that no one else would like any before you take it all for yourself.
- You should not stay up til all hours of the night/early morning playing video games or watching TV. Just because you feel you have nothing to do the next morning, others in the home most likely do.
- The bathroom does not suddenly become your personal place to spend half the day. Other people need to get clean, groom, and relieve themselves, too.
- You should not assume that you are entitled to all the privileges and benefits of being a blood member of the family.
- Failure to follow these simple etiquette guidelines may result in your life being significantly shortened.
Well, that's a start.....trust me, I have at least 100 more.....and it seems that daily, I can add at least one more item to my mental list.
- You should always treat your significant other with respect. Parents don't like it Mich when you treat their child badly.
- You shall be gainfully employed. If you are not, you will actively look for employment until you are.
- You will not sleep until 1 in the afternoon, or later. The only excuse for this should be if your gainful employment is working a night shift.
- You should always pick up after yourself, and do your own laundry.
- You should not have to be asked or told to help around the house. This should be done from day one.
- When sitting down to dinner, females are served first. If not everyone is seated, you can not serve yourself, and definitely should not begin eating.
- In addition, you should not take it for granted that you can serve yourself twice as much as anyone else at the table, one the first serving. If there is enough for seconds, make sure that no one else would like any before you take it all for yourself.
- You should not stay up til all hours of the night/early morning playing video games or watching TV. Just because you feel you have nothing to do the next morning, others in the home most likely do.
- The bathroom does not suddenly become your personal place to spend half the day. Other people need to get clean, groom, and relieve themselves, too.
- You should not assume that you are entitled to all the privileges and benefits of being a blood member of the family.
- Failure to follow these simple etiquette guidelines may result in your life being significantly shortened.
Well, that's a start.....trust me, I have at least 100 more.....and it seems that daily, I can add at least one more item to my mental list.
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Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Something's Gotta Give
Well, its official, we are on the borderline of broke. There's just enough $ to pay the next round of bills.
No one is spending money, so business is slower than its been in the last 12 years.
We have 6 people to support, feed and clothe. If something doesn't give soon, we're gonna have to start cutting back in places that can't be cut.
I don't know what to do.
I hide all my stress and worry....ok, not really....I just don't verbalize it like Husband does. I can look in the mirror and see the black circles under my eyes. My lack of caring if my hair is done. My lack of caring about what i wear. I used to wear makeup daily. Now? I'm lucky if its twice a month.
Husband thinks since I don't bitch about the money, or the issues with the kids, or whatever else is going on, that I don't care about it. I do. Trust me, I do. I just know that constantly talking about just keeps it that much more alive. Right in our faces. Right where you don't think you can even take another breath.
I know its depression. I know what would help it. But, I don't have a magic wand to make it happen.
All I can do is hope, and hold on.
I'm trying......it just doesn't seem to be working.
No one is spending money, so business is slower than its been in the last 12 years.
We have 6 people to support, feed and clothe. If something doesn't give soon, we're gonna have to start cutting back in places that can't be cut.
I don't know what to do.
I hide all my stress and worry....ok, not really....I just don't verbalize it like Husband does. I can look in the mirror and see the black circles under my eyes. My lack of caring if my hair is done. My lack of caring about what i wear. I used to wear makeup daily. Now? I'm lucky if its twice a month.
Husband thinks since I don't bitch about the money, or the issues with the kids, or whatever else is going on, that I don't care about it. I do. Trust me, I do. I just know that constantly talking about just keeps it that much more alive. Right in our faces. Right where you don't think you can even take another breath.
I know its depression. I know what would help it. But, I don't have a magic wand to make it happen.
All I can do is hope, and hold on.
I'm trying......it just doesn't seem to be working.
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Saturday, October 1, 2011
Walking In My Shoes
If you've ever had to physically restrain your child from hitting themself, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever spent two+ hours convincing your child he's not an "idiot", you've walked in my shoes.
If you spend every day walking on eggshells to avoid the next meltdown, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever stayed up til two in the morning, hoping your child's anxiety will go away for just one night, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever watched your child go from smiling and laughing, to saying they want to die, you've walked in my shoes.
If you can't say you've done any of the above, then please....fucking please.....don't tell me you fucking understand. Trust me, you don't. I didn't. Until it was my child.
I don't want your sympathy. Neither does my child. However, I don't want the dirty looks in the store because you think I'm a bad parent, or think my child is a brat.
Trust me, I wish he was. It would be much easy to deal with.
If you've ever spent two+ hours convincing your child he's not an "idiot", you've walked in my shoes.
If you spend every day walking on eggshells to avoid the next meltdown, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever stayed up til two in the morning, hoping your child's anxiety will go away for just one night, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever watched your child go from smiling and laughing, to saying they want to die, you've walked in my shoes.
If you can't say you've done any of the above, then please....fucking please.....don't tell me you fucking understand. Trust me, you don't. I didn't. Until it was my child.
I don't want your sympathy. Neither does my child. However, I don't want the dirty looks in the store because you think I'm a bad parent, or think my child is a brat.
Trust me, I wish he was. It would be much easy to deal with.
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Thursday, September 29, 2011
economic meltdown
How I hate this time of year. Everyone is broke, which means that my main customer base has no money. Which in turn, means I have no money.
Maybe I just need to find a millionaire that needs a charity tax write off. I'll be the charity. Sounds good to me, anyway.
I'm tired of the media harping about the "economic disaster". I wonder if they ever stop to think that they are causing half the problem. If they'd quit scaring everyone with all the disaster/downturn stories, people would actually be willing to spend money. Banks would be willing to lend more money. In other words, there would be no crisis!
Just go back to the trade and barter system. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much about it all....
Maybe I just need to find a millionaire that needs a charity tax write off. I'll be the charity. Sounds good to me, anyway.
I'm tired of the media harping about the "economic disaster". I wonder if they ever stop to think that they are causing half the problem. If they'd quit scaring everyone with all the disaster/downturn stories, people would actually be willing to spend money. Banks would be willing to lend more money. In other words, there would be no crisis!
Just go back to the trade and barter system. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much about it all....
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Wednesday, September 28, 2011
(Going) Insane Ramblings
I've been absent again for awhile. No excuses. Just writer's block. Or pure laziness. Or depression. Or I just don't give a fuck about much right now. Or, it could always be stress. I'm not sure which it is yet. I'll probably never know.
So, instead of a full, thought out post, here's a random list of shit that's happened lately.
- I discovered that somehow, my oldest boy managed to hijack my youtube account. It shows my email, and my password. However, it now shows his user name. I haven't figured out how to, or if I even can, change this. For some reason, it pisses me off. I just have an issue with going to post a comment, and it comes up with the user name "XXXmansify".
- We have 2 extra people living in the house now. My 18 year old daughter that my ex took off with 11 years ago is back home. With her boyfriend. With money the way it is, I'm now trying to feed six people on less than I was feeding four people a month ago. I've found a lot of good info on the internet on how to stretch a food budget. Just not a lot of imagination in the menus. But, it's saving money.
- I find myself turning more often to my Valium prescription. I rationalize it as it saves lives of those around me. (Don't take this wrong...I went from taking one or two a month to taking five or six a month.)
- My insurance still hasn't settled on my car that was totalled in June. In fact, they have now decided after 3 months of the stand off that the car can be fixed. The body shops disagree. They seem to think a bent frame would not be safe to attempt to fix. I think my insurance company wants to kill me off, just so they no longer have to deal with me.
- Due to his anxiety/depression issues, my youngest is no longer in a brick and mortar school. Instead, he is taught at home, with online classes through a public school that sits 16 hours from us. It's working out quite well, just a little strange not to drop him off everyday.
- It's September 28th, and it's still way above 80 most days. I'm beginning to think that cooler weather will never come. I never thought I would say this, but I'm craving a day where you can see your breath when you walk outside.
- I'm still tattooing. I'm still selling Scentsy. We've added a pool hall/arcade to our list of shit we do for money. (No, an arcade doesn't make much. All I have to say is you better love video games and pool if you want to open one)
That is all for now. Good day!
So, instead of a full, thought out post, here's a random list of shit that's happened lately.
- I discovered that somehow, my oldest boy managed to hijack my youtube account. It shows my email, and my password. However, it now shows his user name. I haven't figured out how to, or if I even can, change this. For some reason, it pisses me off. I just have an issue with going to post a comment, and it comes up with the user name "XXXmansify".
- We have 2 extra people living in the house now. My 18 year old daughter that my ex took off with 11 years ago is back home. With her boyfriend. With money the way it is, I'm now trying to feed six people on less than I was feeding four people a month ago. I've found a lot of good info on the internet on how to stretch a food budget. Just not a lot of imagination in the menus. But, it's saving money.
- I find myself turning more often to my Valium prescription. I rationalize it as it saves lives of those around me. (Don't take this wrong...I went from taking one or two a month to taking five or six a month.)
- My insurance still hasn't settled on my car that was totalled in June. In fact, they have now decided after 3 months of the stand off that the car can be fixed. The body shops disagree. They seem to think a bent frame would not be safe to attempt to fix. I think my insurance company wants to kill me off, just so they no longer have to deal with me.
- Due to his anxiety/depression issues, my youngest is no longer in a brick and mortar school. Instead, he is taught at home, with online classes through a public school that sits 16 hours from us. It's working out quite well, just a little strange not to drop him off everyday.
- It's September 28th, and it's still way above 80 most days. I'm beginning to think that cooler weather will never come. I never thought I would say this, but I'm craving a day where you can see your breath when you walk outside.
- I'm still tattooing. I'm still selling Scentsy. We've added a pool hall/arcade to our list of shit we do for money. (No, an arcade doesn't make much. All I have to say is you better love video games and pool if you want to open one)
That is all for now. Good day!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
trying this out
I'm hoping since I now have an EVO, and the voice recognition , that I will be able to do this better .
if not better at least faster .
I promise nothing on punctuation.
or spelling.
or that all my words will even make sense.
bare with me while I learn it.
if not better at least faster .
I promise nothing on punctuation.
or spelling.
or that all my words will even make sense.
bare with me while I learn it.
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011
F%CK!!
My insurance company, not naming names (Progressive, Progressive, Progressive), is trying to screw me over. Offering me half of what my now totaled car is worth.
It wouldn't piss me off so bad, but I PAID for that additional $4000 in coverage every damn month, for custom paint and parts. Which, in my world, means that I should get what I've paid for.
Obviously, my world, and the insurance world are not the same.
It wouldn't piss me off so bad, but I PAID for that additional $4000 in coverage every damn month, for custom paint and parts. Which, in my world, means that I should get what I've paid for.
Obviously, my world, and the insurance world are not the same.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
What I Do
When I sit down to write out a blog that's been in my head for hours, or sometimes, days.........it never fails. Instead of the blog I'd had perfectly written in my mind, a thousand other things scream at me inside my head to be let out.
Me, being very stubborn, refuse to listen. I spend 45 minutes staring at a blank screen. Or I get lucky and get about ten words typed.
Somewhere around that 45 minute mark, I say fuck it.
I go back to the blogs I subscribe to, check out what everyone else is posting. Blog hop from here to there, and then from there to everywhere.
Then I make it back to my blog, which I've promised to write in, and my mind is blank. That perfectly "written" blog in my head is gone. Poof. Disappeared. Brains worms ate it.
All those things screaming to be let out? They are now down to a dull whimper. Brain worms are working on them.
But, I did get to read some awesome posts by some of my faves. That counts for something, right?
Am I the only blogger who has this problem? Lie to me. Even if you have never had this problem, make me feel normal. If even for just one teensy tinsy second. Please??
Me, being very stubborn, refuse to listen. I spend 45 minutes staring at a blank screen. Or I get lucky and get about ten words typed.
Somewhere around that 45 minute mark, I say fuck it.
I go back to the blogs I subscribe to, check out what everyone else is posting. Blog hop from here to there, and then from there to everywhere.
Then I make it back to my blog, which I've promised to write in, and my mind is blank. That perfectly "written" blog in my head is gone. Poof. Disappeared. Brains worms ate it.
All those things screaming to be let out? They are now down to a dull whimper. Brain worms are working on them.
But, I did get to read some awesome posts by some of my faves. That counts for something, right?
Am I the only blogger who has this problem? Lie to me. Even if you have never had this problem, make me feel normal. If even for just one teensy tinsy second. Please??
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Rapture
Well, I survived the end of the world. I guess that makes me one of those left behind.
I truly believe the rapture happened. It's just that there weren't as many virtuous people as everyone claimed.
God came down, took a look around, and asked, "What the fuck happened to all these people?"
Jesus replied, "I don't think we want their kind in Heaven. Can we just take our daily quota and call it good?"
God: "I think you're right, son. Can you imagine the traffic jams we'd have in Heaven? Not to mention the fact that our sewer system can in no way handle this many people. "
Jesus: "Thanks for seeing things my way. How do we choose which ones to take with us today? You know that Camping guy is a definite leave behind. He'd probably claim that we weren't running heaven the way the bible says to."
God: "Let's just go with the usual. Eenie Meenie, Minie, Moe.........and you are one of the chosen ones. Ok, I picked the first one. Your turn!"
Jesus: "I don't want to pick. Don't you remember my mistake yesterday with that lawyer?"
God: "How were you to know? He went to church, seemed to give to the community. It's not like we can watch everyone every single second. Back in the good old days, we didn't have to worry about it. If they took the time to go to church, it was because they actually meant it. Not like now days where some go just to put on a show."
Jesus: "You're right. Awww...hell. Let's just close our eyes and throw some darts. Whoever it lands on, we take. As for the rest of them? Let them think that guy was wrong. I don't have the energy to create any huge disasters today."
God: "And I don't want to destroy that beautiful place I created. They'll kill themselves off soon enough. Ready to go play that game of checkers now? Loser gets to be the one to let Lucifer know he gets to deal with the rest of them."
Ok....so I'm a little off when it comes to this, but seriously - what if the rapture REALLY DID ALREADY HAPPEN? And really, would you want all of us relocated to the same place at the same time? That would be a logistical nightmare, even for a higher being!
I truly believe the rapture happened. It's just that there weren't as many virtuous people as everyone claimed.
God came down, took a look around, and asked, "What the fuck happened to all these people?"
Jesus replied, "I don't think we want their kind in Heaven. Can we just take our daily quota and call it good?"
God: "I think you're right, son. Can you imagine the traffic jams we'd have in Heaven? Not to mention the fact that our sewer system can in no way handle this many people. "
Jesus: "Thanks for seeing things my way. How do we choose which ones to take with us today? You know that Camping guy is a definite leave behind. He'd probably claim that we weren't running heaven the way the bible says to."
God: "Let's just go with the usual. Eenie Meenie, Minie, Moe.........and you are one of the chosen ones. Ok, I picked the first one. Your turn!"
Jesus: "I don't want to pick. Don't you remember my mistake yesterday with that lawyer?"
God: "How were you to know? He went to church, seemed to give to the community. It's not like we can watch everyone every single second. Back in the good old days, we didn't have to worry about it. If they took the time to go to church, it was because they actually meant it. Not like now days where some go just to put on a show."
Jesus: "You're right. Awww...hell. Let's just close our eyes and throw some darts. Whoever it lands on, we take. As for the rest of them? Let them think that guy was wrong. I don't have the energy to create any huge disasters today."
God: "And I don't want to destroy that beautiful place I created. They'll kill themselves off soon enough. Ready to go play that game of checkers now? Loser gets to be the one to let Lucifer know he gets to deal with the rest of them."
Ok....so I'm a little off when it comes to this, but seriously - what if the rapture REALLY DID ALREADY HAPPEN? And really, would you want all of us relocated to the same place at the same time? That would be a logistical nightmare, even for a higher being!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Special Needs
I have a child with "special" needs.
There, I said it. It's not easy writing that down. Or saying it. Or admitting it.
My child has no real "label" that can be stuck on him. Currently, he is "clinically depressed". Severely.
But then there are the symptoms that do not fit under that nice, neat label.
There are days I think I see signs of autism. Others, I see ADHD. Still others, severe anger issues.
He gets commended on any and all state assessment tests. Yet, hand him a homework paper and he ends up in the fetal position.
Ask him his opinion. He won't have one. The standard answer is "I don't know".
I finally got him to admit, that yes, he does know. However, he is so afraid that certain people in his life will be mad, or no longer love him, that he chooses to NOT answer, instead of risking making someone feel "bad".
The new psychologist sees it all as depression.
I'm not saying she's wrong. She may be completely right. She deals with these issues every day. (Ok, so do I, but I have not been trained to understand all the hidden diagnosis'.)
She also feels that she knows what may be causing this depression. She has spoken with me at length about it. Since his dad has only been to one appt, he seems to choose to hide from it.
Which, to me, also means he's trying to place the blame anywhere but on himself.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all is fault. But he played a part. A bigger part than I even want to admit.
I have a child with special needs.
But it's ok.
That child is very special to me, so it would make sense that he has special needs.
There, I said it. It's not easy writing that down. Or saying it. Or admitting it.
My child has no real "label" that can be stuck on him. Currently, he is "clinically depressed". Severely.
But then there are the symptoms that do not fit under that nice, neat label.
There are days I think I see signs of autism. Others, I see ADHD. Still others, severe anger issues.
He gets commended on any and all state assessment tests. Yet, hand him a homework paper and he ends up in the fetal position.
Ask him his opinion. He won't have one. The standard answer is "I don't know".
I finally got him to admit, that yes, he does know. However, he is so afraid that certain people in his life will be mad, or no longer love him, that he chooses to NOT answer, instead of risking making someone feel "bad".
The new psychologist sees it all as depression.
I'm not saying she's wrong. She may be completely right. She deals with these issues every day. (Ok, so do I, but I have not been trained to understand all the hidden diagnosis'.)
She also feels that she knows what may be causing this depression. She has spoken with me at length about it. Since his dad has only been to one appt, he seems to choose to hide from it.
Which, to me, also means he's trying to place the blame anywhere but on himself.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all is fault. But he played a part. A bigger part than I even want to admit.
I have a child with special needs.
But it's ok.
That child is very special to me, so it would make sense that he has special needs.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
What the hell was I thinking?
As if things aren't already crazy around here as it is with the tattoo studio, and the Scentsy, we've just rented a retail space for an alternative clothing store.
I've decided I'll sleep when I'm dead. It's looking like that will be the only time I can pencil it into my schedule.
Now, if we could just agree on a name for the place. Something tells me that "The Store With No Fucking Name", wouldn't go over very well.
We're stuck somewhere between Spider Bite, Web of Envy, and Coffin Couture. All 3000 other ideas have been shot down. The Oldest Boy told me that "boutique" was not allowed as guys his age would be called "gay" for shopping there. He's probably right, but it blew a hell of a lot of options of the water.
At this point, we'll be doing good to even get the name on the front of the place. If we can't even do that, how the hell are we going to do the rest of it??
Clothes have been arriving for the past 2 weeks, and more will be coming in almost everyday next week. Glad I've got a big store room at the new place, cuz it is no where near ready to be open yet.
I still have to paint the walls (they are currently bright sunshine yellow), put up a false wall to divide the area into something more manageable for the time being, buy a cash register, buy yet another computer (though the laptop will probably get used for it for now) get more mannequins, get a few more clothing racks, and find someone who will work for peanuts.
We'd hoped to do this all without a loan, but I don't think that is an option anymore. Bank, be ready, cuz here I come....
I've decided I'll sleep when I'm dead. It's looking like that will be the only time I can pencil it into my schedule.
Now, if we could just agree on a name for the place. Something tells me that "The Store With No Fucking Name", wouldn't go over very well.
We're stuck somewhere between Spider Bite, Web of Envy, and Coffin Couture. All 3000 other ideas have been shot down. The Oldest Boy told me that "boutique" was not allowed as guys his age would be called "gay" for shopping there. He's probably right, but it blew a hell of a lot of options of the water.
At this point, we'll be doing good to even get the name on the front of the place. If we can't even do that, how the hell are we going to do the rest of it??
Clothes have been arriving for the past 2 weeks, and more will be coming in almost everyday next week. Glad I've got a big store room at the new place, cuz it is no where near ready to be open yet.
I still have to paint the walls (they are currently bright sunshine yellow), put up a false wall to divide the area into something more manageable for the time being, buy a cash register, buy yet another computer (though the laptop will probably get used for it for now) get more mannequins, get a few more clothing racks, and find someone who will work for peanuts.
We'd hoped to do this all without a loan, but I don't think that is an option anymore. Bank, be ready, cuz here I come....
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Apologies to all
Sorry I lost it yesterday, y'all!
From here on out, it will be back to our regularly scheduled programming....ok, let's be honest...there will probably be a few more posts along the same subject line as yesterdays.
However, they won't be as long, or go into so much detail. I just needed a place to finally perform some much needed venting/self-therapy, on a subject that has been with me for years.
From here on out, it will be back to our regularly scheduled programming....ok, let's be honest...there will probably be a few more posts along the same subject line as yesterdays.
However, they won't be as long, or go into so much detail. I just needed a place to finally perform some much needed venting/self-therapy, on a subject that has been with me for years.
Monday, March 28, 2011
How do you even come up with a title for this...
Ok y'all, I know I'm normally a smartass in my blogs. So, I thought it only right to give you fair warning that this won't be one of those kind of posts. Feel free to stop reading now. Really, I won't mind. This is something I need to get off my chest.
This mommy has been married before, as you all know. What you may not know is that 10 years ago, my first husband took off to parts unknown with my oldest two children. Wait, I don't think that's even where this needs to start....
20 years ago, I started dating the "new guy". He had long hair, and had no preconceived, small town notions about me. I thought I was in love. When he hit me, I excused it, thought it was my fault. When he hit me again, I said it was because of the way he was raised. When friends tried to get me to open my eyes, I swore I could change him with enough time.
By the time I was 17, I was full in the trap of: he loves me, and I'm the one at fault for the the abuse. I didn't love him enough, I didn't "respect" his wishes when it came to me not having friends, etc, etc, etc. I thought I could change him. Those who have been there themselves will understand.
I fell for the whole, "if you really loved me, you wouldn't need birth control" and, "if you're still using BC, then it must be because your cheating on me". I was wrong, and was being manipulated/brainwashed. And I feel for it all. When I got pregnant at 17, by this man, he told me it wasn't his. His mother told us I needed to get an abortion. When my daughter was born, his mother tried to convince me to let her adopt my daughter, and that she would never know that I was her mother. (How does a woman in her right mind even suggest that?)
I ended up marrying him, as I was tired of listening to his (only when it suited her) Catholic mother, give me guilt trips about the whole out of wedlock thing.
Marriage did not help the situation, but I hid what was going on. (Ok, so, I didn't hide it very well. Some bruises you just can't explain away, and be believed.) When I had finally reached a point where I was either going to end up dead, or leave him, I decided it was time to leave. I contacted an attorney, and had decided that I would take my little girl and leave in February.
In January, on our anniversary, he found the papers from the attorney I'd contacted. It got really bad that night, but I stayed. He had threatened my little girl if I tried to leave.
The next day, I got up, took my daughter to the babysitter, and went to work. I looked like death warmed over, so my boss sent me home. I laid down on the couch, and fell asleep. When husband got home for lunch, he found out that I hadn't been at work, but had left our daughter at the babysitter. He went ballistic. Accused me of "sneaking off from work" to "meet" another man and cheat on him. (Heaven forbid he realize I was hurting so bad from the beating the night before, that I couldn't even hardly move, let alone even think about having sex!)
He choked me out, threw me around, held me against the wall by my throat, and more. Then he told me he was taking my baby. I chased him out in the street in my torn dress. (Is it weird that I can remember exactly what I was wearing? It was a button up brown velvet dress, one of my favorites.)I called the sitter, and told her not to allow anyone to pick her up. To which she told me that his mother had already came and got her 30 minutes before. I spent the next 16 hours in hell. He had taken my baby girl, and I didn't know where she was. I think I finally fell asleep around 6 a.m. I called an attorney at 8:30 a.m., and was told he was already representing my husband.
I was served with divorce papers 2 hours later. I had 10 days to vacate the house, and was not allowed to take my daughter with me. In those 10 days, he begged me to stay, said he would change, that he only filed to wake me up to what I would lose. For the first time in years, I stood my ground. I moved out. I hired an attorney, and we had complete joint custody of our daughter.
I didn't know it, but I was pregnant at the time. Our divorce was final on May 6th, 1998. We shared custody based on each of our work schedules. Then I had the second child, a boy, on August 9th. I lied when everyone asked who the dad was. My ex-husband had half the town convinced I was a druggie (that's why I always looked like hell at work when I was with him...at least that's what he claimed)and had repeatedly cheated on him. I went with it. I told everyone the baby belonged to some random guy.
9 months later, my ex's lovely, controlling mother convinced him he should do a DNA test. So, the truth came out. I had never cheated, and the boy was his. Another round of court came and went. I had full custody, he had visitation. I hated it, but what could I do?
By this time, the ex had married the teenage girl he'd gotten pregnant, but it didn't stop his harassment of me. I would be sitting in my living room, and suddenly find a laser sight from a rifle pinpointed on my forehead. I had phone calls all hours of the night from him or his friend. I got 44 phone calls in one hour at my job, each of them with a new threat. I woke up to the ex coming through my bedroom window. He slammed a pick-up door so hard on my ankle that he cracked a bone in it. He planted listening devices in my house, and would call and play back the recordings for me. He would catch me downtown to tell me how much I had missed by leaving him, that if he couldn't have me, no one would.
If I thought being married to him had been hell, I had no clue how bad it could get. At least when I was still in the same house, I knew it would be a beating for not cleaning right, not having supper cooked on time, or if I took "too long" at the store. I knew that sex would be rough, and that I didn't always have a choice in the matter. Now that I was out, he took the sadistic torturing to a whole new level. I considered suicide just to escape it.
His mother helped him do a lot of it. We actually would "get along" here and there, then she would step in. In fact, she called the police on me so many times claiming drug use, it became a running joke with them when they showed up -"Hey, we're just here to check out your new imaginary stash of heroine and needles", or "We just thought you might need some bacon in the house". She called child protection services so often, that I knew all the investigators on a first name basis. They had me fill out paper work to be able to charge her with false accusations and harassment. She convinced the County Attorney to drop all the assault charges on her baby boy. She would drive by my house, taking pictures several times a week. (Later, when I would move to get away from it, she would show up in Texas, taking pictures, questioning people I knew.)
Instead, I decided I would move. I told him on a month that he was to have the kids that I was moving, and would be back to pick up the kids. I look back and realize I shouldn't have said anything at the time, but I was trying to follow the court papers, and give him prior notice. When I went to pick up my babies, he and his mother had filed in court, claiming that I had "abandoned" the kids. He was granted emergency custody. I was never notified of the hearing. I had to hire another attorney, and once more, go through all the court processes. He and his mother now claimed the kids were scared of me, so I had to go through supervised visitations, and it took them 2 months to come back with a finding of "unfounded" on those claims.
I was finally free to take my children on visits with me to Texas. (yes, visits, I was unable to get the custody changed yet, and was working on it.) A few months into this, my daughter looked at me, and said, "Daddy says we're moving clear to the other side of the state." When I dropped the kids off, I asked him about it. He told me no, he was just thinking about it.
Two weeks later, he didn't show up at the meeting place with the kids. I drove back to my hometown. His house was vacant. His phone was disconnected. He had taken my babies, and I had no clue where to.
I looked, and searched, and finally, someone was nice enough to run his name on the driver's license data base for me. I sent a card to my kids, it was their birthdays. I tried calling the phone number on record, it was disconnected. I send more letters, presents, cards - they started coming back, "addressee unknown".
I hired a private investigator, and did online data base searches on my own. I would find a record of him working in one place just long enough to start showing up, then he'd change jobs.
I can't say I learned to live with it. Even though by this time, I had another child and had remarried, I went into a major depression. I started drinking, I hid in alcohol, and to people who didn't know me, I was they happy, go lucky party girl. Those who took the time to talk to me, knew different. I was a mess. I won't lie.
I realized that I had again married for the wrong reasons, and left. We shared custody of our child, and to this day, we share custody. I won't say my 2nd husband was a bad man. We just didn't belong together. He knew it, too, but it's hard to admit that you have failed in a marriage. It's even harder to know you've failed in two.
I ended up in a relationship with my best friend, 9 years later, I'm still with him. While he couldn't fill the hole left by my children, he helped make the days easier to bear. He helped me search for the missing pieces of my heart, and has always told me that when I found them, I had all the time to try and fix things.
Two years ago, my 1st ex-husband's new ex-wife contacted me online. She said she now realized what had happened, and apologized. She also asked for my phone number to give to my then 15 year old daughter. In my head, she was still the 7 yr old that I had last seen. She called me once, but refused to talk, and hung up. We started texting. It was going really good. Then she was raped. She admitted it to me, but said she hadn't told her dad. As someone who'd been down a similar road, I knew she needed help. I tracked down the ex monster in law, told her husband what had happened. My ex was more concerned to learn that I'd been talking to her, than over the fact she'd been raped. He had her committed to a mental ward. I didn't have contact with her for almost another year. Even then, she had to hide it from her dad. Through all of this, I never learned exactly where they were.
I contacted officers in the approximate area. For over a month, they helped me search, to no avail. I still keep in contact with one of those officers to this day. He still hasn't found the address. It's believed that he may be on a Native American Reservation.
A few months ago, my daughter found me on facebook. Though I've sent her messages, I never get anything back. I get to watch her life from afar, and read her sporadic status updates.
Through those updates, I learned she was in the Job Corps. I just didn't know where. I thought maybe Kansas City. I called them. They had no record of her. Another dead end.
I saw where she'd posted her cell phone number on a comment to a friend. I saved it, then I texted her. We texted off and on. Just as in the past, she would start to make plans with me, then out of no where, she told me not to talk to her anymore. When she'd done this in the past, I'd respected her wishes. Not this time.
This time, I got mad. I got upset. I told her that my letting her work at her pace, and doing it her way wasn't working. Whatever I said, worked. She kept talking. I got her to tell me where she was. That was two days ago. I told her I would be there the next day. She told me no, she wasn't ready. I told her, well, I wasn't ready to show up and find my kids missing either. Things happen you aren't "ready" for all the time. I was coming.
And I did. I drove 8 hours straight through, only stopping once for gas. I got here late Saturday evening, and on Sunday, I got to see my 17 yr old daughter for the first time in 10 years.
Was it easy? No, it wasn't. My ex's truth management skills haven't gotten any better over the years, and now I get to deal with the fall out of all that he told her. And you know what? It's not fucking fair. I did not choose to leave their lives. That choice was made without my knowledge. I did not choose not to visit my kids. I didn't know where they were.
But now, I get to prove to this child that I did not abandon her. That I did not leave her. That she can trust me to do what I say. She told me today that she really didn't expect me to come. I was here within 24 hours of finding out where she was. But I have to prove myself, and I'm supposed to work at her pace. I''m supposed to be ok with 2 1/2 hours with my baby after 10 years. I'm supposed to be ok with the fact she thinks this needs to go slower. I'm supposed to pick up the shattered pieces of a relationship with my child, when I'm not the one who broke it.
And you know what? IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!!
He hurt me when we were married, he hurt me again when he took them. And now, he's this big shining knight in her eyes, and due to things he told her, I am nothing. he's hurting me again, and I know deep down that he knows it, and that he is enjoying every second of it. It has never been about the kids for him, it's been about control, and pain. And I don't know how to fix what he's done.
I can't tell her everything, I can't cause her more pain to know that "daddy" did all this. I have to prove what she was told was wrong. Well, how do you prove anything when she's already so destroyed that she won't trust you enough to let you try.........
This mommy has been married before, as you all know. What you may not know is that 10 years ago, my first husband took off to parts unknown with my oldest two children. Wait, I don't think that's even where this needs to start....
20 years ago, I started dating the "new guy". He had long hair, and had no preconceived, small town notions about me. I thought I was in love. When he hit me, I excused it, thought it was my fault. When he hit me again, I said it was because of the way he was raised. When friends tried to get me to open my eyes, I swore I could change him with enough time.
By the time I was 17, I was full in the trap of: he loves me, and I'm the one at fault for the the abuse. I didn't love him enough, I didn't "respect" his wishes when it came to me not having friends, etc, etc, etc. I thought I could change him. Those who have been there themselves will understand.
I fell for the whole, "if you really loved me, you wouldn't need birth control" and, "if you're still using BC, then it must be because your cheating on me". I was wrong, and was being manipulated/brainwashed. And I feel for it all. When I got pregnant at 17, by this man, he told me it wasn't his. His mother told us I needed to get an abortion. When my daughter was born, his mother tried to convince me to let her adopt my daughter, and that she would never know that I was her mother. (How does a woman in her right mind even suggest that?)
I ended up marrying him, as I was tired of listening to his (only when it suited her) Catholic mother, give me guilt trips about the whole out of wedlock thing.
Marriage did not help the situation, but I hid what was going on. (Ok, so, I didn't hide it very well. Some bruises you just can't explain away, and be believed.) When I had finally reached a point where I was either going to end up dead, or leave him, I decided it was time to leave. I contacted an attorney, and had decided that I would take my little girl and leave in February.
In January, on our anniversary, he found the papers from the attorney I'd contacted. It got really bad that night, but I stayed. He had threatened my little girl if I tried to leave.
The next day, I got up, took my daughter to the babysitter, and went to work. I looked like death warmed over, so my boss sent me home. I laid down on the couch, and fell asleep. When husband got home for lunch, he found out that I hadn't been at work, but had left our daughter at the babysitter. He went ballistic. Accused me of "sneaking off from work" to "meet" another man and cheat on him. (Heaven forbid he realize I was hurting so bad from the beating the night before, that I couldn't even hardly move, let alone even think about having sex!)
He choked me out, threw me around, held me against the wall by my throat, and more. Then he told me he was taking my baby. I chased him out in the street in my torn dress. (Is it weird that I can remember exactly what I was wearing? It was a button up brown velvet dress, one of my favorites.)I called the sitter, and told her not to allow anyone to pick her up. To which she told me that his mother had already came and got her 30 minutes before. I spent the next 16 hours in hell. He had taken my baby girl, and I didn't know where she was. I think I finally fell asleep around 6 a.m. I called an attorney at 8:30 a.m., and was told he was already representing my husband.
I was served with divorce papers 2 hours later. I had 10 days to vacate the house, and was not allowed to take my daughter with me. In those 10 days, he begged me to stay, said he would change, that he only filed to wake me up to what I would lose. For the first time in years, I stood my ground. I moved out. I hired an attorney, and we had complete joint custody of our daughter.
I didn't know it, but I was pregnant at the time. Our divorce was final on May 6th, 1998. We shared custody based on each of our work schedules. Then I had the second child, a boy, on August 9th. I lied when everyone asked who the dad was. My ex-husband had half the town convinced I was a druggie (that's why I always looked like hell at work when I was with him...at least that's what he claimed)and had repeatedly cheated on him. I went with it. I told everyone the baby belonged to some random guy.
9 months later, my ex's lovely, controlling mother convinced him he should do a DNA test. So, the truth came out. I had never cheated, and the boy was his. Another round of court came and went. I had full custody, he had visitation. I hated it, but what could I do?
By this time, the ex had married the teenage girl he'd gotten pregnant, but it didn't stop his harassment of me. I would be sitting in my living room, and suddenly find a laser sight from a rifle pinpointed on my forehead. I had phone calls all hours of the night from him or his friend. I got 44 phone calls in one hour at my job, each of them with a new threat. I woke up to the ex coming through my bedroom window. He slammed a pick-up door so hard on my ankle that he cracked a bone in it. He planted listening devices in my house, and would call and play back the recordings for me. He would catch me downtown to tell me how much I had missed by leaving him, that if he couldn't have me, no one would.
If I thought being married to him had been hell, I had no clue how bad it could get. At least when I was still in the same house, I knew it would be a beating for not cleaning right, not having supper cooked on time, or if I took "too long" at the store. I knew that sex would be rough, and that I didn't always have a choice in the matter. Now that I was out, he took the sadistic torturing to a whole new level. I considered suicide just to escape it.
His mother helped him do a lot of it. We actually would "get along" here and there, then she would step in. In fact, she called the police on me so many times claiming drug use, it became a running joke with them when they showed up -"Hey, we're just here to check out your new imaginary stash of heroine and needles", or "We just thought you might need some bacon in the house". She called child protection services so often, that I knew all the investigators on a first name basis. They had me fill out paper work to be able to charge her with false accusations and harassment. She convinced the County Attorney to drop all the assault charges on her baby boy. She would drive by my house, taking pictures several times a week. (Later, when I would move to get away from it, she would show up in Texas, taking pictures, questioning people I knew.)
Instead, I decided I would move. I told him on a month that he was to have the kids that I was moving, and would be back to pick up the kids. I look back and realize I shouldn't have said anything at the time, but I was trying to follow the court papers, and give him prior notice. When I went to pick up my babies, he and his mother had filed in court, claiming that I had "abandoned" the kids. He was granted emergency custody. I was never notified of the hearing. I had to hire another attorney, and once more, go through all the court processes. He and his mother now claimed the kids were scared of me, so I had to go through supervised visitations, and it took them 2 months to come back with a finding of "unfounded" on those claims.
I was finally free to take my children on visits with me to Texas. (yes, visits, I was unable to get the custody changed yet, and was working on it.) A few months into this, my daughter looked at me, and said, "Daddy says we're moving clear to the other side of the state." When I dropped the kids off, I asked him about it. He told me no, he was just thinking about it.
Two weeks later, he didn't show up at the meeting place with the kids. I drove back to my hometown. His house was vacant. His phone was disconnected. He had taken my babies, and I had no clue where to.
I looked, and searched, and finally, someone was nice enough to run his name on the driver's license data base for me. I sent a card to my kids, it was their birthdays. I tried calling the phone number on record, it was disconnected. I send more letters, presents, cards - they started coming back, "addressee unknown".
I hired a private investigator, and did online data base searches on my own. I would find a record of him working in one place just long enough to start showing up, then he'd change jobs.
I can't say I learned to live with it. Even though by this time, I had another child and had remarried, I went into a major depression. I started drinking, I hid in alcohol, and to people who didn't know me, I was they happy, go lucky party girl. Those who took the time to talk to me, knew different. I was a mess. I won't lie.
I realized that I had again married for the wrong reasons, and left. We shared custody of our child, and to this day, we share custody. I won't say my 2nd husband was a bad man. We just didn't belong together. He knew it, too, but it's hard to admit that you have failed in a marriage. It's even harder to know you've failed in two.
I ended up in a relationship with my best friend, 9 years later, I'm still with him. While he couldn't fill the hole left by my children, he helped make the days easier to bear. He helped me search for the missing pieces of my heart, and has always told me that when I found them, I had all the time to try and fix things.
Two years ago, my 1st ex-husband's new ex-wife contacted me online. She said she now realized what had happened, and apologized. She also asked for my phone number to give to my then 15 year old daughter. In my head, she was still the 7 yr old that I had last seen. She called me once, but refused to talk, and hung up. We started texting. It was going really good. Then she was raped. She admitted it to me, but said she hadn't told her dad. As someone who'd been down a similar road, I knew she needed help. I tracked down the ex monster in law, told her husband what had happened. My ex was more concerned to learn that I'd been talking to her, than over the fact she'd been raped. He had her committed to a mental ward. I didn't have contact with her for almost another year. Even then, she had to hide it from her dad. Through all of this, I never learned exactly where they were.
I contacted officers in the approximate area. For over a month, they helped me search, to no avail. I still keep in contact with one of those officers to this day. He still hasn't found the address. It's believed that he may be on a Native American Reservation.
A few months ago, my daughter found me on facebook. Though I've sent her messages, I never get anything back. I get to watch her life from afar, and read her sporadic status updates.
Through those updates, I learned she was in the Job Corps. I just didn't know where. I thought maybe Kansas City. I called them. They had no record of her. Another dead end.
I saw where she'd posted her cell phone number on a comment to a friend. I saved it, then I texted her. We texted off and on. Just as in the past, she would start to make plans with me, then out of no where, she told me not to talk to her anymore. When she'd done this in the past, I'd respected her wishes. Not this time.
This time, I got mad. I got upset. I told her that my letting her work at her pace, and doing it her way wasn't working. Whatever I said, worked. She kept talking. I got her to tell me where she was. That was two days ago. I told her I would be there the next day. She told me no, she wasn't ready. I told her, well, I wasn't ready to show up and find my kids missing either. Things happen you aren't "ready" for all the time. I was coming.
And I did. I drove 8 hours straight through, only stopping once for gas. I got here late Saturday evening, and on Sunday, I got to see my 17 yr old daughter for the first time in 10 years.
Was it easy? No, it wasn't. My ex's truth management skills haven't gotten any better over the years, and now I get to deal with the fall out of all that he told her. And you know what? It's not fucking fair. I did not choose to leave their lives. That choice was made without my knowledge. I did not choose not to visit my kids. I didn't know where they were.
But now, I get to prove to this child that I did not abandon her. That I did not leave her. That she can trust me to do what I say. She told me today that she really didn't expect me to come. I was here within 24 hours of finding out where she was. But I have to prove myself, and I'm supposed to work at her pace. I''m supposed to be ok with 2 1/2 hours with my baby after 10 years. I'm supposed to be ok with the fact she thinks this needs to go slower. I'm supposed to pick up the shattered pieces of a relationship with my child, when I'm not the one who broke it.
And you know what? IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!!
He hurt me when we were married, he hurt me again when he took them. And now, he's this big shining knight in her eyes, and due to things he told her, I am nothing. he's hurting me again, and I know deep down that he knows it, and that he is enjoying every second of it. It has never been about the kids for him, it's been about control, and pain. And I don't know how to fix what he's done.
I can't tell her everything, I can't cause her more pain to know that "daddy" did all this. I have to prove what she was told was wrong. Well, how do you prove anything when she's already so destroyed that she won't trust you enough to let you try.........
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Crazy week!
Still alive. Kind of! :)
It's been a CRAZY week. Hubby was sick. And I mean miss four days of work sick. He's NEVER sick. And, to be honest, he's still not over being sick.....I wonder if I can convince him to wear a face mask until all chances of contaminating me are gone.....
I've been tattooing like crazy - I was so booked this past week, I couldn't even fit a walk-in in my chair. I'm NOTcomplaining. It's a GOOD thing!
And Scentsy....wow....it's also been selling like crazy! Just trying to keep up with all the orders and deliveries has been exhausting! (again, I'm not complaining!!)
Better posts ARE coming soon....I PROMISE!
Until then, go read some of my favorite bloggers, and go wish Mamarazzi a happy (almost) birthday!!
It's been a CRAZY week. Hubby was sick. And I mean miss four days of work sick. He's NEVER sick. And, to be honest, he's still not over being sick.....I wonder if I can convince him to wear a face mask until all chances of contaminating me are gone.....
I've been tattooing like crazy - I was so booked this past week, I couldn't even fit a walk-in in my chair. I'm NOTcomplaining. It's a GOOD thing!
And Scentsy....wow....it's also been selling like crazy! Just trying to keep up with all the orders and deliveries has been exhausting! (again, I'm not complaining!!)
Better posts ARE coming soon....I PROMISE!
Until then, go read some of my favorite bloggers, and go wish Mamarazzi a happy (almost) birthday!!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Ok, I give up!
I admit, I was looking for the "easy" way to make a post. I went back through all my older draft posts....and nothing. Well, ok, there was a lot of somethings. Just nothing I wanted to mess with editing, and/or re-writing, and/or wanted to deal with the issues in them at the moment.
I started a whole new post on our paintballing experience, but to be honest, I'm too damn tired to do it justice. So, it was added to the "drafts" list. Yes, yet another draft that will probably never be completed, nor see the light of day.
I 'm one of those damn people who think they need to fill up EVERY second of every day....and this past month it is totally catching up to me. So, instead of doing away with something that CAUSES stress, I put off one of the few things that help me relieve stress - this blog!
WTF was I thinking?? Now, my stress reliever is causing anxiety, guilt, and you guessed it - stress! Why, you may ask? It's quite simple. I've hidden my blog away lately like some unwanted stepchild. Ok, not a stepchild. I have a few of those, and they are NOT unwanted.
Sooooo....I hid it away like.....like.....uhmmm.....the crazy aunt that embarrasses the hell out of you. Will that work??
Anyway, I FINALLY make it back to blogland, and guess what? I find that I'm too damn exhausted to actually write anything even resembling a real post....
Don't get me wrong, I have a TON of ideas.....the problem is, I can't get them all quite sorted out to actually type them out. THIS is what happens when you neglect your blog for a damn month! You have SO many things you WANT to write about, that when you actually go to do it, you end up with fucking writer's block. Or in my case, writer's mass chaos of the frontal lobe.
But, I have taken the first step, I AM writing something.....and that has to be a step in the right direction....right??? (Ok, lie to me, just don't tell me that no, it's definitely NOT a good thing to just type what the fuck ever comes to mind, ok? Seriously....tell me I'm not the only one who does this....)
Speaking of y'all....what the hell?? You didn't come click on the ads like a million times to make me some money while I was gone? Or didn't nominate for the most prestigious blogger of the year award? Did y'all even stop by, on the hope that by some SMALL chance, I might, just might, have snuck a new post in without you realizing it? No? Not even a little peek??? Oh well, hopefully since I'm back, y'all will be back...
I started a whole new post on our paintballing experience, but to be honest, I'm too damn tired to do it justice. So, it was added to the "drafts" list. Yes, yet another draft that will probably never be completed, nor see the light of day.
I 'm one of those damn people who think they need to fill up EVERY second of every day....and this past month it is totally catching up to me. So, instead of doing away with something that CAUSES stress, I put off one of the few things that help me relieve stress - this blog!
WTF was I thinking?? Now, my stress reliever is causing anxiety, guilt, and you guessed it - stress! Why, you may ask? It's quite simple. I've hidden my blog away lately like some unwanted stepchild. Ok, not a stepchild. I have a few of those, and they are NOT unwanted.
Sooooo....I hid it away like.....like.....uhmmm.....the crazy aunt that embarrasses the hell out of you. Will that work??
Anyway, I FINALLY make it back to blogland, and guess what? I find that I'm too damn exhausted to actually write anything even resembling a real post....
Don't get me wrong, I have a TON of ideas.....the problem is, I can't get them all quite sorted out to actually type them out. THIS is what happens when you neglect your blog for a damn month! You have SO many things you WANT to write about, that when you actually go to do it, you end up with fucking writer's block. Or in my case, writer's mass chaos of the frontal lobe.
But, I have taken the first step, I AM writing something.....and that has to be a step in the right direction....right??? (Ok, lie to me, just don't tell me that no, it's definitely NOT a good thing to just type what the fuck ever comes to mind, ok? Seriously....tell me I'm not the only one who does this....)
Speaking of y'all....what the hell?? You didn't come click on the ads like a million times to make me some money while I was gone? Or didn't nominate for the most prestigious blogger of the year award? Did y'all even stop by, on the hope that by some SMALL chance, I might, just might, have snuck a new post in without you realizing it? No? Not even a little peek??? Oh well, hopefully since I'm back, y'all will be back...
Friday, February 25, 2011
*waves* Hi y'all!
Yes, I'm still alive!!
Just CRAZY busy!!
I promise to blog more often - now will y'all quit with the death threats??
Please? :)
I have a ton of things to get out and written, I just need the time to do it! (oh, and a laptop back. No worries, new one is on it's way to me as I type this out on my miniscule phone keypad.)
Hope y'all are having a great week/month, and that you didn't have to suffer through the -30 weather we did!
Just CRAZY busy!!
I promise to blog more often - now will y'all quit with the death threats??
Please? :)
I have a ton of things to get out and written, I just need the time to do it! (oh, and a laptop back. No worries, new one is on it's way to me as I type this out on my miniscule phone keypad.)
Hope y'all are having a great week/month, and that you didn't have to suffer through the -30 weather we did!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Friday Fairytale
Ok y'all, to be blunt, Friday SUCKED ASS!! So, instead of reliving it all over again, I decided I would post what my day COULD have been! (Hey, it's my blog, and I can rewrite my day any damn way I please!)
Woke up @ 10, to find that Husband had brought in a maid service and personal chef. The house was SPOTLESS, and we were served a gourmet brunch, complete with mimosas.
We then checked the lottery ticket we found on our front door, and discovered we'd won the lottery.
Due to the shock of this, we decided to take the day off from the studio, and just spend an indulgent day together. We went to a local spa, and got the works done.
We discussed flying to Paris for the weekend, but decided the kids wouldn't enjoy that near as much as a weeklong trip to Disneyland.
So, we set up a camera, and filmed our own little surprise the kids with the trip commercial.
We had 2 hours to catch our plane, but first emailed our video straight to Disney management.
Imagine our surprise, when just before take-off, we got a phone call telling us we had such a great video, it was immediately going to airplay to convince more tattooed families that Disney loves us all!
We've just arrived at the luxurious suite that Disney provided as an added bonus. The kids are being little darlings, and went straight to their room with no problems.
Husband and I decided that once we get home, we're hiring a nanny for a week, and flying to Paris after all. We found the cutest little french country home we want to buy while looking online, and decided why not!
We are thinking of just buying a few homes around the globe, and travelling the world for the next few years. The kids are loving the idea, and have agreed with the plan.
Now, dear readers, I need to get to sleep, as we're being given an EXCLUSIVE tour of the behind the scenes action at the park tomorrow!
Woke up @ 10, to find that Husband had brought in a maid service and personal chef. The house was SPOTLESS, and we were served a gourmet brunch, complete with mimosas.
We then checked the lottery ticket we found on our front door, and discovered we'd won the lottery.
Due to the shock of this, we decided to take the day off from the studio, and just spend an indulgent day together. We went to a local spa, and got the works done.
We discussed flying to Paris for the weekend, but decided the kids wouldn't enjoy that near as much as a weeklong trip to Disneyland.
So, we set up a camera, and filmed our own little surprise the kids with the trip commercial.
We had 2 hours to catch our plane, but first emailed our video straight to Disney management.
Imagine our surprise, when just before take-off, we got a phone call telling us we had such a great video, it was immediately going to airplay to convince more tattooed families that Disney loves us all!
We've just arrived at the luxurious suite that Disney provided as an added bonus. The kids are being little darlings, and went straight to their room with no problems.
Husband and I decided that once we get home, we're hiring a nanny for a week, and flying to Paris after all. We found the cutest little french country home we want to buy while looking online, and decided why not!
We are thinking of just buying a few homes around the globe, and travelling the world for the next few years. The kids are loving the idea, and have agreed with the plan.
Now, dear readers, I need to get to sleep, as we're being given an EXCLUSIVE tour of the behind the scenes action at the park tomorrow!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Friday Confessions - Baby, itls cold outside!
I confess:
That we're expecting.
Expecting morefucking snow, that is.
I have come to HATE the cold weather.
There is no way in hell that Texas should be COLDER than the North Freaking Pole!
There is no way by any grace of anything, that this should be acceptable!
When I can throw boiling water in the air, in TEXAS, and have it turn to oure steam, there is a PROBLEM!
And it was supposed to be 50 tomorrow.
The weatherman now says it will be 38.
We might se 50 on Saturday.
And then - guess what - MORE FUCKING SNOW Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.
I'm going into hibernation.
Seriously.
Either that, or Husband needs to invest in a time share on the equator.
That we're expecting.
Expecting more
I have come to HATE the cold weather.
There is no way in hell that Texas should be COLDER than the North Freaking Pole!
There is no way by any grace of anything, that this should be acceptable!
When I can throw boiling water in the air, in TEXAS, and have it turn to oure steam, there is a PROBLEM!
And it was supposed to be 50 tomorrow.
The weatherman now says it will be 38.
We might se 50 on Saturday.
And then - guess what - MORE FUCKING SNOW Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.
I'm going into hibernation.
Seriously.
Either that, or Husband needs to invest in a time share on the equator.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Worst Advice
(I'm about a week late getting this published, but better late than never!)
The worst advice I ever received was, "It will only hurt for a second."
Ok, wait, I guess that really wouldn't be advice, now would it? :)
Seriously now, the Worst Advice I ever received was probably: "things will change for the better once you're married." While this is true in this, my third marriage, it was NOT true in my first marriage.
To my first husband, being married meant that I had signed ownership papers for him.
Instead of things getting better, and trust me, they really needed to get better, they got worse.
Instead of just getting shoved and pushed around like I had before the marriage, after, it went to out and out abuse.
Choking me? Wasn't a problem for him. In fact, I think in his head he considered it an accomplishment if he could turn me purple without actually making me pass out.
Hitting me? He was one of the best at doing it where it wouldn't leave a visible mark. If he slipped, and by accident left a mark, I was coached on how to play it off to everyone else.
Sexual abuse? Check. If I didn't want to do any of the weird shit he expected, it was because I was cheating on him.
Threats to my life? Got it covered. One of the last things he said to me was to always watch my back, as if he couldn't have me, he would ensure that neither would anyone else.
Threats on my children? Yep, he did that, too. In the end, he took off with them.
Emotional abuse? I don't have enough room to type it all out. Just suffice it to say that I still am recovering from a lot of it.
Controlling? I was told what to wear, how to wear and color my hair, how long a trip the grocery store should take. If I defied any of these, and more, I paid the price.
I know that a lot of my readers don't know a lot of the details of my first marriage. And trust me, even though I did this in kind of smart ass way, it's a part of me that will never fully go away. An abusive relationship is in no way a joke. Yes, 16 years later, I can make jokes about it. That's my way of dealing, and healing, and putting it all behind me.
I'm older now, and I wish I could go back to that 16 year old girl, and get her to listen to me. However, I know that's not possible, and I know she wouldn't have listened. You see, that girl had herself convinced of the same thing others would tell her - commit to it fully, and it will get better.
It didn't. In fact, from what I hear, it wasn't any better for his next wife, or the mistresses, or the girlfriends after that.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you know what is going on is wrong. No matter how many ways you try and justify it, it's not your fault, and it usually won't get better. There are always exceptions, but they are few and far between. You can not change them. They have to want to change themselves, and recondition their way of thinking. There is nothing you can do, until the abuser makes the decision, and takes the steps to make it better.
Know that there are options out there to get help. Know that you will survive once you leave. I won't sugar coat it, and tell you it will be easy. But to me, even with the stalking, and the break ins, my quality of life drastically improved. I felt I could breath, without fear of the next punch. If I didn't want to do the dishes, no one was there to degrade me nine different ways. Sex once again became something I could enjoy.
When I first thought about this topic, this was not where I intended it to go. I was going to write something light hearted, and not quite so personal. However, when I sat down and started typing, this is what came out. Maybe it was time. Hopefully, 16 years later, the healing is coming to a close for me.
For those of you that know someone in an abusive relationship, here is my advice: Don't tell them it's wrong. They already know that. Don't tell them they are stupid. They already feel that. Don't tell them it will get better, and then pretend like you don't know. It most likely won't. Don't tell them that if they, the victim, change, the abuse will stop. It won't. What can you do? Be there to listen, and encourage them - not to judge and condemn. Be the leaning post they need. When, or if, they finally take the step to leave, you will be needed more than you know.
Abusers can be a man or a woman. The victim can be a man or a woman. Abuse is something that doesn't know gender boundaries. An abused man should hold no more shame than an abused woman. Society needs to realize this. An abuser is an abuser, no matter their sex, or who their victims are.
An abused spouse loves the abuser. The abuser doesn't abuse all the time. There are good days. That is why so many of us stay, because we convince ourselves the good will eventually outweigh the bad. We stay because we convince ourselves it's best for the kids. We stay because we don't want to admit to the world that we are being abused, and are taking it. We stay because we don't know any different. We stay.
And then, one day, we leave. We lose a lot. We no longer have a home. We no longer have a "family". We no longer are told what to do and when to do it. We no longer have to cower. We learn to stand up for ourselves. We learn to live again.
The worst advice I ever received was, "It will only hurt for a second."
Ok, wait, I guess that really wouldn't be advice, now would it? :)
Seriously now, the Worst Advice I ever received was probably: "things will change for the better once you're married." While this is true in this, my third marriage, it was NOT true in my first marriage.
To my first husband, being married meant that I had signed ownership papers for him.
Instead of things getting better, and trust me, they really needed to get better, they got worse.
Instead of just getting shoved and pushed around like I had before the marriage, after, it went to out and out abuse.
Choking me? Wasn't a problem for him. In fact, I think in his head he considered it an accomplishment if he could turn me purple without actually making me pass out.
Hitting me? He was one of the best at doing it where it wouldn't leave a visible mark. If he slipped, and by accident left a mark, I was coached on how to play it off to everyone else.
Sexual abuse? Check. If I didn't want to do any of the weird shit he expected, it was because I was cheating on him.
Threats to my life? Got it covered. One of the last things he said to me was to always watch my back, as if he couldn't have me, he would ensure that neither would anyone else.
Threats on my children? Yep, he did that, too. In the end, he took off with them.
Emotional abuse? I don't have enough room to type it all out. Just suffice it to say that I still am recovering from a lot of it.
Controlling? I was told what to wear, how to wear and color my hair, how long a trip the grocery store should take. If I defied any of these, and more, I paid the price.
I know that a lot of my readers don't know a lot of the details of my first marriage. And trust me, even though I did this in kind of smart ass way, it's a part of me that will never fully go away. An abusive relationship is in no way a joke. Yes, 16 years later, I can make jokes about it. That's my way of dealing, and healing, and putting it all behind me.
I'm older now, and I wish I could go back to that 16 year old girl, and get her to listen to me. However, I know that's not possible, and I know she wouldn't have listened. You see, that girl had herself convinced of the same thing others would tell her - commit to it fully, and it will get better.
It didn't. In fact, from what I hear, it wasn't any better for his next wife, or the mistresses, or the girlfriends after that.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you know what is going on is wrong. No matter how many ways you try and justify it, it's not your fault, and it usually won't get better. There are always exceptions, but they are few and far between. You can not change them. They have to want to change themselves, and recondition their way of thinking. There is nothing you can do, until the abuser makes the decision, and takes the steps to make it better.
Know that there are options out there to get help. Know that you will survive once you leave. I won't sugar coat it, and tell you it will be easy. But to me, even with the stalking, and the break ins, my quality of life drastically improved. I felt I could breath, without fear of the next punch. If I didn't want to do the dishes, no one was there to degrade me nine different ways. Sex once again became something I could enjoy.
When I first thought about this topic, this was not where I intended it to go. I was going to write something light hearted, and not quite so personal. However, when I sat down and started typing, this is what came out. Maybe it was time. Hopefully, 16 years later, the healing is coming to a close for me.
For those of you that know someone in an abusive relationship, here is my advice: Don't tell them it's wrong. They already know that. Don't tell them they are stupid. They already feel that. Don't tell them it will get better, and then pretend like you don't know. It most likely won't. Don't tell them that if they, the victim, change, the abuse will stop. It won't. What can you do? Be there to listen, and encourage them - not to judge and condemn. Be the leaning post they need. When, or if, they finally take the step to leave, you will be needed more than you know.
Abusers can be a man or a woman. The victim can be a man or a woman. Abuse is something that doesn't know gender boundaries. An abused man should hold no more shame than an abused woman. Society needs to realize this. An abuser is an abuser, no matter their sex, or who their victims are.
An abused spouse loves the abuser. The abuser doesn't abuse all the time. There are good days. That is why so many of us stay, because we convince ourselves the good will eventually outweigh the bad. We stay because we convince ourselves it's best for the kids. We stay because we don't want to admit to the world that we are being abused, and are taking it. We stay because we don't know any different. We stay.
And then, one day, we leave. We lose a lot. We no longer have a home. We no longer have a "family". We no longer are told what to do and when to do it. We no longer have to cower. We learn to stand up for ourselves. We learn to live again.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I'm back!
With everything going on around here, I have several posts sitting in Draft status. I am working on getting them to published.
The trip to Denver this week put me even further behind (though I have to say that DIA is one of the best airports I've ever been to!), and since I'm too cheap to spend $$$ on a laptop, I just deal with it!
Blog Gang post will be first to be published, albeit a few days late!
Have a great weekend!
The trip to Denver this week put me even further behind (though I have to say that DIA is one of the best airports I've ever been to!), and since I'm too cheap to spend $$$ on a laptop, I just deal with it!
Blog Gang post will be first to be published, albeit a few days late!
Have a great weekend!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day From Hell
Seriously. From Hell. And then some.
I have been through so many emotions today....
And I'm totally fucking exhausted.
I'll post about it all in the next few days.
Right now, I'm going to tuck youngest in bed, and then go do the same to myself.
Y'all have a good night, and trust me - hug you younguns tight, and be happy you can.
I have been through so many emotions today....
And I'm totally fucking exhausted.
I'll post about it all in the next few days.
Right now, I'm going to tuck youngest in bed, and then go do the same to myself.
Y'all have a good night, and trust me - hug you younguns tight, and be happy you can.
Friday, January 21, 2011
I need your help!
Seriously. I need some honest opinions over this way.
For some reason, I decided I could build my own website. I forgot I hadn't done one of these in years, and I need some honest critics to check it out for me.
So, if you will go to: www.babettesseductivescents.com and then give me your true opinions, it would be greatly appreciated!
- is it easy to understand?
- Does it look like a place you would be willing to buy from?
- what changes would you suggest?
- whatever other opinions you might have that would help
And yes, I know that if I had ever thoughts about being anonymous in my blog, they all just went out the window. It's all good.
I just don't trust my "real life" friends to be brutally honest. Heaven knows fellow bloggers don't have that problem! (And really, I need blunt thoughts here - if y'all don't like it, I know my customers won't be as likely to buy!)
For those that are willing to do this - thank you in advance!
In fact, we'll turn this into my first ever blog prize! Comment here with your opinions, and have the chance to have your name drawn randomly to win! We'll leave this open until February 1, 2011. I'll comment here with the winner, and also contact the winner directly. Tell your friends, enemies, co-workers, and neighbors!
For some reason, I decided I could build my own website. I forgot I hadn't done one of these in years, and I need some honest critics to check it out for me.
So, if you will go to: www.babettesseductivescents.com and then give me your true opinions, it would be greatly appreciated!
- is it easy to understand?
- Does it look like a place you would be willing to buy from?
- what changes would you suggest?
- whatever other opinions you might have that would help
And yes, I know that if I had ever thoughts about being anonymous in my blog, they all just went out the window. It's all good.
I just don't trust my "real life" friends to be brutally honest. Heaven knows fellow bloggers don't have that problem! (And really, I need blunt thoughts here - if y'all don't like it, I know my customers won't be as likely to buy!)
For those that are willing to do this - thank you in advance!
In fact, we'll turn this into my first ever blog prize! Comment here with your opinions, and have the chance to have your name drawn randomly to win! We'll leave this open until February 1, 2011. I'll comment here with the winner, and also contact the winner directly. Tell your friends, enemies, co-workers, and neighbors!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Ten on Tuesday
1. What’s your favorite color to paint your nails? Blue. Don't ask why, for some reason, that is just my go to color. I'm weird like that
2. Do you like to sneeze? Hell no. Did you know that in that one instant you are sneezing your entire body shuts down??
3. How often do you fill up your car with gas? Weekly - at least. Sometimes it seems like daily.
4. Were you named after anyone? Yep. A woman my momma went to school with. She liked the name. Sorry, no big heart rending story, there!
5. Have you made any good recipes lately? NY Strip steak with a wine sauce. Does that count?
6. What’s an easy money-saving tip that you use regularly? Don't go to Walmart with the kids in tow. I save a hell of a lot of money that way!
7. Would you rather have a sore throat or an ear ache? Sore throat, definitely!
8. Do you have any scars? What are they from? A bunch! Technically all my tattoos are just colored scars, but I have "real" scars from bike wrecks, basketball, and more.
9. What are you “known for” in your circle of friends/family? Scentsy and Tattoos - and for probably being the grumpy bitch of the group. I'm sure my friends are just being nice when they deny that.
10. How do you like to eat your pancakes? Butter and maple syrup!! (lots of it!) Oh!! And I have to have sausage to dip in the syrup!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Just don't understand...
(First, let me apologize for that horrible last post. I wrote it way too fast, without a lot of thought. I'm sure that I'll end up re-writing it completely very soon. Thanks for not unfollowing me for that one!)
Now, on to the real post:
I got a mesage today from a friend. He wanted to let me know he was going to be a daddy.
I know, y'all are thinking: Yay! Misfit's friend is gonna have a bambino in the house soon. Yeah, that's not the thought that went through my head, to say the least.
I'm not being a bitch. Ok, so maybe I am just a little.
However, when friend is closer to 50 than to 20, and has only been with the woman 3 months - well, I just can't get that whole, "I'm happy for you" vibe going.
Ok, even the above I could deal with.
BUT, when said "new mommy" already has TEN kids, by at least 6 different daddies...yeah, hard to be excited.
When friend is in town on business, and new mommy calls to say she's going to...uhmmmm...perform activities with a "friend" to make extra money.....hard to get excited.
When friend is in town to take car of rental property, and new mommy's old boyfriend answers phone and tells friend not to ever call her again....still can't bring myself to get excited.
When the first thought that came to my mind was, "you ARE getting a DNA test, I knew I couldn't be excited.
In fact, I wanted to get in my car, drive over to where friend and new mommy are residing, and knock friend upside the head.
Maybe it would wake his ass up....I doubt it...but maybe.
Now, on to the real post:
I got a mesage today from a friend. He wanted to let me know he was going to be a daddy.
I know, y'all are thinking: Yay! Misfit's friend is gonna have a bambino in the house soon. Yeah, that's not the thought that went through my head, to say the least.
I'm not being a bitch. Ok, so maybe I am just a little.
However, when friend is closer to 50 than to 20, and has only been with the woman 3 months - well, I just can't get that whole, "I'm happy for you" vibe going.
Ok, even the above I could deal with.
BUT, when said "new mommy" already has TEN kids, by at least 6 different daddies...yeah, hard to be excited.
When friend is in town on business, and new mommy calls to say she's going to...uhmmmm...perform activities with a "friend" to make extra money.....hard to get excited.
When friend is in town to take car of rental property, and new mommy's old boyfriend answers phone and tells friend not to ever call her again....still can't bring myself to get excited.
When the first thought that came to my mind was, "you ARE getting a DNA test, I knew I couldn't be excited.
In fact, I wanted to get in my car, drive over to where friend and new mommy are residing, and knock friend upside the head.
Maybe it would wake his ass up....I doubt it...but maybe.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Fact or Fiction: Blog Gang
My post is a little late - sorry y'all! I finally had to threaten my computer with a sledgehammer to get it to work right for me!
Anywho - today I'm supposed to be writing on the topic, "Fact or Fiction". To be honest, I've been trying to think this one through in my head for two weeks, and I just keep ending up at a wall. On that note, I'm just going to wing it, and hope for the best!
Here's the basics:
Ever watched a court show on TV? Or been in court? (If not, what rock did you just crawl out from under?) Remember all the lawyers/actors always going on about, "The FACTS of the case are blah, blah, blah." Uhmmm...yeah...most of them weren't FACTS. They were someone's version of the truth. Unless there is a video and audio recording of the event, don't count on what you are told as being the FACTS.
Don't believe me? Say you witness an accident on Main Street, USA between a red Ford truck and a blue Chevy car. This to you is a fact, right? Well, to the witness across the road who says the facts are: A maroon Ford F150 pick-up with white pinstripes, ran into the teal Chevrolet Camaro, your version is not a fact, it's bits and pieces of it. The 26 year old driving the aqua Chevy will claim that the truck looked like a Ford F250, and had red paint with beige stripes down the side.
Ever sat there with a friend and heard them tell a story about the time you two got drunk? You know damn good and well there was no bar fight, and that you are the one that drove home. However, in their version, you were both involved in some major altercation, and you were so drunk you couldn't even walk to the car. Are they intentionally lying? Probably not. But once the story starts to be told, your friend may remember some little thing about the night that you don't. In your friends mind, it was a HUGE deal, and it's what they remember most. You don't remember it that way. Who's the one telling the fact, and who's telling the fiction? Trust me, after a few years of the same story, you're going to start to wonder yourself if your version of the facts is in actuality the fiction.
What I'm trying to get at is this: While you may fully believe you are telling the facts of what you saw or did, you are in all actuality telling your version of the facts, with a little bit of fiction thrown in. It's human nature. We embellish. We all remember different things about the same event. Why do you think cops try to get as many witness statements as possible? It's so that HOPEFULLY out of 15 stories they can find enough that say the same things here and there. They, in turn, write down the similarities as "Fact".
And y'all wonder why, 40+ years later, we still don't know who shot JFK....
Anywho - today I'm supposed to be writing on the topic, "Fact or Fiction". To be honest, I've been trying to think this one through in my head for two weeks, and I just keep ending up at a wall. On that note, I'm just going to wing it, and hope for the best!
Here's the basics:
- Fact = something that can be proven to be true, beyond any reasonable doubt.
- Fiction = an embellishment of a fact, or a made up story for entertainment.
Ever watched a court show on TV? Or been in court? (If not, what rock did you just crawl out from under?) Remember all the lawyers/actors always going on about, "The FACTS of the case are blah, blah, blah." Uhmmm...yeah...most of them weren't FACTS. They were someone's version of the truth. Unless there is a video and audio recording of the event, don't count on what you are told as being the FACTS.
Don't believe me? Say you witness an accident on Main Street, USA between a red Ford truck and a blue Chevy car. This to you is a fact, right? Well, to the witness across the road who says the facts are: A maroon Ford F150 pick-up with white pinstripes, ran into the teal Chevrolet Camaro, your version is not a fact, it's bits and pieces of it. The 26 year old driving the aqua Chevy will claim that the truck looked like a Ford F250, and had red paint with beige stripes down the side.
Ever sat there with a friend and heard them tell a story about the time you two got drunk? You know damn good and well there was no bar fight, and that you are the one that drove home. However, in their version, you were both involved in some major altercation, and you were so drunk you couldn't even walk to the car. Are they intentionally lying? Probably not. But once the story starts to be told, your friend may remember some little thing about the night that you don't. In your friends mind, it was a HUGE deal, and it's what they remember most. You don't remember it that way. Who's the one telling the fact, and who's telling the fiction? Trust me, after a few years of the same story, you're going to start to wonder yourself if your version of the facts is in actuality the fiction.
What I'm trying to get at is this: While you may fully believe you are telling the facts of what you saw or did, you are in all actuality telling your version of the facts, with a little bit of fiction thrown in. It's human nature. We embellish. We all remember different things about the same event. Why do you think cops try to get as many witness statements as possible? It's so that HOPEFULLY out of 15 stories they can find enough that say the same things here and there. They, in turn, write down the similarities as "Fact".
And y'all wonder why, 40+ years later, we still don't know who shot JFK....
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Ten on Tuesday
Since I can't don't want to organize all my thoughts to write a "real" blog today, I'm joining in on this one, this week! Hell, probably every week!
1. Is there a band/artist that you HATE?
Yes, Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, Kelly Clarkson...uhmm...well, you get the idea.
2. What do you do when you get a gift that you do not like? How do you react?
I act appreciative, but to be honest, I can't remember the last gift I got that I didn't like.
3. How is your work office/cubicle decorated?
Decorated? Do you consider mass chaos, "decorating"?
4. Do you use all of your vacation every year?
Uhmmmm....what vacation days??? I'm self-employed, there is no such thing in my world!
5. Did you have a real or fake Christmas tree?
Fake. And the one at the house is silver, the one at the studio is black. Deal with it. They are both actually taken down, though. That ought to score me points somehow.
6. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would it be?
A bowl of cereal. I doubt that Husband and kids would go for it, though.
7. Do you bite your fingernails?
Hell no! Do you know what gets stuck underneath your fingernails?
8. How many cups of coffee do you drink each day?
None. I do, however, drink a shit ton of coke.
9. Do you have a nervous tick?
I chew the inside of my cheek. It drives Husband nuts.
10. How often do you vacuum?
At least twice a week. Usually more.
1. Is there a band/artist that you HATE?
Yes, Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, Kelly Clarkson...uhmm...well, you get the idea.
2. What do you do when you get a gift that you do not like? How do you react?
I act appreciative, but to be honest, I can't remember the last gift I got that I didn't like.
3. How is your work office/cubicle decorated?
Decorated? Do you consider mass chaos, "decorating"?
4. Do you use all of your vacation every year?
Uhmmmm....what vacation days??? I'm self-employed, there is no such thing in my world!
5. Did you have a real or fake Christmas tree?
Fake. And the one at the house is silver, the one at the studio is black. Deal with it. They are both actually taken down, though. That ought to score me points somehow.
6. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would it be?
A bowl of cereal. I doubt that Husband and kids would go for it, though.
7. Do you bite your fingernails?
Hell no! Do you know what gets stuck underneath your fingernails?
8. How many cups of coffee do you drink each day?
None. I do, however, drink a shit ton of coke.
9. Do you have a nervous tick?
I chew the inside of my cheek. It drives Husband nuts.
10. How often do you vacuum?
At least twice a week. Usually more.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Friday Confessional
Yes, I know, I've been slacking on my confessions, but I'm back now - so stop sending all the hate mail!!
I confess:
I confess:
- I'm supposed to be converting a version of the clean eating lifestyle.
- I have decided that on occasion, ho hos are included in the clean eating lifestyle
- So is Coca-Cola.
- You'd think I was sucking at this "diet"
- You'd be surprised to know that I've lost 12 lbs in 3 weeks on it.
- I have a friend who is greatly upset that her o.b. tampons are missing from store shelves.
- Me, being me, decided to look into it for her.
- I spent 30 minutes reading on why o.b. is no longer available.
- It seems there is no answer.
- I don't know why I even wasted the time - I don't even use the damn things!
- I am once again being subjected to "man talk"
- I don't really mind this so much, but they feel the need to include me in the conversation here and there.
- I'd really rather just sit here on my computer, and live on Facbeook and blog land.
- I'm not trying to be mean, but there are times a woman just needs some time to "get away"
- Speaking of getting away, I'm going to Denver in a few weeks.
- I seem to think I need to learn more on how to be a Scentsy Independent Consultant, and spend money while doing so.
- I also finally decided on a name for my website, thanks to a friend, I went with a more "suggestive" name, so y'all need to go buy tons of wickless candles, at www.BabettesSeductiveScents.com
- I'm not ashamed to promote myself in my own blog, hell y'all aren't clicking on the google ads and making me a millionaire, so I have to make money somewhere to feed my starving children!
- Ok, my kids really aren't starving, but they think they are. They just don't like my idea of "good food".
- I'm hoping that by not feeding them the food they want, they will get the hint, and start cooking every once in awhile.
- Oldest is going to be so screwed when he leaves the nest in a few months, and food no longer magically appears for him every night.
- I'm willing to bet that if you could cook using a PS3, Wii, or Xbox, I'd have gourmet dinners every damn night.
- I get phone calls, "When are you coming home?" "What are we having for supper?"
- I wonder what they would do if I told them fried worms.
- Now that I've bored you long enough, and went off on several different topics, I'll go away, and let you get back to REAL blogs to read!
Oldest is (almost) all growed up!
Meeting at the school this morning on Oldest. (Wonder Mom decided it was her once a year, time to pretend like she gives a damn, and put on a (not so convincing) show, so she was there. I try to be nice, as I know Oldest still holds out hope that things will change in their relationship. Sometimes it's not easy to be nice.)
Good news! Oldest has finally pulled his head out, and is pulling all As and Bs! Then again, getting threatened to lose all your electronic gadgets & privileges, may have something to do with it.
He's now also decided that, *gasp* we were right. College does sound like a good idea. Now to get all the paperwork filled out for grants, scholarships, and loans. Keep your fingers crossed for him/us!
I also realized today that in THREE months, he will be 18. I don't think I'm looking forward to that. I remember what I pulled when I turned 18. (Please, please, please let him be smarter than I was!)
This also means that prom is coming up. Which means tux rentals, flowers, limo, and so much more. (In case you don't have kids, this all translates to $$$.)
Graduation is also coming up. We still need to order his announcements. Figure out who to invite. Make graduation party plans. (Figured out yet that this also translates to $$$??)
I am NOT ready for all of this! He's NOT supposed to be old enough for all of these things. Seriously. He's supposed to be 12, or something like that.
I'm excited for him, but we're not going to adjust well to the fact he will be a full fledged adult. An adult trying to make it in this crazy world.....
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Letter to my 15 year old self
Dear obnoxious know-it-all brat Self,
All those girls you want to be like? They don't change much over the years. In fact, most of them that think they're better than everyone? Yeah, they went to college, realized they couldn't handle living life for real, and moved back to Dot On The Map, Kansas. Quit thinking you need to be like them. It's so not worth it. I promise.
It won't matter in 5 years what you wore to school on Monday. Or Thursday. Or Friday, for that matter.
Put down the damn Aquanet already. Yes, I see that it gives you that totally awesome dog eared, 6 inch tall hair. You'll look back at those pictures and ask yourself, "What the FUCK was I thinking??" Don't worry though, you aren't far away from the grunge look. And you that means you can get away with getting up 10 minutes before you're supposed to be at school. This is NOT a good look (and for all my readers - this is NOT me, it's a pic I found here: http://www.liketotally80s.com though this is close to what we used to do! LOL) :
Concentrate on your art classes. Yes, I know you already like them. Ok, ok...you love them. But dammit, quit worrying about that senior guy that winks at you every day, and LISTEN to what Mr. Phillipy is telling you. You ARE going to need this later in life. I promise!
Those Pepe jeans you saved and saved to buy? In 10 years, no one will even know what they are. But, you will still only be able to find one brand of jeans that fit you "just right". Calvin Klein will be your jean of choice for awhile. Then, out of no where, they'll stop making that brand too. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is - really, they aren't that important. Quit wasting your damn money. Start saving it. You will need it in the not too distant future.
Start being nicer to your mom. She's one of the few that will always be in your corner.
Stop being jealous that your dad seems to spend more time with your sister. You're the idiot that never let him know you were interested in the motorcycles, and his life.
And, while we're on mom and dad - quit. Seriously. I know that you think you need to "fit in" with all the "cool" girls. That doesn't mean you need to be embarrassed of our parents. Look at all they sacrifice for you. While you may not realize it now, you are luckier than a lot of your classmates. Your parents love you unconditionally. You'll realize this in later years. Especially when you can't spend as much time with them as you'd like to. Besides, I know as well as you do, that you secretly love going to places like Deerfield beach to all the "biker" parties. That you wouldn't change a damn thing for yourself. So, again, quit.
That guy you just started dating? Uhmmm....yeah...so not worth it, either. He thinks that just because you have big boobs, you're going to be easy. Just dump his ass now, don't wait 4 months to finally decide he's an ass.
And that one guy? The one that you just know that you can "change" and "help"? Let me fill you in. He's going to slowly take your life away from you. All those guys that have been your friends since you were like, two? You're going to have to tell them goodbye, or risk being accused of sleeping with every single one of them. Repeatedly. When that guy shoves you? Yeah, don't believe him when he says it's because he loves you so much, and you "hurt" him. Nope. It's cuz he's an abusive, insecure jerk. In a few years, he will have progressed to out and out hitting you. He'll even take your birth control pills and crush them every time he comes across them. In some twisted way, you will believe him when he tells you that you don't need them if you aren't cheating on him. It won't matter though, when you show up knocked up half way through your senior year, he'll go through a list of all the guy friends you said goodbye to, and claim that you were sleeping with all of them. Your daughter from this? She'll be worth it. Way worth it. But seriously, as soon as possible, leave his ass. He doesn't change. In fact, he gets worse. Way worse.
Now, quit worrying about the zits, the bad hair days, etc. They won't matter later on.
And all those "rich" girls? Not so "rich" after all. And some of them will end up being jealous of you in about 10 years or so. Really jealous. So jealous, they're going to pretend that y'all were the bestest of friends back in the day. You'll enjoy being able to tell them to kiss off.
I'm sure there's lots I forgot to tell you, so don't be surprised if another letter shows up out of nowhere, again. Maybe you'll actually pay attention to the next one...
B
All those girls you want to be like? They don't change much over the years. In fact, most of them that think they're better than everyone? Yeah, they went to college, realized they couldn't handle living life for real, and moved back to Dot On The Map, Kansas. Quit thinking you need to be like them. It's so not worth it. I promise.
It won't matter in 5 years what you wore to school on Monday. Or Thursday. Or Friday, for that matter.
Put down the damn Aquanet already. Yes, I see that it gives you that totally awesome dog eared, 6 inch tall hair. You'll look back at those pictures and ask yourself, "What the FUCK was I thinking??" Don't worry though, you aren't far away from the grunge look. And you that means you can get away with getting up 10 minutes before you're supposed to be at school. This is NOT a good look (and for all my readers - this is NOT me, it's a pic I found here: http://www.liketotally80s.com though this is close to what we used to do! LOL) :
Concentrate on your art classes. Yes, I know you already like them. Ok, ok...you love them. But dammit, quit worrying about that senior guy that winks at you every day, and LISTEN to what Mr. Phillipy is telling you. You ARE going to need this later in life. I promise!
Those Pepe jeans you saved and saved to buy? In 10 years, no one will even know what they are. But, you will still only be able to find one brand of jeans that fit you "just right". Calvin Klein will be your jean of choice for awhile. Then, out of no where, they'll stop making that brand too. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is - really, they aren't that important. Quit wasting your damn money. Start saving it. You will need it in the not too distant future.
Start being nicer to your mom. She's one of the few that will always be in your corner.
Stop being jealous that your dad seems to spend more time with your sister. You're the idiot that never let him know you were interested in the motorcycles, and his life.
And, while we're on mom and dad - quit. Seriously. I know that you think you need to "fit in" with all the "cool" girls. That doesn't mean you need to be embarrassed of our parents. Look at all they sacrifice for you. While you may not realize it now, you are luckier than a lot of your classmates. Your parents love you unconditionally. You'll realize this in later years. Especially when you can't spend as much time with them as you'd like to. Besides, I know as well as you do, that you secretly love going to places like Deerfield beach to all the "biker" parties. That you wouldn't change a damn thing for yourself. So, again, quit.
That guy you just started dating? Uhmmm....yeah...so not worth it, either. He thinks that just because you have big boobs, you're going to be easy. Just dump his ass now, don't wait 4 months to finally decide he's an ass.
And that one guy? The one that you just know that you can "change" and "help"? Let me fill you in. He's going to slowly take your life away from you. All those guys that have been your friends since you were like, two? You're going to have to tell them goodbye, or risk being accused of sleeping with every single one of them. Repeatedly. When that guy shoves you? Yeah, don't believe him when he says it's because he loves you so much, and you "hurt" him. Nope. It's cuz he's an abusive, insecure jerk. In a few years, he will have progressed to out and out hitting you. He'll even take your birth control pills and crush them every time he comes across them. In some twisted way, you will believe him when he tells you that you don't need them if you aren't cheating on him. It won't matter though, when you show up knocked up half way through your senior year, he'll go through a list of all the guy friends you said goodbye to, and claim that you were sleeping with all of them. Your daughter from this? She'll be worth it. Way worth it. But seriously, as soon as possible, leave his ass. He doesn't change. In fact, he gets worse. Way worse.
Now, quit worrying about the zits, the bad hair days, etc. They won't matter later on.
And all those "rich" girls? Not so "rich" after all. And some of them will end up being jealous of you in about 10 years or so. Really jealous. So jealous, they're going to pretend that y'all were the bestest of friends back in the day. You'll enjoy being able to tell them to kiss off.
I'm sure there's lots I forgot to tell you, so don't be surprised if another letter shows up out of nowhere, again. Maybe you'll actually pay attention to the next one...
B
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