Facebook Friends Fridays

Since my Facebook friends constantly scare amuse me with their status updates, I've decided they deserve a day  reserved just for them! (ok, I will probably also post other things on Fridays, too. In fact, since this Friday Thursday is also Blog Gang day, but I know that I will be late getting it out (hey, at least I know my faults dammit), y'all get to have two posts from me today. Don't you feel super excited and lucky as hell??

~"There's fur all over my house!!!!!!" Have you joined in on that weird craze and become a Furry? If so, please, do not EVER post details of what you do when you put that costume on. Really, I don't want ANY details... 

~"Ready to have a couple hours off this afternoon to finish up some laundry and workout. If my house is cold I'm starting a fire!" I truly believe you need to see a therapist. No one in their right mind would be happy to be able to do laundry! 

~"short work week for me....yea!!!" I don't like you right now. I haven't had a fucking day off in 7 days, and it will be another 5 before I can even consider the possibility. 

~"Happy Monday Friends! :) The Only Thing Keeping Me In A Good Mood This Monday Is I Only Have A 3 Day Work Week! Woot Woot! ♥" What the hell is it with you people?? Mondays are not HAPPY. They might be if I could just stay in bed all day, but since I can't, Mondays do not qualify for a "happy" anything in my book. Now, on to the main subject: How in the hell are TWO of my friends getting short work weeks? Y'all suck, just want you to know that. 

~"Bout got my leg stuck in a hooker boot earlier! Whew! That could've been bad! :)" So, uhmmm....was this YOUR hooker boot? Or did you try to put on a hooker's boot? I'm confused here. I thought most hookers left as many clothing items on as possible while doing the deed. Then again, as I have no experience beyond watching "Pretty Woman" and other movies with hookers, I could be totally wrong.
  
~"...haha! Hyper today! Was bustin a move in automotive today! Priceless though because here I was shakin my tailfeathers & I turn around & theres an 80someodd year old man breakin it down with me!! Gotta love 100.9 the Eagle!" I wish I could have seen this. Really, I do. You do not strike me as the type to do this, for one. And for another, would have loved to have seen ya getting down with an 80 some year old!

~"got a little giggle at sonic just now... but I better not be a mean person so I will keep it to myself..." No, no, no. You do not keep whatever it is to yourself. YOu share it with world so we can all have a little humor in our day, too. Not to mention that you have now officially become a tease. And that is just wrong. When it comes to gossip anyway. YOu want to tease the boys? Have at it! 

~"If the broom fits...fly it" Soooo....are you a good witch, or a bad witch? Or are just a bitch and trying to make it sound nice? Either way, can I get a broom, too?  

~"Thank you, Facebook, for letting me reconnect with people whom never liked me in high school." I couldn't agree more, in fact I was just talking about this exact thing a few days ago. Why is it that all those who thought they were better than me in HS now want to pretend to be my best friend? I much prefer the company of friends I have now, who TRULY give a shit about me, thank you very much.

Halloween - Blog Gang

So, this week's Blog Gang topic is Halloween. I don't even know where to start with this one! Be forewarned that this could be a long post!

Halloween has been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. To me it's always been better than Christmas and all the other holidays combined! I mean, seriously, when else can you dress as crazy as you want and be considered normal? Not to mention that up until about the age of 12 to 14 you can dress up, act crazy and get CANDY.....what more can you ask for from a holiday? (We will not get into all the toilet paper, eggs, and shaving cream shenanigans I got up to around age 14. We'll just say that I was a normal teenager, and it was much more lenient times when it came to law enforcement officers!) And that's even before you get into the decorations, or carving pumpkins. Besides, the weather is almost perfect this time of year: not too cold, not too hot.

I've always loved dressing up, and seeing everyone else's costumes, too. I remember when I was younger my mother would try and make our costumes every year. To this day, I don't know what my favorite one was. Was it the year I was a witch and she hand beaded a spider on my cape? Was it the year I was a sorceress?

I try and do the same for my children, though there have been times that they wanted store bought costumes. That's ok, I've still instilled a love of the Halloween spirit into them. Each year, I give them Halloween baskets. I guess we can pretend they come from the Great Pumpkin. (They both also love Nightmare Before Christmas - how could any child of mine not? Come on, I even have Jack and Sally tattooed on me!) Oldest has been working a haunted house the past few nights, and tomorrow night Youngest will join him in the adventure as a child patient with a demented nurse in an insane asylum. I did not ask youngest to do this, we went through the haunt, and he wanted to know why he couldn't be in it. We did some asking, and lo and behold, his wish came true.

I still dress up for Halloween to this day, and try and come up with something new every year. This year, I'm going as a 50's pin-up girl, with a Day of the Dead face. I've been witches, vampires, living dead dolls, genies, zombies, and even a bride.

Now wait, before you think, "bride, who the hell would dress up as a bride for Halloween unless it's like a dead, bleeding zombie bride?", let me rephrase that a little. On Halloween, I was a bride. Or to be more exact, on the eve BEFORE Halloween (or in some circle's "Hell night"), I was a bride. That's right, it's almost Husband and I's anniversary!

We had actually wanted to get married on Halloween, but five years ago, Halloween had the bad luck of falling on a Monday, and everyone griped that getting married on a Monday wasn't right, and that they wouldn't be able to make it, blah, blah, blah. Soooo.....we got married on October 30, a Sunday. It's all good though. We still dressed up a little different - my dress was hot pink and black, he wore tails and a top hat with a black and red spiderweb shirt. Our boys stood up with us, one as a grim reaper, the other as Spiderman. My matron of honor was a gothic Raggedy Ann, and oldest daughter (bridesmaid) was a princess. Best man wore an outfit he had purchased in India ( I don't know what he was dressed AS...just know that was one kick ass suit!). .

We walked down the aisle to Uncle Kracker's "Follow Me", and walked out to "Highway to Hell". Our cake was based on the cake from Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride". I made it, and decided to be twisted. I dyed the cake black, and had raspberry filling in the layers, so it looked as if the cake was bleeding - oh, and we cut it with a meat cleaver. We also did our toast to each other with Jack Daniels, out of skeleton hand wine glasses. Oh, and before I forget - our invitations were coffin shaped, our  bubbles looked like vials of blood, and out guests also wore costumes! (What, you think I call myself the "Misfit Mommy" just for the hell of it? Nope, Husband and I tend to do things OUR way, everyone else be damned!)

In other words - I figured out how to make sure that Halloween would always continue to be special to me, no matter my age! Even when I'm in a rest home and wheelchair bound, and can no longer dress up, I still get to remember my wedding day. How awesome is that?  (Oh, and remember how I said that we had to switch to the day BEFORE Halloween for the wedding? Well, the person who officiated messed up and put October 31st as our date of marriage. I keep trying to convince Husband that means we have TWO anniversaries, but he hasn't gone for it....)

Since I could go on FOREVER about Halloween and why I love it, and all of you would end up getting extremely bored, and decide to never, ever read my blog again, I'm going to leave off with this:

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HUSBAND!! It's been a great five years of marriage, and here's to many, many more years together! Thank you for putting up with my crazy ass, the fact that I can't sleep half the time, the fact that my unorganized butt drives your extremely organized self to the point of insanity, and so many more things that I know drive you nuts! :) Love you!

I really need to get back in the swing of things

At this time last year, I was selling my art online. I sold at least one painting a week to people all across the United States. I no sooner had one painted, and it was already being sold.

I didn't intentionally put down my paintbrushes. I simply decided one day that I was taking a vacation from it for a week or two. My week or two has now turned into 9 months.

9 months is enough time for the human body to produce a living, breathing being. Yet I haven't been able to produce on painting?

I still do tattoos, so it's not like I walked away from art. I really have no excuses for not doing at least one painting a week.

I'm suffering from ome major guilt here. I put something off that I truly enjoyed. And I really have no excuse for it.

I came across pictures the other day of some of my paintings. That made my guilt even worse. Now I really want to start painting them again. The only question in my head: Am I REALLY wanting to start painting them because I'm still going to ENJOY it, or am I doing it because I've guilted myself into it?

There's only one way to find out. Paint one picture.

If it leads to another, then I know I'm doing it for enjoyment.

I'm really hoping for more than one painting. I miss the relaxation and fun I used to get from them. I miss getting the feedback from buyers on how much they are enjoying having them.

Maybe I just answered my owner fears. If I'm missing all of that, then maybe it's not guilt after all. Maybe it's missing that little window in time that was all mine. The moments where I could create my own little  piece of the world.

I guess we'll find out tomorrow when I pick up the paintbrush and put it back on the wood. (Yes, wood. I paint folk style art on reclaimed pieces of wood. And they sell. Go figure.)

I think my car is the reincarnation of Christine...

Either my car is a newer version of Christine, (if you don't know who Christine is, you are missing out on a great book and movie..) or it is cursed.

I'm voting for option one. I have decided that my car has come to like blood and sacrifice.

I've had it for 2 years. In that time, it has accepted a deer, a pheasant, part of a deer that the pick-up in front of me hit, and as of last night, a rabbit as sacrifices to stave off the blood craving.

That is an animal every SIX MONTHS. Seriously, do you know of any OTHER car that has done this?

And, before all of you think that maybe I'm just a bad driver, let me let you in on a little secret. I wasn't driving all four times. I was only driving it for the part of a deer and the rabbit. Therefore, it HAS to be the car.

I sent my friend a text last night to let her know that my car had claimed yet another victim, and therefore convincing me once and for all that a curse has been laid on it. She instead, let me know that it may not be cursed, and maybe is just the new Christine.

Ok, dear friend, that didn't help me. I could handle a cursed car. I could take a cursed car to a witch doctor and have him remove all the curses. However, if my car has developed Christine like traits, I'm screwed. I don't think that there is a cure for homicidal maniacs.

Friend then decided that maybe the rabbit had gotten tired of living it's little rabbit life, and was simply committing suicide. I'm not going for that theory, I still think the car just likes it's blood and sacrifices every six months, and this time took the life of a cute, furry innocent.

After I inspected the car for damages, and got back on the road, I became even more convinced that the car is evil. In the next eight miles of roadway, I counted 32 more rabbits. They were hopping up to the side of the road, but were just sitting there staring at my car as I drove past. I'm convinced they were either all plotting against me to get revenge for killing their friend, or that the car was calling out to them as the blood from one little rabbit wasn't enough to cure it's craving this time around.

My friend tried to console me, and told me that no, they were simply paying respects to their dear departed friend who jumped in front of my car and took it's own life. She even concocted a story about how they had all just found the suicide note.

I'm still not convinced. I am getting to the point I think I need to be scared of my car. And thanks to friend pointing out the Christine aspects, now I get to worry that next time I get in the car, the doors will lock, the radio will only play songs from the 1950s, and I will choke to death on what I am eating.

Why do I do this to myself??

I have a problem.

That's the first step, right? Admitting it. Well, there, I admitted it.

I have a tendency to over-commit myself. Then I wonder why I can't get organized, and everything is in eternal chaos.

Husband and I run our own business, I sell for 2 direct sales companies. I have downlines in the 2 companies that I have to help and watch over. I also have kids and a house to take care of.

Due to the business & being a consultant, the house always gets put off. I have a mountain of laundry to do, my den is full of about 10 boxes of stuff i need to go through.

We recently redecorated the living room, and all the crap that we didnt bring back in is still temporarily living in the kitchen.

I need a magic cleaning fairy. Or at least a cheap maid.

Since both are no where to be found, then I request more hours be added into my day so I can stop feeling like a failure when it comes to housekeeping duties.

It might help if i wasn't such a pack rat. Just ask Husband, this is something i KNOW he will agree with me on. While I'm not bad enough to be on "Hoarders", I do have a problem throwing or giving things away.

Wow, will you look at that, I admitted to having TWO problems. That's a record, i know it is!

Can i have the cleaning fairy and her best friend, the organize-everything-in-your-life fairy as my prize? Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top?

No? Well, dammit, do i at least get a gold star, then?

I'll take it as a compliment

Youngest told me tonight, "You're the weirdest person I know, Mommy."

I've achieved my goal. Even my kids think I'm weird.

Why did he say this, you may ask? Because Mommy is scared of spiders. Especially the one that was in my bed. Double especially the black widow that was on a bottle of paint not 4 inches from Husband's hand.

That is not the part Youngest found weird. After the black widow incident, Youngest discovered I have a spider on my neck. Granted, it's black & white crystals, and is a necklace.

Therefore, is totally different than a living moving thing.

However, in 10 yr old land, this makes me weird.

Maybe he's right.

Thanks Facebook friends! part 2

Yet more random posts from my friends on Facebook...

~"lets not do that again, haha" First, tell me what the hell you did, then I'll tell you whether we should do it again. If it's illegal - probably not. If it's fun - most definitely. If it's illegal and fun - we'll do it, and say we didn't.

~"The voices in my head are having conversations with my imaginary friends and I can't get a word in edgewise!" This happens to you, too? I call it brain worms, but imaginary friends will do in a pinch! Sometimes it's best just to let them have their say. Then when they go to sleep, start yelling at them. It can be quite entertaining!

~"I'm gonna start stabbing random people in the throat"  Instead of random, can I make a few suggestions??

~"have multiple personalities, and not a damn one of them like you... You should run. Like now." It's ok, my multiple personalities can kick your multiple personalities butts! Or, knowing my luck, they would get along with yours, and end up plotting to destroy the world, therefore landing both our butts in jail. But at least we'd have fun!

~"wow my fingers are SOO numb this morning....hope it wears off soon i'm having a hard time typing...lol" And just what the hell were you doing with your fingers for them to be numb?? Nevermind, I probably don't want to know....wait, I thought you had a husband to take care of that for you? Leaving this alone now......

~"Thank God its "Fist pumping time today" felt like it wouldnt ever get here..lol.."OH Yea Jersey shore Time YEa!!" Whoa, wait a minute, Jersey Shore? You mean people actually watch that crap? Seriously? WHY??

~"My weekend started 2 hrs ago and I'm already in my sweats and lounging on the couch! ♥" Ok, you suck. Even my weekends aren't weekends. In fact, I just realized I don't get a single day off this week. You double suck.

 

Thanks Facebook friends!!

Here are some totally random FB statuses from people on my friend's list. Some kinda scare me a 'lil.

~ "Today is one of those days where I'm getting angry enough to punch a baby... next stupid person is getting told to go fornicate with a landmine."   Ok, see, now I can totally relate to fornicate with a landmine, but the fact you are considering punching babies, well, that kind scares me a lil.....

~"Life is like a roll of toilet paper, we never know how much we've wasted til we get to the end. Let's just hope that when we look back, we didn't waste it all on shit!!!"  Uhmm...so you'd rather the people and/or events in your life be compared to snot or urine, sorry, not sounding much better than shit in my book. Just saying

.~"There is one fly in the house that must be a super hero among flies because he hasn't died in the 2 hours that he's been buzzing me and I know my fly spray has sprayed at least 4 times. (No the can is not empty, I can smell it when it sprays.)"  Ok, so you've either encountered a mutant fly that will kill you in your sleep, or you are smelling fumes still left in the can. Either way, this is probably a danger to yourself. Get out of the house now!

~"Woohoo they let me off probation 2day"  Thankfully, I read the comments under this status, or I would have been worried I had a serial killer on my friend's list. That sure as hell would not have helped my insomnia. I would have been afraid I was next on your list.

~"wtf is going on?"  Don't feel bad, this is what I'm usually asking about my life, too. I really don't know what you were referring to, but life in general works for me!

~"I didn't get to the bathroom in time and I pooped my pants!"  Uhmmm....ok. Too much information. Yes, I see that you blame it on a friend getting a hold of your phone. And you know what? I think I'll just leave it at that, cuz this has the possibility to get nasty really, really fast....

~"Idk whos been shrinking my jeans but its starting 2 piss me off"  Yeah, the magic jean shrinking fairy has been visiting my house lately, too. I say we kill the bitch. Anyone else in?

~"Just a bit of advice- "Wat up ho" is NOT a good way to start a text conversation with me"  Totally have to agree with this one. In fact, I would probably be in jail right now, as I would have hunted the offender down and taught them how to speak to a woman with respect. 


(Yes, I know some of you who posted these things read my blog...but if you didn't want them posted on the internet at the crazy lady's blog, you should have put them up for the world to see in the first damn place!! LOL)


Ok, seriously, the punching babies thing is still bothering me. There is no way in hell I could ever get that mad. Mad enough to (want to) punch Ex in the face? Most definitely. Mad enough to punch tech support people who live in India and get mad at me when I can't understand them? Again, definitely worth punching.

MAX Factor - where are you??

I can remember years ago hearing about women who would go to the ends of the earth in order to find a certain lipstick that had been discontinued by the manufacturer. I'll be honest, I made fun of these women, thinking that there was no way in hell that there was only ONE shade/brand of lipstick that would work.

Then MAX Factor pulled out the U.S. market. Ok, to be fair, Covergirl bought them out, and in order to "concentrate better on the Covergirl line" made the decision to pull all MAX Factor products from the shelves.

I have now become one of those women I made fun of.

Since MF was still supposed to be available in European countries, I wasn't too concerned. I figured I could hop on the the internet, and find what I was looking for.

I was wrong.

Turns out that Covergirl not only decided that we in the States no longer needed MF products, they also decided to do away with over half the product line.

So, I decided to search by the name and number of the lipstick I wanted.

I found 2 on e-bay. Yeah, I know, e-bay is not where I normally buy make-up either, but I was desperate. I bid on the 2 I found.

Since I wasn't sure if I would actually win them, I kept searching.

Found two more at an online store. It was if I'd hit the lottery. Husband probably thought I was nuts, as I think I yelled when I found them. I ordered them, before someone else could get their hands on them.

I got notification today that I also won the two on e-bay. Total score!

I now have four tubes of MF Lipfinity 3D #630 Chartreuse coming in!! YAY!!

Now, I get to decide whether I'm going to hoard them, and only use them on special occasions, or if I'm going to wear them daily. I already know that I will wear them daily, but figure I can call the fact that I will actually be able to wear make-up daily a special occasion.

I don't even want to think about the apocalyptic meltdown that will happen at my house when these four are gone.

I can only hope that Covergirl will pull their head out of their asses and realize that many, many American women grew up using MF products, and will not replace them with CG products.

Today, y'all can be the writer

To be blunt, y'all can pretend I wrote something totally fucking fantastic today.

I feel like crap. Virus that I thought I'd beat came back with a vengeance. I can't breathe, my throat hurts, and I have a headache.

None of these above referenced symptoms are conducive to blogging. Especially when I'm trying to keep myself medicated. Which is leading to brain fog. Therefore, no smart-ass remarks, or humor is to be found here at the moment. Well, ok, maybe there is, but it most likely wouldn't make a damn bit of sense to anyone but myself.

Check back tomorrow, I'll try and be back in the swing of things. That is, if I'm still alive....

Where's the motivation?

I know I'm going to sound like an "old" person when I write this. And you know what? I really don't care! If you've had any dealings with teenagers in your home or your life, you'll understand where I'm coming from! So, here it goes:

What the hell is wrong with kids today? Oldest still doesn't have a driver's license, or a job. Neither do 99.9% of his friends. They are all 17 & 18, so it's not like they aren't of age to acquire these things.

They go to school, get out of school, go riding around with the ONE person who has a license and a vehicle.

They make a quick stop by each teen's house to do chores, check in with parents, etc.

Their next action? They go to one of the houses and play video games. And, at least in our home, raid the fridge and cabinets, and eat enough for four times as many people. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind the kids being here. And trust me when I say that if given the choice to work or stay home and play, I would probably choose the latter of the two.

The part I really don't get is WHY THE HELL DON'T THESE KIDS WANT TO DRIVE?

I can remember back in the day, we all could not wait for that driver's license! In Kansas where I grew up, we could get a restricted license at 14. You can bet your ass I was studying that nook starting at about 12 1/2. The DAY I turned 14, I was down taking the test to get my restrcited license.

While it didn't mean TOTAL freedom, it meant I could drive to and from school, and drive for work. If I remember right, as long as we were running errands for our parents (to the store, etc) we could also drive then, too. Now being normal kids, we stretched the rules, and rode around a few minutes before school, or after.

The day we turned 16, we were CRUISING! Up and down main street, to our friend's house, to the next town - in fact, any damn where  we could go & not get our ass beat when we got home.

I have to ask myself - have all of us failed as parents that our children aren't motivated to drive? Motivated to get a job so they have money in their pockets? If so, how the hell do we fix it?

Both  Husband and I worked and drove as soon as we could. We enjoyed the freedom, enjoyed that step toward adulthood. Is that the problem? Do kids today look at all of us and instead of saying, "hey, I want to be able to run my own life", they are now thinking, "i want to be like Peter Pan and never grow up and have responsibilities!"??

While my dog will survive, I may not!!

Ok, y'all. This sucks.

The ONE night I'm actually tired, and wouldn't you know it, my dog has decided to go neurotic on me. Ok, she's in labor. So being neurotic is TOTALLY allowed.

Couldn't she have picked daylight hours fpr thism though? I mean seriously, you'd think she would have the courtesy to do that. (This coming from the woman who went into labor in the middle of the night with all three of my offspring.)

I know, y'all are thinking: Just go to bed, already! She's a dog, she knows what to do.

You're probably right. But she's looking at me with those big brown eyes, and tries to follow me of I leave, so I'm kind of obligated to stay with her. That's what you do for members of your family, right?

She is seriously about ready to drive me batshit crazy thoug, y'all. She's pacing, panting, whining, laying down, digging, pacing, in & out of the doghouse, pacing, laying down, passing the mucous plug (sorry if that disgusts ya, but hey, it's what happens!), pacing, layong down, having contactions, pacing, panting, following me, repeat all the above.

Oh, and she has now decided at the last minute her padded, warm, blanket lined doghouse may not be the place she wants to be. She now thinks digging a trench along side the house would be so much better.

While she will survive labor and delivery just fine, I may end up in a mental hospital just from having to deal with all of it!

Oh, and did I mention she's either pregnant by my chihuahua? She's a chow-chow,  by the way. We tried to keep them separated, but there was that ONE time...shit.

Or daddy could be the heeler mix that jumped the fence, had his way with her, then tried to eat my chihuahua. Just what I need, offspring from a serial killer dog.

I'm rooting for the chihuahua.

I'm also rooting for spaying as soonas possible.

A Valium would be good about now, too. No, not for my dog silly - for me!

How not to write a blog.

Spend two days writing blog post in head. Jot down notes in notebook kept specifically for this.

Finally find time to sit down & actually type out post.

Log In. Decide to check stats. Wow! 399 page views in two days!!. HAS to be a bunch of comments.

Check comments. There is ONE. 399 page views and I get ONE COMMENT? Decide comments don't really matter that much, at least someone is actually reading what I write.

Realize that though people may be reading & not commenting, neither are they clicking on ads. Again decide, doesn't matter, I had 399 views in two days.

Back to Dashboard. Tell myself to click on "new post".

Realize I have 4 blog updates I haven't read. Go read them. Click to NEW blogs I hadn't previously discoverd.

Follow 7 of 19 new blogs. Realize I've now spent 2 hours reading everyone else's posts.

Reality sets in - I set aside 45 minutes to write in my blog. Spent 2 hours inside everyone else's blogs. Went over allotted time by 1 hour and 15 minutes.

No longer have time to type out what I've spent two days preparing for.

Pencil in 30 minutes tomorrow to wrote blog. Know damn good and well I NEED to do this. Also know that there is a 95% chance I will repeat today's scenario.

Know that only time I ever actually really post is at 3 a.m. When Mr. Sandman has once again skipped me.

Hope I can actually sleep tonight. Realize blog won't get written if I sleep.

Realize I can't win either way, and decide to post how I can't even manage to sit & write a real post.....

Husband thinks I left this out in last post....

**Adult content warning!!**

Ok, Husband read the Happiness post, and he is extremely upset that I did not take HIS suggestion for happiness.

What was his idea for my Happiness post, you may ask? Blowjobs....

Now, explain to me, a WOMAM, how I am supposed to include BJs into MY idea of happiness

I do NOT have the parts to even receive one of these, let alone know whether I can relate it to happiness.

Apparently, however, men relate BJs to happiness.

Now we all know.

Bet you're happy to have this knowledge, aren't you?

Happiness

Happiness....what exactly does this word mean? I could ask 100 people, and get 100 different answers.

Instead of doing a "happiness in general" post, I'm going to concentrate on what happiness means to me. (Even to me, it means different things on different days!)

I don't place my happiness on things other people might. Instead, I find it in the simple things in life. The IMPORTANT things in life. I don't need a new car, a huge bank account, or popularity.

I simply look at everyday things, and find my true happiness in them!

So, in a totally different approach, here's a list of things that bring ME joy and happiness:

(totally random order, so please, don't read anything into what spot you may be in!)

~ an unexpected hug from one of my children

 ~ sitting on the couch, relaxing & holding hands with Husband

~ a penny I find that's heads up on the ground

~ a butterfly flying by long after they are supposed to be gone for the fall/winter

~ accomplishing a goal I've set for myself

~ random acts of kindness (big or small) done for complete strangers

~ finding a pair of jeans that fit perfectly

~ the love of a family

~ an "inside joke" only my true friends would ever understand

~ freshly washed sheets

~ being able to act like a child & be carefree if only for an hour or two

~ the way Husband still looks at me like he did the day we first met

~ celebrating everyday events (I did the laundry? That's means for a celebration!)

~ finding out I have followers on my blog
      ~bonus happiness: when my followers actually read my blog and leave comments!

~ looking at a piece of art I've created and thinking I accomplished what I was after


There's many, many more things that bring me happiness, but there is not enough room on this page to even begin to list them all!

I know a lot of the other bloggers are probably going to find deep meanings to happiness, and there is nothing wrong with that. We are each different and unique, and that's what makes the blog world a fantastic place!

I can't make decisions!!

I'm the world's worst at decision making. Don't believe me? Here's how a typical morning goes for me:

Crawl out of bed, tell myself, "Jump in the shower, it will only take a few minutes". Instead, I sit down for just a *few* minutes to catch up with e-mails, watch a little TV, check my facebook, check my blog, maybe grab something to eat.

Before I know it, it's an hour later, and I still haven't taken a shower. Finally force myself to take 10 minutes out of my day, and get in the shower.

Get out of the shower, brush my hair, go to the closet.

Here's where the fun really starts.

Grab underwear & a bra - that's the easy part.

Grab a pair of jeans, decide those will be the ones I wear. Look at them again, and decide no, they are too long/tight/faded/short/insert excuse here. Find another pair of jeans, go through same process. Repeat 2 or 3 times. Finally end up putting on first pair.

Start looking through my shirts. Pick one. Put it back - I would have to wear make-up with that one. Pick another - Nope, need to actually do my hair to wear this one. Decide I'll wear a baseball cap for the day. Grab another shirt - nope, definitely won't go with baseball cap, needs hair & make-up done to wear it. Baseball cap idea nixed. Grab another shirt. Nope, remember I don't like the way it makes my arms look. Close eyes, grab shirt at random - it would probably look better if I did hair & make-up while wearing this one. Start to reach for old, over-sized comfy T. Remember Husband is not a fan of that look. Remember that honestly, neither am I. End up grabbing a smaller T-shirt, decision finally made.

Promise  myself I WILL put on make-up. Grab make-up bag, stick in purse.

Promise myself I will NOT pull hair back into ponytail. Grab hair tie *just in case*.

Slip flip-flops  on. Who has time to actually bend down and tie shoes?

Grab keys, and purse. Head to work.

Get there, get distracted, forget rule on not putting hair up in ponytail/sloppy bun.

Get busy, realize at end of day - I never put make-up on.

Get home, feel like a failure. Didn't leave hair down, didn't put make-up on, still don't like jeans, and somehow in the day I ended up with ink or food on shirt.

Say, "Screw this". Throw on baggy pj pants & over sized T.

Watch TV, can't sleep.

Know that I will go throug all the above again in the morning.

Open letter to the children in my neighborhood

Dear overly loud, screaming adorable children,

While I realize that normally our house/front yard/driveway is your meeting grounds every afternoon after school, and every evening afte supper, today is not a good day for it.

You see, I am sick, and I'm not in the best of moods. Most of you have a mommy, daddy, grandma or grandpa to take care of you when you're sick. In my house, I am the Mommy, and since Husband has to work, I get to take care of myself when I'm sick. Yeah, it's not much fun. Yiu have to clean up your own vomit, force yourself to try and eat, and have to get your own blankets & pillows.

Normally, I do not mind you using the basketball goal, or our insane amount of driveway to play on, skateboard on, etc. In fact, normally, as you all know, the only thing I ask is you 1) do not break windows and 2) do not hit my car. I realize on occasion rules 1) & 2) get forgotten. Not once have I mentioned it, or came out screaming like the neighborhood crazy lady.

However, today this may change. Everytime I finally get comfortable, your blood curdling screams come drifting through the window. This is not a good thing for someone to hear when they already feel as if something evil has invaded their insides. In fact, it makes them think that now evil is on it's way to invade my outside, too.

So, please, just for today - go find someone else's yard to invade. Please. I'm asking nicely. If you fail to listen to my nice voice, you may yet get to see the crazy lady side of me show up.

Ok, not really, but please. I'm begging you - take a break for ONE day. You are more than welcome to come back tomorrow! I promise the basketball goal will still be there. As will the insane amount of driveway that is fun to ride your bikes on & pretend parts of it are your own private skateboard park. I pledge to you that I will not call the Magic Genie in to make them disappear overnigt!

Got it? Ok. Thanks. Bye now!

Sincerely,
The Misfit Tattooed Mommy
The Corner
Your Block, TX, USA

Thanks, Husband!

I'd been working on a post about how I hate trying to decide what to wear every damn day, when it happened. The gift I'd been expecting from Husband since Monday, showed up. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Oh, how sweet, Husband got you a present". You would be wrong!! (and yes, Husband, I know you read this, and I know you're thinking, "but I do get you REAL presents all the time! Besides, I TOLD you not to kiss me!" And you're right, you do, and I love them!! However, this one you could have kept all to yourself! As for kissing you, do you REALLY want to go there?)

You see, the present of the day is this virus straight from the evil darkside. It starts out all small, and you're all "that's it? I got this whooped!" Yeah, you go ahead, keep thinking that. Then WHAM!!! It's going to feel like you've been run over by a fucking bus. And not one of those cute little buses either. Oh hell no, this is like the 747 of buses.

I can't breathe, then I can't stop my nose from running. Then I start sneezing & coughing. And hell, that was the EASY part. I've now moved on to no fucking energy what so ever, and have at least 61 goldfish swimming & jumping in my stomach. We won't even go into what the hell is coming out of my body. (If you're picturing the Exorcist, you got it half right).

Now, if I was a good Mommy, I'd be telling my children to run, find a friend to stay with. However, Oldest thinks it is just freaking hilarious that his dad gave me this crap. Now there's this little part of me is thinking, "oh, you think this is FUNNY?? I hope YOU get it so you can see how funny it is NOT."

Ok, not really. I wouldn't wish this upon him at all. I would say I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy (who the hel is that, anyway??). I think though, that I would wish this on Ex. (Yes, Husband, I know we agreed when I started this thing I wouldn't put anything out here that could bite me in the ass. However, I am NOT wishing him dead, or wishing for any serious harm. I am simply wishing that he can experience this lovely virus second by wonderful second! See, now thats not so bad, is it? Oh, it is? Oops....just oretend I never said any of that part then.)

Ok,  im going to go suffer through this crap from the comfort of my bed. Fuck, ok, bed = BIG spiders. Im going to go suffer from the comfort of the couch. Yes, i know im already on the couch, so technically I'm not GOING....Shit, even when im sick, the brain worms think they need to have a say!

Huge spiders do not cure insomnia

Things like that, up there, do not help with insomnia!

Things like that up there tend to freak you the hell out, when at 1 a.m. you finally decide you might be able to sleep.

Especially when said thing is SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR BED.

Needless to say, I did not go to bed. Instead, I grabbed the nearest flip flop and beat the crap out of it, and disposed of the corpse down the toilet.

Then I let the brain worms take over.

In my head, it's brothers, sisters and friends now had me on their hit list. It's hard to think about sleep, when all you can imagine is waking up to find a million spiders all over you, wrapping you in their webs. Preparing you for their dinner.

I didn't go to bed. Instead, I stayed up til 4 a.m. watching True Blood on the DVR.

Would much rather watch hot men with fangs, than lay in bed worried about horrid, furry, evil things with fangs.

Where do their brains go??

Last week I wrote about the fact that Oldest tends to misplace his brain frequently, and gave a perfect example of it.

Today, I discovered that ours is not the only one.

I had realized last night that I had never contacted the seller on ebay about the clothing racks I had won. I sent her a quick note from my Pre, and apologized for not getting with her sooner.

I anxiously awaited her response, as sometimes, sellers are not always the nicest people. Especially if you wait more than 12 hours to contact them about an item.

Anyway, this is what I got in reply to my apology:

"No that is fine I am getting them all cleaned and packed for you. ]

I have to tell you that my 17 year old son left the racks in the rain since he took the pictures for me last Sunday. Rain and Chrome are not the best of friends

I have a few so I will certanly send you the best out of the five and when you received them let me know what you think..... "

See, it's a 17 yr old boy thing.

I wonder if her 17 yr old leaves his brain with the girlfriend, too.

For her sake, I hope not.

Or if he does, then I hope ( again, for her sake) that her 17 yr old's girlfriend is not as psycho, manipulative, controlling, whiny, & spoiled as nice and sweet as our Oldest's is.

#*!&#&!!!! (censored for general viewing)

So, my family and I have opted out of having a computer at the house. (yes, I just heard the collective gasp of horror from all of you) Due to this, if we're not at work, I end up doing what I'm doing at this very moment - logging onto blogspot from my Palm Pre.

I got the brilliant idea that I would check for apps to be able to blog easier while I was at home. This would mean no more only being able to see half the screen as I type, no more limits to length, etc.

Anywho, I found an app - Blogbooster to be exact. It seemed I'd found exactly what I'd been lookinf for! An answer to being able to blog when insomnia strikes.

It promised easy publishing to 4 different blogging platforms, blogspot being one of them. It promised Autocontent - where the app would find pictures, links, and tags relevant to what I wrote. It was love at first sight!

I immediately bought and downloaded it.

It was amazing! Logged me into my blog, downloaded current content & posts from my blog. I wrote out a really good post. Tried the autocontent, and while some of the pics weren't exactly spot on (for example the man standing in front of an open casket - wtf??), for the most part it was amazing!

Then I made the mistake of hitting "Publish". It didn't work.

I waited an hour, tried again. Fail.

Waited 24 hours, tried again. Failed again.

I wrote the word "test". The damn thing uploaded.

Copied & pasted original failed post. AND IT FAILED AGAIN.

Tried contacting the developers. No answer back. Went to their facebook & twitter pages where they promised "instant support". The last posts were from 2 months ago...

I left messages anyway. Never heard back.

Opinion? Blogbooster sucks ass!!

And this is why, once again, I am logged directly onto blogspot and trying to make sure spelling & punctuation are ok, even though I can't see half the screen.

Too many thoughts, not enough willpower to organize them

It's days like this that I ask myself why I ever thought I could do the whole blog thing. It's my second attempt at one, and while I'll admit that this one has already gone further than the last one, I really don't know if I have what it takes to do this!

My problem isn't the fact that I don't have anything to write about. In fact, it's just the opposite. I have too many ideas in my head, and when I sit down to actually get them out, they get all jumbled together.

I could tell you about how the tattooed, weird person started selling Scentsy, or as my (alleged) best friend put it...."so, you're like the Avon lady now?" (insert snorting and laughter).

Or how about how I feel totally vindicated to finally see pictures of Kat Von D (who, mind you, I'm tired of being compared to!) looking less than skinny, and less than perfect?

I could always talk about the last idiot that got his wife's name on him, only to have a very unexpected ending when the tattoo was being cleaned up & bandaged.

Then there's the fact that my life is like my blog: I get started on one IMPORTANT thing, only to be distracted by something else, which is interrupted by yet something else, and so on, and so on.

And, just now, thanks to Youngest, I have an idea that is in my head. It's fresh. It's funny. And I'm posting this rambling mess so I can go get started on something a bit more meaningful!

Don't worry, I will revisit these subjects in future blogs. In fact, I may have just helped myself out by just sitting here and typing some of this out!