Friday, February 25, 2011

*waves* Hi y'all!

Yes, I'm still alive!!

Just CRAZY busy!!

I promise to blog more often - now will y'all quit with the death threats??

Please? :)

I have a ton of things to get out and written, I just need the time to do it! (oh, and a laptop back. No worries, new one is on it's way to me as I type this out on my miniscule phone keypad.)

Hope y'all are having a great week/month, and that you didn't have to suffer through the -30 weather we did!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Friday Fairytale

Ok y'all, to be blunt, Friday SUCKED ASS!! So, instead of reliving it all over again, I decided I would post what my day COULD have been! (Hey, it's my blog, and I can rewrite my day any damn way I please!)

Woke up @ 10, to find that Husband had brought in a maid service and personal chef. The house was SPOTLESS, and we were served a gourmet brunch, complete with mimosas.

We then checked the lottery ticket we found on our front door, and discovered we'd won the lottery.

Due to the shock of this, we decided to take the day off from the studio, and just spend an indulgent day together. We went to a local spa, and got the works done.

We discussed flying to Paris for the weekend, but decided the kids wouldn't enjoy that near as much as a weeklong trip to Disneyland.

So, we set up a camera, and filmed our own little surprise the kids with the trip commercial.

We had 2 hours to catch our plane, but first emailed our video straight to Disney management.

Imagine our surprise, when just before take-off, we got a phone call telling us we had such a great video, it was immediately going to airplay to convince more tattooed families that Disney loves us all!

We've just arrived at the luxurious suite that Disney provided as an added bonus. The kids are being little darlings, and went straight to their room with no problems.

Husband and I decided that once we get home, we're hiring a nanny for a week, and flying to Paris after all. We found the cutest little french country home we want to buy while looking online, and decided why not!

We are thinking of just buying a few homes around the globe, and travelling the world for the next few years. The kids are loving the idea, and have agreed with the plan.

Now, dear readers, I need to get to sleep, as we're being given an EXCLUSIVE tour of the behind the scenes action at the park tomorrow!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday Confessions - Baby, itls cold outside!

I confess:

That we're expecting.

Expecting more fucking snow, that is.

I have come to HATE the cold weather.

There is no way in hell that Texas should be COLDER than the North Freaking Pole!

There is no way by any grace of anything, that this should be acceptable!

When I can throw boiling water in the air, in TEXAS, and have it turn to oure steam, there is a PROBLEM!

And it was supposed to be 50 tomorrow.

The weatherman now says it will be 38.

We might se 50 on Saturday.

And then - guess what - MORE FUCKING SNOW Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.

I'm going into hibernation.


Either that, or Husband needs to invest in a time share on the equator.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Worst Advice

(I'm about a week late getting this published, but better late than never!)

The worst advice I ever received was, "It will only hurt for a second."

Ok, wait, I guess that really wouldn't be advice, now would it? :)

Seriously now, the Worst Advice I ever received was probably: "things will change for the better once you're married." While this is true in this, my third marriage, it was NOT true in my first marriage.

To my first husband, being married meant that I had signed ownership papers for him.

Instead of things getting better, and trust me, they really needed to get better, they got worse.

Instead of just getting shoved and pushed around like I had before the marriage, after, it went to out and out abuse.

Choking me? Wasn't a problem for him. In fact, I think in his head he considered it an accomplishment if he could turn me purple without actually making me pass out.

Hitting me? He was one of the best at doing it where it wouldn't leave a visible mark. If he slipped, and by accident left a mark, I was coached on how to play it off to everyone else.

Sexual abuse? Check. If I didn't want to do any of the weird shit he expected, it was because I was cheating on him.

Threats to my life? Got it covered. One of the last things he said to me was to always watch my back, as if he couldn't have me, he would ensure that neither would anyone else.

Threats on my children? Yep, he did that, too. In the end, he took off with them.

Emotional abuse? I don't have enough room to type it all out. Just suffice it to say that I still am recovering from a lot of it.

Controlling? I was told what to wear, how to wear and color my hair, how long a trip the grocery store should take. If I defied any of these, and more, I paid the price.

I know that a lot of my readers don't know a lot of the details of my first marriage. And trust me, even though I did this in kind of smart ass way, it's a part of me that will never fully go away. An abusive relationship is in no way a joke. Yes, 16 years later, I can make jokes about it. That's my way of dealing, and healing, and putting it all behind me.

I'm older now, and I wish I could go back to that 16 year old girl, and get her to listen to me. However, I know that's not possible, and I know she wouldn't have listened. You see, that girl had herself convinced of the same thing others would tell her - commit to it fully, and it will get better.

It didn't. In fact, from what I hear, it wasn't any better for his next wife, or the mistresses, or the girlfriends after that.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you know what is going on is wrong. No matter how many ways you try and justify it, it's not your fault, and it usually won't get better. There are always exceptions, but they are few and far between. You can not change them. They have to want to change themselves, and recondition their way of thinking. There is nothing you can do, until the abuser makes the decision, and takes the steps to make it better.

Know that there are options out there to get help. Know that you will survive once you leave. I won't sugar coat it, and tell you it will be easy. But to me, even with the stalking, and the break ins, my quality of life drastically improved. I felt I could breath, without fear of the next punch. If I didn't want to do the dishes, no one was there to degrade me nine different ways. Sex once again became something I could enjoy.

When I first thought about this topic, this was not where I intended it to go. I was going to write something light hearted, and not quite so personal. However, when I sat down and started typing, this is what came out. Maybe it was time. Hopefully, 16 years later, the healing is coming to a close for me.

For those of you that know someone in an abusive relationship, here is my advice: Don't tell them it's wrong. They already know that. Don't tell them they are stupid. They already feel that. Don't tell them it will get better, and then pretend like you don't know. It most likely won't. Don't tell them that if they, the victim, change, the abuse will stop. It won't. What can you do? Be there to listen, and encourage them - not to judge and condemn. Be the leaning post they need. When, or if, they finally take the step to leave, you will be needed more than you know.

Abusers can be a man or a woman. The victim can be a man or a woman. Abuse is something that doesn't know gender boundaries. An abused man should hold no more shame than an abused woman. Society needs to realize this. An abuser is an abuser, no matter their sex, or who their victims are.

An abused spouse loves the abuser. The abuser doesn't abuse all the time. There are good days. That is why so many of us stay, because we convince ourselves the good will eventually outweigh the bad. We stay because we convince ourselves it's best for the kids. We stay because we don't want to admit to the world that we are being abused, and are taking it. We stay because we don't know any different. We stay.

And then, one day, we leave. We lose a lot. We no longer have a home. We no longer have a "family". We no longer are told what to do and when to do it. We no longer have to cower. We learn to stand up for ourselves. We learn to live again.