Friday, March 15, 2013


I told myself that I would chronicle the daily life of living with a man with depression. It didn't happen. I would sit down to write, and as I started each one, I was so overwhelmed with all that goes on each day, I couldn't even out it in to words.
As of this writing, things have not gotten any better. No matter what I do to ensure that nothing pisses him off, it doesn't work. He just finds something else to get mad over. Most days, I'm not even lucky enough to be enlightened as to what it is.
I love him, and I miss my friend, my confidant, my lover, my husband. But, I am being told the reason that all is shit in his life, is me. I don't know if it's true. I know he thinks it is. That's enough. I can't be the reason he's mad all the time, real or imagined.
I have walked away today. A small part of me says it's the right thing to do. The rest of me is screaming to go back, and help.him find the light again. I don't know what to do.
Allegedly, he's been in contact with an attorney these past couple of months, to ensure that if I do leave, I leave with nothing. Again, I don't know if it's real or imagined.
I don't know much at this point, beyond two people each other shouldn't be in the situation we're in. That makes me question how long it's been since he has loved me.
I'm hurt, I'm probably not making Mich sense. Someday, I will get around to details, just not today....