Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Letter to my 15 year old self

Dear obnoxious know-it-all brat Self,

All those girls you want to be like? They don't change much over the years. In fact, most of them that think they're better than everyone? Yeah, they went to college, realized they couldn't handle living life for real, and moved back to Dot On The Map, Kansas. Quit thinking you need to be like them. It's so not worth it. I promise.

It won't matter in 5 years what you wore to school on Monday. Or Thursday. Or Friday, for that matter.

Put down the damn Aquanet already. Yes, I see that it gives you that totally awesome dog eared, 6 inch tall hair. You'll look back at those pictures and ask yourself, "What the FUCK was I thinking??" Don't worry though, you aren't far away from the grunge look. And you that means you can get away with getting up 10 minutes before you're supposed to be at school. This is NOT a good look (and for all my readers - this is NOT me, it's a pic I found here: http://www.liketotally80s.com though this is close to what we used to do! LOL) :

Concentrate on your art classes. Yes, I know you already like them. Ok, ok...you love them. But dammit, quit worrying about that senior guy that winks at you every day, and LISTEN to what Mr. Phillipy is telling you. You ARE going to need this later in life. I promise!

Those Pepe jeans you saved and saved to buy? In 10 years, no one will even know what they are. But, you will still only be able to find one brand of jeans that fit you "just right". Calvin Klein will be your jean of choice for awhile. Then, out of no where, they'll stop making that brand too. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is - really, they aren't that important. Quit wasting your damn money. Start saving it. You will need it in the not too distant future.

Start being nicer to your mom. She's one of the few that will always be in your corner.

Stop being jealous that your dad seems to spend more time with your sister. You're the idiot that never let him know you were interested in the motorcycles, and his life.

And, while we're on mom and dad - quit. Seriously. I know that you think you need to "fit in" with all the "cool" girls. That doesn't mean you need to be embarrassed of our parents. Look at all they sacrifice for you. While you may not realize it now, you are luckier than a lot of your classmates. Your parents love you unconditionally. You'll realize this in later years. Especially when you can't spend as much time with them as you'd like to. Besides, I know as well as you do, that you secretly love going to places like Deerfield beach to all the "biker" parties. That you wouldn't change a damn thing for yourself. So, again, quit.

That guy you just started dating? Uhmmm....yeah...so not worth it, either. He thinks that just because you have big boobs, you're going to be easy. Just dump his ass now, don't wait 4 months to finally decide he's an ass.

And that one guy? The one that you just know that you can "change" and "help"? Let me fill you in. He's going to slowly take your life away from you. All those guys that have been your friends since you were like, two? You're going to have to tell them goodbye, or risk being accused of sleeping with every single one of them. Repeatedly. When that guy shoves you? Yeah, don't believe him when he says it's because he loves you so much, and you "hurt" him. Nope. It's cuz he's an abusive, insecure jerk. In a few years, he will have progressed to out and out hitting you. He'll even take your birth control pills and crush them every time he comes across them. In some twisted way, you will believe him when he tells you that you don't need them if you aren't cheating on him. It won't matter though, when you show up knocked up half way through your senior year, he'll go through a list of all the guy friends you said goodbye to, and claim that you were sleeping with all of them. Your daughter from this? She'll be worth it. Way worth it. But seriously, as soon as possible, leave his ass. He doesn't change. In fact, he gets worse. Way worse.

Now, quit worrying about the zits, the bad hair days, etc. They won't matter later on.

And all those "rich" girls? Not so "rich" after all. And some of them will end up being jealous of you in about 10 years or so. Really jealous. So jealous, they're going to pretend that y'all were the bestest of friends back in the day. You'll enjoy being able to tell them to kiss off.

I'm sure there's lots I forgot to tell you, so don't be surprised if another letter shows up out of nowhere, again. Maybe you'll actually pay attention to the next one...



  1. Wowsa. I was never able to achieve that kind of heighth with my hair. I saved up all of my babysitting money to get a spiral perm and it came out in a month. Bull to the shit.

    I was a hardcore nerd in highschool. In fact, so much so, that I spent my break/lunch in the library hiding from the bitches who used to pick on me. They even egged my locker because I tried to defend another lowly nerd from their abuse.

    Funny thing, or maybe just sad, is that NO ONE remembers me from high school. Other than the small amount of people I talked to, no one has the foggiest idea of who I am. I bet those girls wouldn't even remember.

    And maybe that's a good thing. I see them all now on Facebook still acting like it was still high school. Eh. Nertz to them.

    Great post!

  2. I love that picture so very, very much. I was in 5th and 6th grade and I ENVIED the girls that could do that with their hair. I bet you tight rolled (pegged) the SHIT out of your jeans. me too!

  3. I too am jealous of your hair. Mine never achieved such glorious heights!

  4. That is not a picture of me - but is the closest I could find to my hair color, and what I used to do to it! And yes, I totally used to roll my jeans. I was 80s all the way. *cringing*

    Zany - I was a bookworm that came from a middle class family, that thought she wanted to be like all the little rich b*tches. I learned around 17 how stupid I was. I didn't want to be like them at all. (Oh, and totally got a coke thrown on me at lunch one day around the age of 15, cuz one of the b*tches bfs dumped her ass, and she thought I was seeing him - I wasn't, we were friends.)

  5. I know this was based on your personal expierences, but what FANTASTIC advice for young folks. We have 5 kids, four of them girls (all adults now) and they all had different personalities, and various issues (as most teens do). I would have loved for them to all have read this when they were still in school. I don't know if they would have taken it to heart, because after all, they wouldn't listen to anyone, certainly not me!

    I'm sorry you had to go through that crap in school. This is the best and most emotion filled post I've read in a while. Loved it...

  6. Thank you, Pat. Coming from you, that means a LOT!! The emotion is why I love reading your blog.

  7. WOW. I thought I had high hair back in the day :)

    Loved your letter