Sunday, May 22, 2011


Well, I survived the end of the world. I guess that makes me one of those left behind.

I truly believe the rapture happened. It's just that there weren't as many virtuous people as everyone claimed.

God came down, took a look around, and asked, "What the fuck happened to all these people?"

Jesus replied, "I don't think we want their kind in Heaven. Can we just take our daily quota and call it good?"

God: "I think you're right, son. Can you imagine the traffic jams we'd have in Heaven? Not to mention the fact that our sewer system can in no way handle this many people. "

Jesus: "Thanks for seeing things my way. How do we choose which ones to take with us today? You know that Camping guy is a definite leave behind. He'd probably claim that we weren't running heaven the way the bible says to."

God: "Let's just go with the usual. Eenie Meenie, Minie, Moe.........and you are one of the chosen ones. Ok, I picked the first one. Your turn!"

Jesus: "I don't want to pick. Don't you remember my mistake yesterday with that lawyer?"

God: "How were you to know? He went to church, seemed to give to the community. It's not like we can watch everyone every single second. Back in the good old days, we didn't have to worry about it. If they took the time to go to church, it was because they actually meant it. Not like now days where some go just to put on a show."

Jesus: "You're right. Awww...hell. Let's just close our eyes and throw some darts. Whoever it lands on, we take. As for the rest of them? Let them think that guy was wrong. I don't have the energy to create any huge disasters today."

God: "And I don't want to destroy that beautiful place I created. They'll kill themselves off soon enough. Ready to go play that game of checkers now? Loser gets to be the one to let Lucifer know he gets to deal with the rest of them." I'm a little off when it comes to this, but seriously - what if the rapture REALLY DID ALREADY HAPPEN? And really, would you want all of us relocated to the same place at the same time? That would be a logistical nightmare, even for a higher being!

1 comment:

  1. Ha!!! The paragraph about Camping is my favorite!