How Things Change

Things have changed a lot in my universe, since my last post many moons ago.

Youngest boy lives with us full time. No meds, and he's back in a brick and mortar school. He's even going on the STEM trip to San Francisco this summer. My little one, is no longer little. He's taller than me.  Which is bittersweet, but it happens to all kids.

We've opened up a 2nd tattoo studio,  75 miles away from the original one, and it's keeping us busy. Busier than we expected. But, we've hired two more artists, so hopefully we will be able to start taking more time off. Total bonus.

I've all but stopped selling Scentsy, it was a decision I thought long and hard about. I still keep my account up to date,  so that I can keep myself in supply of my scent addiction.

In December, I signed up for a then little known company, called Younique. I had no intention of selling it, I just wanted the kit. Needless to say, that didn't work as planned. (Like anything ever does, right?) I played with my kit, posted a few pictures  of me wearing the 3D Fiber Lash mascara,  and that was all she wrote. I was addicted, and so were a lot of people. In my downtime from the studios, my energy is directed towards working with my team of over 50 people, helping them realize their dreams.

I won't promise that I will be here much. I sinply dont have a spare minute most days. But you're welcome to check out my new blog at www.youniquebeautybybabette.com It concentrates on the makeup, but with a personal twist.

Update

I told myself that I would chronicle the daily life of living with a man with depression. It didn't happen. I would sit down to write, and as I started each one, I was so overwhelmed with all that goes on each day, I couldn't even out it in to words.
As of this writing, things have not gotten any better. No matter what I do to ensure that nothing pisses him off, it doesn't work. He just finds something else to get mad over. Most days, I'm not even lucky enough to be enlightened as to what it is.
I love him, and I miss my friend, my confidant, my lover, my husband. But, I am being told the reason that all is shit in his life, is me. I don't know if it's true. I know he thinks it is. That's enough. I can't be the reason he's mad all the time, real or imagined.
I have walked away today. A small part of me says it's the right thing to do. The rest of me is screaming to go back, and help.him find the light again. I don't know what to do.
Allegedly, he's been in contact with an attorney these past couple of months, to ensure that if I do leave, I leave with nothing. Again, I don't know if it's real or imagined.
I don't know much at this point, beyond two people who.love each other shouldn't be in the situation we're in. That makes me question how long it's been since he has loved me.
I'm hurt, I'm probably not making Mich sense. Someday, I will get around to details, just not today....

I'm a Lazy Bitch...

I've once again neglected blog land. Not that it matters, as no one reads this anyway. Like, seriously, I think I've had 4 page views in the last month, and 0 comments. (Woohoo!! I suck at blogging, too....)

I'm tequila drunk at the moment. You see, I'm suffering from a horrible cold, and took the advice of an elderly Hispanic gentleman. Needless to say, the cold isn't bothering me much at the moment.

Things on the marriage front, well, to be frank, haven't changed much.

I go through most days wondering if I'm as useless as I'm told I am. No lie.

I have little, to no, passion for art at the moment. Considering that is how I make my living, that is probably not a good thing...

The tequila bottle is on the counter, tempting me with thoughts such as, "If you just have one more drink, things will get better." I know it's a liar, but am giving in to temptation anyway. If nothing else, I'll be so drunk I won't give a shit.

The house I lust after is still in limbo. I'm trying the whole think positive, and what you want will come your way. So far, it's not working. I can see myself, and my husband and kids living there. I just can't figure out how to make it happen.

I try to be happy, and go lucky. It's not working.....

Sometimes I Just Need To Vent...

<p>So, I know I've mentioned the Husband ans I are going to counseling. We have yet to have a session together. I know how strange that sounds. However, the counselor does not feel that one of us is receptive at this time.<br>
One of us feels that they do no wrong, and that the other one is all at fault. That if the other one would only listen, and do what they are told, it would all be butterflies and rainbows.<br>
I totally get why we haven't had a session together yet, I really do. Deep inside, I know that when that session happens, the next few hours, days, or possibly even weeks, will be rough. Rougher than it even is now. <br>
Not that things aren't rough now. Believe me, they are. If I dare to express my opinion, or disagree with something as simple.as what time we should leave, I get the anger, the being ignored.<br>
The past few months, my new "punishment" is that he refuses to sit.at the dinner table with us. Everything can be going great, then I say that I don't agree with some thing or another. BAM!! It's yelling, then he's off to the bedroom, TV on. I tell.him dinner is ready, and I get told to shut the fuck up, to go away, and that he's not hungry. Somewhere in there will be a snide remark about how he has no say so, and is "only a paycheck". It doesn't matter that we both work and make similar incomes. Anyway, the kids and I will go ahead and eat. About 30 minutes later, he will venture.out of the bedroom, and do one of three things:
1) Sneer at whatever I've made,.shove the plate across the table, and make something of his own,  2) Actually eat what I've cooked, but mutter under.his breath the whole time,.or 3) Do either of the above and take off back to the bedroom to eat, slamming the door for added effect.
I'll admit that the.first few times, I was deeply hurt. Then, I started getting pissed. How dare he get on to the kids for.throwing tantrums and.pouting, when he's one of the.best in the house at it??

I'm not OK with that.....

There's a page on Facebook that thinks it is humorous to refer to a 6 year old girl, and "tapping that". I have a lot of things I would love to say, but right now, I am so outraged I don't know where to start. I did leave a few comments on his page, but I know that deep down it won't make a difference to him, or his admins.

The thing is, in a group of five or six men, if one makes a rape joke, chances are there is a rapist in the group. That is a sad, scary, statistical fact. When the rapist hears that, he doesn't hear it as a joke. He hears it as confirmation that ALL men are rapists, and that what he has done or is going to do, is ok.

Interviews with rapists show over and over, that those who have been caught for rape fully believe that all men do the same things. They just haven't been caught, yet. 

So, what does a page that makes fun of "tapping" a 6 year old do? For a man (or woman), who has either considered raping a child, or has raped a child - they just got confirmation that it's perfectly ok. 

You know what, I'm not ok with that.....

Bad Mom

I let my boys sleep in until 1 p.m. today. They're teenagers, so 1 p.m. is acceptable, isn't it??

I simply did not want to listen to them fight about who got to use the bathroom first.  (Does it make me a bad momma, knowing that at some point in the past, I've told one of them to just go outside??)

Or, who was responsible for the internet being slow, due to who's game was using the most bandwith. (It's a video game, for fuck's sake, does it really matter if you have to wait two seconds longer to talk to your friend in Australia, as you're running around following creepy looking little girls?)

By letting them sleep in, I didn't have to listen to them argue over who's turn it is to feed the dogs, carry out the trash, or do the dishes. (If you can't feed the dogs, then I guess I don't need to feed you!)

Yes, y'all. I'm a bad mom. I let them sleep in until 1 p.m., simply so I had an hour or so of peace and quiet. I was being selfish, in a way, I guess. However, I did wake them up when it was time for me to leave and go to work.

Now, they can fight and bicker all they want. The only ears there to hear it will be their own, and the dogs, that they will probably forget to feed......

Fun Mommy Blogger? Sorry, no!

I admit it, I read all the funny mom blogs, the stay at home mom blogs, the stay at home dad blogs, etc, etc. I often wonder if I could turn my life into something like that. Just leave out all the shit real stuff, and concentrate on those small moments in the day that someone might find funny. Then, reality hits.

I can't get on here and write about how wonderful my mornings are, and oh wasn't that SO CUTE when my twelve year old wouldn't get out of bed, after I'd relaxed in my spa shower, and had five cups of coffee. How I finally got him out by cooking a gourmet breakfast, with cute little fruit animals that I magically carved in fifteen seconds.

My normal day consists of trying to convince myself that yes, I really do need to get my ass out of bed. Pronto. I will push it to the absolute limit, leaving barely enough time to throw clothes on some days. Forget about breakfast (lunch?). Don't even think about make-up and hair. I simply don't allow myself enough time.  As for getting the kids up? Forget about it, I can't get them up with a crow bar most days. It finally comes down to standing at the door, pounding and yelling that they either get up, or I dump them out.

I'm not one of those moms that get to stay home all day, and bitch nicely joke about how hectic my day was. (Don't get me wrong - SAHMs do have their work cut out for them, but really, so does every parent, working or stay at home. And, to be blunt - most SAHMs don't have these perfect, sunny days they like to write about. Trust me, I know. I tried the SAHM gig for awhile.) I sure can't talk about how cute it was my friend Suzy brought her son, John Boy over for that perfect play date.  Oh, and isn't it just so adorable that the hellion sweet boy tried to attack the dog 5873 times, with a water gun?

The reality is, I do have a lot of that happen, but guess what? I'm at work! So, that means that in addition to working eight to twelve hours a day, I get phone calls about how the 19 year old is being mean, or the the 12 year old is being disgusting. Then, I get to go home to all the cumulative messes from the day, and spend four hours trying to get things back in order. Yep, that's a shitload of giggles, let me tell you!

I can't write about how while the darling demons children were out playing with their adorable little friends, I managed to look up five craft projects, 3 home improvement projects, and the perfect pot roast on Pinterest. (Oh, and get all the above done before the Husband gets off work, and walks through the door.)





No, I get to realize half way through the day that I forgot to set out meat, or start a crock pot. This means that I get to rush home at nine, and try and either A) defrost meat in the microwave B) try and figure out if I have anything in the cupboards that doesn't require meat, or C) declare it pizza night, again, for the third time this month. As for the craft projects on Pinterest? Well, I look at them online at about 2 a.m., think they're cute, decide not to repin them, because seriously, who has time for that shit??


Now, before everyone gets their panties all tied up in knots, I want to say that, yes, I do have a sense of humor. It's a little darker than most mommy's blogs. (In case you haven't figured that out from reading this post.) Also, yes, I stereotyped a lot of SAHM blogs, but seriously, have you read some of those things?? Only Stepford wives could be that fucking sweet and perfect.

Now, if you'd like to see what a real SAHM is like (trust me, it ain't baking cookies and snapping cute pictures of how perfect their kids are), I have a few blogs I can recommend:

•  Rita at Fighting Off Frumpy

•  Lori at Random Ramblings of a SAHM  

• Motherhood, WTF?

New Year

Well, it's now 2013. The world didn't end. We didn't go over the dreaded fiscal cliff - well, we probably did years ago, but that's a whole other story.

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Stress (i.e. the case of the disappearing OA)

If you've been around for awhile, you know that Husband and I own our own business. No, that does not mean that we don't have a "real job", or that we can take time off whenever we want. We don't get sick leave, vacation pay, or anything along those lines. If we aren't here, we don't make money. If we don't make money, the kids don't eat and bills don't get paid.

A year ago, we brought another artist in, to join us. The thought was that we would now be able to get more time off work. We might actually get that elusive thing called a vacation, that we hear so much about, but had yet to see for ourselves. (As a side note, a day or two off of work, is not a vacation. It's a few days off.)

Fifteen months after bringing Other Artist (from here on, we'll call her OA) in, we have yet to catch that vacation. If anything, we have been here even more. OA is technically an independent contractor, so we can't set her hours.

When she came in, it was mutually agreed that she would work Sundays and Mondays. It let the studio be open seven days a week, and gave OA two days of not competing with us for clients. She would also work three other days of her choosing. Looks great on paper, right? Well, it isn't so good in real life.

As I said, OA is an independent. That means that when she wanted eight days off in September, we couldn't say anything. Eight days off in May? Nothing we could do. When she took 16 days off in November, we couldn't say a word. When a friend passed away in August, and she was gone for a week, we couldn't say anything. Four days off in June? She's an independent.

However, since our advertised hours are now for seven days a week, we couldn't very well shut the place down. Can you guess who got to cover those five or so weeks off? A gold star if you guessed Husband or myself.

There is an advantage, we - ok, the business - get to make all the money, without paying a commission to OA. But, money does not buy happiness. Nor does it buy stress relief. In fact, working 24 days in a row without a day off, actually buys you quite a bit of stress. Enough stress that it starts affecting your marriage, and your children.

Enough stress that you start to question if your marriage will make it. Enough that it comes down to both of us going to see a counselor. His magic answer? We work too much. It is why we are so hateful to each other, and why we have gotten down right mean. His prescription: Take some time off work, leave town, relieve some stress. Too bad it took us spending $130 a week to find out what our problem was.

Again, looks awesome on paper. I mean, we have OA here to make sure we get more time off, right? Not so simple. You see, three days after being told this, and telling OA this, she took yet another two days off. (If I've added right, that's about 44 days off work this year, not including normal days off. So, we'll add in about 100 (That comes to what? Let's see, 44 + 100 = 144 days.) Again, there were sick and personal days taken off in there, too. So, if I had to guess, it was closer to 165 days off work for OA, in 2012.

Care to guess who got to work these days?

P.S. An average working person gets 2 days off a week, which is about 104 a year. If the working person is lucky, they get seven days of vacation time. That's a total of about 111 days off a year. OA got approximately 54 more days off than the average person. Husband and I got about 54 days less than the average worker. If my math is right, that's 50 days off a year. That comes out to less than a day a week. But, wait, there's more. On our days off, we still have to come in about 20 days a year (adding up the hours that we come in each week, on our "days off",  is where I came up with the extra 20 days.) to return email, get projects drawn, place orders, open the doors, etc, etc, etc, etc. Woohoo!! We got 30 days off this year!!

F*CK!!

I finally rejoined the blogging world, which was great therapy. Then, tonight, my laptop decided it was time to go to the gadget graveyard. Lovely.

Even better? All my tattoo pics are on it. As are all my financial records. Can 2012 be over yet?!?!

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Dream House

About three months ago, I made a wish list for a house. It would have:

3-5 bedrooms
good size kitchen
dining room
pantry
living room
den
basement (finished or unfinished)
2 bathrooms
2 car garage
enough property to put a small guest house/art studio on
outside city limits

5 weeks ago, I found the house. I was told that it had just been vacated, and that it was up for sale, and possible for a lease purchase option.

We went and looked at it, the yard was severely overgrown, and looked like it hadn't been lived in for at least a year. From what we could see through the windows, we were in love. I couldn't have hit the nail more on the head with my wish list if I'd seen the house before hand.

It definitely needed work - new carpet, new paint, some work on the sliding doors and window, definite yard work, and other odds and ends. But, we had found what we'd been looking for!

We were estactic!!

Then...........

We looked up the property on the local CAD......and discovered that it was a foreclosed upon home.

It was taken over by the mortgage company in March.

The former owners didn't vacate until late August, but had refused to take care of the property, as they knew they were going to lose it. That's why it looks like it's been vacant at least a year.

I've been playing tag with the mortgage company for five weeks, trying to find something out on being able to purchase the house. Today, I was finally told that FHA would be taking it back over. I am getting no where....

Do any of you have any suggestions?? How do I go about trying to get this home??

New perspective

The place where my clients receive their art, and in the process, pain.

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The Mess, the Wife, the Mother, the Cryer, the Laugher........

So, after my hiatus, I decided I was way far behind in reading my favorite bloggers.

I already knew that "Are You Serious" was gone. She did it with a simple post along the lines of: "Things are a mess, blogging makes it worse." A year later, I still wonder what happened to her. Ally from "Hyperbole and a half" was suffering depression, and while I found her facebook page, there is little there to go off of. I hope both of these women are doing ok.

I did not know that places such as "Absolutely Narcissism" and "A Life For Rent", we're MIA. "Carrie Bradshaw is Full of Shit", is now also gone. Ok, they may not be completely gone. The pages are there. The bloggers are missing. No new posts for several months now. In the case of Absolutely, the page is there, the posts are no longer available.

I have to wonder - did they, too, wake up one morning and wonder where they had gone? Did the enormity of the world around them make them decide that it wasn't worth writing about their problems? Were they afraid, like me, of getting too personal? saying too much??

I can admit it, now. I am depressed. Not hide-in-a-dark-room-and-speak-to-no-one kind of way. Just the way of I-don't-want-to-take-the-time-to-do-my-hair-and-makeup-because-no-one-gives-a-shit-anyway.  I still make it to work, I still do tattoos, I still cook for my family, do laundry, etc, etc. I just don't want to. I simply force myself to do these things. Otherwise, the whole structure that I have created will crumble. If I don't do these things, I will be the hide-in-a-dark-room kind of depressed.

When I started this blog, I think I was in the same place I am now. I have come full circle. In fact, I think that blogging is one of my self made cures. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, or not. I get to get things off my chest, without anyone telling me I'm wrong for feeling the way I do. Hell, even if a follower does tell me I'm wrong, does it really matter??

It was named "Brain Worms" for a reason. The worms are all those thoughts that just won't go away. The ones that keep you up at night. The ones that don't allow you to function like a normal human being. Well, the worms are back. Not always in my own head, but in someone very near and dear to me. So, in turn, the worms take their turn in my brain, too. I get to hear near and dear's worries, anger, and more. Then, my worms take it, and chew and chew and chew on it, until I start to take them on as my own.

While not every post will be self analyzing, nor will they be depressing, I have found that simply typing things - ANYTHING - out, makes me feel better. It could be that I'm having a shit day, and don't want to be. So, I may make a post about something that made me smile. If I'm pissed, you may get to read about it.

I won't be the next Ally, the next Blogess, or any of the other well known bloggers.

I will be me. The Mess, the Wife, the Mother, the Cryer, the Laugher, the woman with the fucked up sense of humor.

My Time

Husband is upset with me. I know that he's tired, but I'm not. He went to bed hours ago, but keeps getting up every 30 minutes to do random things. I know what it really is, it's to see what I'm doing. To see what is so all important to me, that I'm not yet laying in bed beside him.

I don't know how to tell him what it really is. It's simply that I want some time to myself. We spend 99% of every day together. We sleep together. We wake up together. We work together. We come home together. We eat together. We watch TV together. The only time we are apart is if one of us is in the bathroom, or are running to get that all important daily intake of caffeine for the two of us.

 I think somewhere in his mind, he has it that I don't love him enough to go to bed at the same time. If so, he's way off base. I love him more and more every day. Don't get me wrong, there are days I don't like him. Days I fantasize of bashing him upside the head with a skillet. But, in the end, I love him.

 I'm not a morning person, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm a night owl. I have been for as long as I can remember. Soooo....instead of getting up a few hours earlier, I stay up a few hours later. What do I do with this "me" time? I read blogs, watch meaningless TV shows, read fiction books, surf the internet, draw, watch other people's lives on Facebook and Twitter, read Cracked.com, pin things on Pinterest that I will probably never really do or cook, and I write on my blog on occasion.

 It's actually quite boring. However, it helps me keep my sanity. If I tell Husband all of this, I'm afraid he would think it's just an excuse. That there really is some deep, underlying issue somewhere. What would you do?

This blog....

When I first started this blog, I did so because I was reading so many amazing blogs. Somewhere in my mind I wondered if what I had to say would matter as much to others, as what I was reading.

Here it is a few years later, and I've discovered the answer to this. No, people don't care what I have to say. Not in the grand scope of things, anyway. Sure, my friends - online and in real life - read and comment occasionally. But, that's about it. I found no fame. I found no loyal followers.

I have no one to blame but myself. My posts jump from the funny, to the depressing, to food, and to a personal diary of sorts. I don't post regularly enough for people to give a shit on if they stop by, or skip me over.

Don't take this as a whiny little bitch post. It's more of a what the hell was I thinking? ;) In reality, I didn't expect followers, or to get famous, but it was a nice pipe dream. I've decided I'm going to use this for what I really need it for. A place to vent. A place to come to when my day is shit. When my kids are driving me insane. When the Husband and I aren't getting along.

 I wish I could pretend this was a totally anonymous page, but I know better. My family reads it, Husband reads it, and friends read it. So, with that in mind, I get to wonder how much of what I put up will be censored. I thought about starting a whole new blog, where I could be anonymous. Then I realized with the settings the way they are, unless I go through the trouble of setting up a whole new email and fake identity, even that won't work.

My posts will be like they have been - varied, and off the wall. I may talk about work. I may talk about Husband. I may talk about Children. I may talk about food. I may even post some pics. If you don't like that, then please use the button to stop following me. If you're ok with the fact that I don't follow any set pattern, and pretty much do what I want, then please stay. Invite your friends, or don't invite them. Either way, thanks for sticking along for the ride!

happy......

There comes a point in your life where you realize your happiness is your responsibility, and some one else's happiness is their's.
Too bad some one else doesn't realize it. It's rough to be to be responsible for not only your own, but some one else's, too.

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I'm No Domestic Goddess

In with all the canning I've been doing, I have a lot of jars that get left empty until the next batch of beans, pumpkin, tomatoes, insert-whatever-I-can-cram-in-a-jar, is ready.

So, we started taking home made lunches to work. In jars. I thought I was unique. Forward thinking. Turns out, I'm not the only one who had this idea. Which is actually a good thing, as it meant I could now find out what other people put in their jars for lunches.

Some, haven't been so great, when it comes to trying to get each individual part back OUT of the jar to eat it. (In my defense, marinated steak strips (left jar in the above picture), topped by peas, topped by my Smashed Potatoes *recipe below*, and a liner full of home made sour cream - looks AWESOME in a jar. It's NOT my damn fault that I didn't think the whole marinade thing through, and how hard a cupcake liner of peas would be to get OUT of the jar. They went in so EASY!! However, it was damn good, if I do say so myself. Did I mention, it's cheap? Those jars of food up there cost less than a dollar!! Yes, a whole meal for UNDER a dollar!)

Others, have been awesome. They are the PERFECT jar food, and I find myself now cooking my meals at night as to how well they will convert to leftovers for the next days lunch. And how well I can double a recipe so that the kids will have a fast snack or lunch to grab, heat, and eat. One of these, "mock" White Castle Sliders, is actually BETTER the following day, than they are freshly made. You can find the recipe here: Big Red Kitchen. I know, Ms. Joss makes them look all pretty, and perfect and just the right amount of juice. However, if you are going to make these, please be forewarned that you will most likely be doing more than "blotting" some grease off the top. I, and another blogger, (ok, ok - a REAL blogger!)Groovy Mom , too, had to literally DUMP a cup or two of grease off. Don't let that deter you, they really ARE worth it. The perfect blend of beef, bun, onions and pickle. To have better flavor though, let them sit in fridge over night, and reheat in a microwave - bun and all - the next day.

By doing this, we have cut out fast food almost entirely from our meals. (This is a very, very good thing.) Each jar holds the perfect serving size for us. Mine goes in pints, Husband's goes in pint and a half jars. We aren't tempted to "super size", and then eat more than what we really want or need, to avoid waste.

I'm no domestic goddess, but I do know my way around a kitchen. Some days I wish I didn't. I'm sure every cook has those days though. By thinking ahead, and actually planning for leftovers, I have discovered that the quality of my cooking has gone back up. I am once again making an effort with it, instead of just doing it by routine. In order to make a meal in a jar work, it has to be food that will hold up, and be as good, if not better than it was the day you cooked it.

By doing all our meals in jars, I have it figured out that we are saving approximately $11 a day (yes, I said a DAY), from our at work food budget. As for calories? I haven't sat down and put all numbers to papers, but I do know that a typical fast food meal is around 1800 calories, and an average jar meal is about 400 to 600. HUGE difference.

As promised, recipe for "Smashed Potatoes":

You will need one full size potato, cut into quarters, or 2 - 4 small red or white potatoes, per each adult.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees, F. Boil the potatoes for approximately 8 - 10 minutes, drain.

On a lightly greased cooked sheet, take potatoes, one at a time, and smash them onto the cookie sheet, to flatten.

Top with 1/2 to 1 tsp of butter or olive oil - according to your taste. Season with salt, pepper, or seasoning of your choice.

Bake for 15 - 20 minutes, until potatoes start to brown, and crisp on the edges.

Remove from oven, and serve as is, or as you would a baked potato - sour cream, cheese, bacon bits, etc.

(See, SUPER easy, not to mention CHEAP, if you use whole potatoes in place of baby potatoes. I truly wish I had a pic to show you, as these look really "fancy", and like you put a lot of effort into them! We eat these as both a side dish, and as a main course - depends on the night!)

Who would imagine...

Moat people who run across me on my outside the home, daily life, would never imagine what my life is like.

I'm covered in tattoos. Some days I wear make up, some days i don't. I might be in jeans, shorts, or a dress.

You wouldn't know to see me, that my youngest is being schooled at home.

You wouldn't dream that I have a garden. One that most would be envious of.

Out of that garden, I can some of the most delicious food. At current time, I have 39 jars of food set back for winter. That is just the beginning.

But, to look at the freak that walks past.you in the grocery store, you wouldn't know these things. Most would assume.drugs, or a life of hard times.

It's funny the stereotypes people believe, and the real story behind the person you just passed.

I have a ton of canning recipes, but am always looking for more. I'm getting brave this year - I canned meat.

From the smell, I don't.know that i would suggest ground beef, but time will only tell.

The one thing I can't wait to try is the sweet pickles that are posted here!

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One of the Hardest Things I've Ever Had to do....

Do you know how hard it is to write an obituary? What do you include? What do you leave out? To me, a good obituary can bring the person back to life in the mind, and let the public know that the person MATTERED, and did things in their life. I HATE reading boring obits, that only list date of birth, date of death, survivors, and preceded in death by. For most people their obit will be the ONLY thing every written about them. So, to me, it needs to be personal, and important....I'm so scared I'm going to leave something out....or get a date wrong....or offend someone.....

I'm a shitty blogger. There. I said it. I get all gung ho. Promise to write daily. Then I forget for months. I would love to have a blog that everyone flocks to. That advertisers pay big bucks to be on. However, that would require me actually writing something the fuck on said fucking blog.

I am unorganized. I start shit all the time, and don't follow through. This blog is one of those things. I need to start a schedule. Something like:

Draw 2 hours a day
Blog 30 minutes a day
Tattoo 7 hours a day ( I actually accomplish this one most days! )
Sell Scentsy at least an hour a day

Then my kids (loudly) remind me they're around. Or Husband needs me. Or I go to look at one thing on facebook, and end up there for hours.

So, dear readers, if I even have any left, the only promise I can make is this: I promise to try and write when I can. Until then, please feel free to leave me a ton of comments. Maybe that will convince me to blog more. I doubt it. But it's worth a shot, right?