Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Hair in my food...

Just the thought of eating a piece of hair totally freaks me the fuck out. Don't ask why, I don't understand it either!

Example: Last night I'm eating my home-made enchiladas and some Mexican Rice-a-Roni (more on that later). Underneath my next to last bite, there is a teensy tinsy lil old hair. I don't know who it belongs to. No one in my house has this hair color. No one has visited my home since I made this food last night, to have lost a piece of hair into MY FOOD!!


Now my brain goes into overtime. Did someone break into my house and drop a piece of hair into the food while I was in the living room? Did some evil factory worker at the Rice-A-Roni plant place it in there in hopes that it would be found by someone like me? How much other hair was in that food that I ate, without a clue as to the horrible thing I had just done?

Then the gag factor set in. Literally. I had to force myself to swallow the bile that was building in the back of my throat. Had to tell myself repeatedly, "It's just your head playing tricks on you. There is no way in HELL that you ate a piece of someone's hair and didn't realize it. Just calm down, think about unicorns and rainbows or something." It didn't work. I found myself in the bathroom, on one hand trying NOT to throw up, and on the other, trying TO throw up.

I know, I know, it's not like a piece of hair in my food is the end of the world, or of my life. I mean, is the hair is going to lodge in my esophagus and start growing it's own family? Or that once in my stomach, it's going to call all it's buddies up for a party? Probably not. But then again, it might. And I think that's where my big fear comes from. What if this morning I would have woken up with a distended abdomen all because I ate a stray piece of a mutant's hair? What if as I write this, it's down there doubling or tripling in size?

I have a very active imagination when it comes to stuff like this. For the next two weeks, every little twinge in that area will now become an imagined piece of hair that is mutating, and will soon come through my abdominal wall! (Imagine the original "Alien" movie, and you'll start to see where my mind has taken this.)

Ok, I think I need to go force myself to not throw up over this once again.....seriously. The thought alone is enough to trigger that reflex where my body screams "GET IT OUT, NOW!!".

Damn brain worms, anyway...

We'll get to the Rice-A-Roni story in another post.

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