Friday, March 15, 2013

Update

I told myself that I would chronicle the daily life of living with a man with depression. It didn't happen. I would sit down to write, and as I started each one, I was so overwhelmed with all that goes on each day, I couldn't even out it in to words.
As of this writing, things have not gotten any better. No matter what I do to ensure that nothing pisses him off, it doesn't work. He just finds something else to get mad over. Most days, I'm not even lucky enough to be enlightened as to what it is.
I love him, and I miss my friend, my confidant, my lover, my husband. But, I am being told the reason that all is shit in his life, is me. I don't know if it's true. I know he thinks it is. That's enough. I can't be the reason he's mad all the time, real or imagined.
I have walked away today. A small part of me says it's the right thing to do. The rest of me is screaming to go back, and help.him find the light again. I don't know what to do.
Allegedly, he's been in contact with an attorney these past couple of months, to ensure that if I do leave, I leave with nothing. Again, I don't know if it's real or imagined.
I don't know much at this point, beyond two people who.love each other shouldn't be in the situation we're in. That makes me question how long it's been since he has loved me.
I'm hurt, I'm probably not making Mich sense. Someday, I will get around to details, just not today....

6 comments:

  1. I don't think I have commented before. But I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. You deserve to be happy, whether you find it w/ your hubby or alone. Does he see a counselor or take meds for his depression? If you don't feel comfortable answering that I totally understand :)

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  2. We've been jointly seeing a therapist, for marriage counseling. at first, he alone was supposed to go, but in his mind, I am the one with the issues, so I agreed to go, too.
    he is resistant to the idea of medications, as years ago, he reacted poorly to them. so, the therapist suggested herbal remedies. they work, just not fully.
    I have decided I needed to be fully open here, so that other women will recognize signs in their spouses.
    Men and depression ate different than women and depression. women sleep, mope, etc. Men, on the other hand, get angry, moody, increased sex drive, play the blame game, get aggressive, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We've been jointly seeing a therapist, for marriage counseling. at first, he alone was supposed to go, but in his mind, I am the one with the issues, so I agreed to go, too.
    he is resistant to the idea of medications, as years ago, he reacted poorly to them. so, the therapist suggested herbal remedies. they work, just not fully.
    I have decided I needed to be fully open here, so that other women will recognize signs in their spouses.
    Men and depression ate different than women and depression. women sleep, mope, etc. Men, on the other hand, get angry, moody, increased sex drive, play the blame game, get aggressive, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is a very sad post. It's not the sort of thing I look forward to hearing from you. I'll be sending out some strong thoughts to you, so you will have strength, no matter what happens.

    ReplyDelete
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  6. I just stumbled upon your blog through another blog....and I couldn't leave without saying to be strong...be true to yourself. It sounds like you need a pick me up or two...or three. Hang in there. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete