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Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Something's Gotta Give
Well, its official, we are on the borderline of broke. There's just enough $ to pay the next round of bills.
No one is spending money, so business is slower than its been in the last 12 years.
We have 6 people to support, feed and clothe. If something doesn't give soon, we're gonna have to start cutting back in places that can't be cut.
I don't know what to do.
I hide all my stress and worry....ok, not really....I just don't verbalize it like Husband does. I can look in the mirror and see the black circles under my eyes. My lack of caring if my hair is done. My lack of caring about what i wear. I used to wear makeup daily. Now? I'm lucky if its twice a month.
Husband thinks since I don't bitch about the money, or the issues with the kids, or whatever else is going on, that I don't care about it. I do. Trust me, I do. I just know that constantly talking about just keeps it that much more alive. Right in our faces. Right where you don't think you can even take another breath.
I know its depression. I know what would help it. But, I don't have a magic wand to make it happen.
All I can do is hope, and hold on.
I'm trying......it just doesn't seem to be working.
No one is spending money, so business is slower than its been in the last 12 years.
We have 6 people to support, feed and clothe. If something doesn't give soon, we're gonna have to start cutting back in places that can't be cut.
I don't know what to do.
I hide all my stress and worry....ok, not really....I just don't verbalize it like Husband does. I can look in the mirror and see the black circles under my eyes. My lack of caring if my hair is done. My lack of caring about what i wear. I used to wear makeup daily. Now? I'm lucky if its twice a month.
Husband thinks since I don't bitch about the money, or the issues with the kids, or whatever else is going on, that I don't care about it. I do. Trust me, I do. I just know that constantly talking about just keeps it that much more alive. Right in our faces. Right where you don't think you can even take another breath.
I know its depression. I know what would help it. But, I don't have a magic wand to make it happen.
All I can do is hope, and hold on.
I'm trying......it just doesn't seem to be working.
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Saturday, October 1, 2011
Walking In My Shoes
If you've ever had to physically restrain your child from hitting themself, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever spent two+ hours convincing your child he's not an "idiot", you've walked in my shoes.
If you spend every day walking on eggshells to avoid the next meltdown, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever stayed up til two in the morning, hoping your child's anxiety will go away for just one night, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever watched your child go from smiling and laughing, to saying they want to die, you've walked in my shoes.
If you can't say you've done any of the above, then please....fucking please.....don't tell me you fucking understand. Trust me, you don't. I didn't. Until it was my child.
I don't want your sympathy. Neither does my child. However, I don't want the dirty looks in the store because you think I'm a bad parent, or think my child is a brat.
Trust me, I wish he was. It would be much easy to deal with.
If you've ever spent two+ hours convincing your child he's not an "idiot", you've walked in my shoes.
If you spend every day walking on eggshells to avoid the next meltdown, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever stayed up til two in the morning, hoping your child's anxiety will go away for just one night, you've walked in my shoes.
If you've ever watched your child go from smiling and laughing, to saying they want to die, you've walked in my shoes.
If you can't say you've done any of the above, then please....fucking please.....don't tell me you fucking understand. Trust me, you don't. I didn't. Until it was my child.
I don't want your sympathy. Neither does my child. However, I don't want the dirty looks in the store because you think I'm a bad parent, or think my child is a brat.
Trust me, I wish he was. It would be much easy to deal with.
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Thursday, September 29, 2011
economic meltdown
How I hate this time of year. Everyone is broke, which means that my main customer base has no money. Which in turn, means I have no money.
Maybe I just need to find a millionaire that needs a charity tax write off. I'll be the charity. Sounds good to me, anyway.
I'm tired of the media harping about the "economic disaster". I wonder if they ever stop to think that they are causing half the problem. If they'd quit scaring everyone with all the disaster/downturn stories, people would actually be willing to spend money. Banks would be willing to lend more money. In other words, there would be no crisis!
Just go back to the trade and barter system. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much about it all....
Maybe I just need to find a millionaire that needs a charity tax write off. I'll be the charity. Sounds good to me, anyway.
I'm tired of the media harping about the "economic disaster". I wonder if they ever stop to think that they are causing half the problem. If they'd quit scaring everyone with all the disaster/downturn stories, people would actually be willing to spend money. Banks would be willing to lend more money. In other words, there would be no crisis!
Just go back to the trade and barter system. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much about it all....
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Wednesday, September 28, 2011
(Going) Insane Ramblings
I've been absent again for awhile. No excuses. Just writer's block. Or pure laziness. Or depression. Or I just don't give a fuck about much right now. Or, it could always be stress. I'm not sure which it is yet. I'll probably never know.
So, instead of a full, thought out post, here's a random list of shit that's happened lately.
- I discovered that somehow, my oldest boy managed to hijack my youtube account. It shows my email, and my password. However, it now shows his user name. I haven't figured out how to, or if I even can, change this. For some reason, it pisses me off. I just have an issue with going to post a comment, and it comes up with the user name "XXXmansify".
- We have 2 extra people living in the house now. My 18 year old daughter that my ex took off with 11 years ago is back home. With her boyfriend. With money the way it is, I'm now trying to feed six people on less than I was feeding four people a month ago. I've found a lot of good info on the internet on how to stretch a food budget. Just not a lot of imagination in the menus. But, it's saving money.
- I find myself turning more often to my Valium prescription. I rationalize it as it saves lives of those around me. (Don't take this wrong...I went from taking one or two a month to taking five or six a month.)
- My insurance still hasn't settled on my car that was totalled in June. In fact, they have now decided after 3 months of the stand off that the car can be fixed. The body shops disagree. They seem to think a bent frame would not be safe to attempt to fix. I think my insurance company wants to kill me off, just so they no longer have to deal with me.
- Due to his anxiety/depression issues, my youngest is no longer in a brick and mortar school. Instead, he is taught at home, with online classes through a public school that sits 16 hours from us. It's working out quite well, just a little strange not to drop him off everyday.
- It's September 28th, and it's still way above 80 most days. I'm beginning to think that cooler weather will never come. I never thought I would say this, but I'm craving a day where you can see your breath when you walk outside.
- I'm still tattooing. I'm still selling Scentsy. We've added a pool hall/arcade to our list of shit we do for money. (No, an arcade doesn't make much. All I have to say is you better love video games and pool if you want to open one)
That is all for now. Good day!
So, instead of a full, thought out post, here's a random list of shit that's happened lately.
- I discovered that somehow, my oldest boy managed to hijack my youtube account. It shows my email, and my password. However, it now shows his user name. I haven't figured out how to, or if I even can, change this. For some reason, it pisses me off. I just have an issue with going to post a comment, and it comes up with the user name "XXXmansify".
- We have 2 extra people living in the house now. My 18 year old daughter that my ex took off with 11 years ago is back home. With her boyfriend. With money the way it is, I'm now trying to feed six people on less than I was feeding four people a month ago. I've found a lot of good info on the internet on how to stretch a food budget. Just not a lot of imagination in the menus. But, it's saving money.
- I find myself turning more often to my Valium prescription. I rationalize it as it saves lives of those around me. (Don't take this wrong...I went from taking one or two a month to taking five or six a month.)
- My insurance still hasn't settled on my car that was totalled in June. In fact, they have now decided after 3 months of the stand off that the car can be fixed. The body shops disagree. They seem to think a bent frame would not be safe to attempt to fix. I think my insurance company wants to kill me off, just so they no longer have to deal with me.
- Due to his anxiety/depression issues, my youngest is no longer in a brick and mortar school. Instead, he is taught at home, with online classes through a public school that sits 16 hours from us. It's working out quite well, just a little strange not to drop him off everyday.
- It's September 28th, and it's still way above 80 most days. I'm beginning to think that cooler weather will never come. I never thought I would say this, but I'm craving a day where you can see your breath when you walk outside.
- I'm still tattooing. I'm still selling Scentsy. We've added a pool hall/arcade to our list of shit we do for money. (No, an arcade doesn't make much. All I have to say is you better love video games and pool if you want to open one)
That is all for now. Good day!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
trying this out
I'm hoping since I now have an EVO, and the voice recognition , that I will be able to do this better .
if not better at least faster .
I promise nothing on punctuation.
or spelling.
or that all my words will even make sense.
bare with me while I learn it.
if not better at least faster .
I promise nothing on punctuation.
or spelling.
or that all my words will even make sense.
bare with me while I learn it.
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011
F%CK!!
My insurance company, not naming names (Progressive, Progressive, Progressive), is trying to screw me over. Offering me half of what my now totaled car is worth.
It wouldn't piss me off so bad, but I PAID for that additional $4000 in coverage every damn month, for custom paint and parts. Which, in my world, means that I should get what I've paid for.
Obviously, my world, and the insurance world are not the same.
It wouldn't piss me off so bad, but I PAID for that additional $4000 in coverage every damn month, for custom paint and parts. Which, in my world, means that I should get what I've paid for.
Obviously, my world, and the insurance world are not the same.
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