I can't make decisions!!

I'm the world's worst at decision making. Don't believe me? Here's how a typical morning goes for me:

Crawl out of bed, tell myself, "Jump in the shower, it will only take a few minutes". Instead, I sit down for just a *few* minutes to catch up with e-mails, watch a little TV, check my facebook, check my blog, maybe grab something to eat.

Before I know it, it's an hour later, and I still haven't taken a shower. Finally force myself to take 10 minutes out of my day, and get in the shower.

Get out of the shower, brush my hair, go to the closet.

Here's where the fun really starts.

Grab underwear & a bra - that's the easy part.

Grab a pair of jeans, decide those will be the ones I wear. Look at them again, and decide no, they are too long/tight/faded/short/insert excuse here. Find another pair of jeans, go through same process. Repeat 2 or 3 times. Finally end up putting on first pair.

Start looking through my shirts. Pick one. Put it back - I would have to wear make-up with that one. Pick another - Nope, need to actually do my hair to wear this one. Decide I'll wear a baseball cap for the day. Grab another shirt - nope, definitely won't go with baseball cap, needs hair & make-up done to wear it. Baseball cap idea nixed. Grab another shirt. Nope, remember I don't like the way it makes my arms look. Close eyes, grab shirt at random - it would probably look better if I did hair & make-up while wearing this one. Start to reach for old, over-sized comfy T. Remember Husband is not a fan of that look. Remember that honestly, neither am I. End up grabbing a smaller T-shirt, decision finally made.

Promise  myself I WILL put on make-up. Grab make-up bag, stick in purse.

Promise myself I will NOT pull hair back into ponytail. Grab hair tie *just in case*.

Slip flip-flops  on. Who has time to actually bend down and tie shoes?

Grab keys, and purse. Head to work.

Get there, get distracted, forget rule on not putting hair up in ponytail/sloppy bun.

Get busy, realize at end of day - I never put make-up on.

Get home, feel like a failure. Didn't leave hair down, didn't put make-up on, still don't like jeans, and somehow in the day I ended up with ink or food on shirt.

Say, "Screw this". Throw on baggy pj pants & over sized T.

Watch TV, can't sleep.

Know that I will go throug all the above again in the morning.

Open letter to the children in my neighborhood

Dear overly loud, screaming adorable children,

While I realize that normally our house/front yard/driveway is your meeting grounds every afternoon after school, and every evening afte supper, today is not a good day for it.

You see, I am sick, and I'm not in the best of moods. Most of you have a mommy, daddy, grandma or grandpa to take care of you when you're sick. In my house, I am the Mommy, and since Husband has to work, I get to take care of myself when I'm sick. Yeah, it's not much fun. Yiu have to clean up your own vomit, force yourself to try and eat, and have to get your own blankets & pillows.

Normally, I do not mind you using the basketball goal, or our insane amount of driveway to play on, skateboard on, etc. In fact, normally, as you all know, the only thing I ask is you 1) do not break windows and 2) do not hit my car. I realize on occasion rules 1) & 2) get forgotten. Not once have I mentioned it, or came out screaming like the neighborhood crazy lady.

However, today this may change. Everytime I finally get comfortable, your blood curdling screams come drifting through the window. This is not a good thing for someone to hear when they already feel as if something evil has invaded their insides. In fact, it makes them think that now evil is on it's way to invade my outside, too.

So, please, just for today - go find someone else's yard to invade. Please. I'm asking nicely. If you fail to listen to my nice voice, you may yet get to see the crazy lady side of me show up.

Ok, not really, but please. I'm begging you - take a break for ONE day. You are more than welcome to come back tomorrow! I promise the basketball goal will still be there. As will the insane amount of driveway that is fun to ride your bikes on & pretend parts of it are your own private skateboard park. I pledge to you that I will not call the Magic Genie in to make them disappear overnigt!

Got it? Ok. Thanks. Bye now!

Sincerely,
The Misfit Tattooed Mommy
The Corner
Your Block, TX, USA

Thanks, Husband!

I'd been working on a post about how I hate trying to decide what to wear every damn day, when it happened. The gift I'd been expecting from Husband since Monday, showed up. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Oh, how sweet, Husband got you a present". You would be wrong!! (and yes, Husband, I know you read this, and I know you're thinking, "but I do get you REAL presents all the time! Besides, I TOLD you not to kiss me!" And you're right, you do, and I love them!! However, this one you could have kept all to yourself! As for kissing you, do you REALLY want to go there?)

You see, the present of the day is this virus straight from the evil darkside. It starts out all small, and you're all "that's it? I got this whooped!" Yeah, you go ahead, keep thinking that. Then WHAM!!! It's going to feel like you've been run over by a fucking bus. And not one of those cute little buses either. Oh hell no, this is like the 747 of buses.

I can't breathe, then I can't stop my nose from running. Then I start sneezing & coughing. And hell, that was the EASY part. I've now moved on to no fucking energy what so ever, and have at least 61 goldfish swimming & jumping in my stomach. We won't even go into what the hell is coming out of my body. (If you're picturing the Exorcist, you got it half right).

Now, if I was a good Mommy, I'd be telling my children to run, find a friend to stay with. However, Oldest thinks it is just freaking hilarious that his dad gave me this crap. Now there's this little part of me is thinking, "oh, you think this is FUNNY?? I hope YOU get it so you can see how funny it is NOT."

Ok, not really. I wouldn't wish this upon him at all. I would say I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy (who the hel is that, anyway??). I think though, that I would wish this on Ex. (Yes, Husband, I know we agreed when I started this thing I wouldn't put anything out here that could bite me in the ass. However, I am NOT wishing him dead, or wishing for any serious harm. I am simply wishing that he can experience this lovely virus second by wonderful second! See, now thats not so bad, is it? Oh, it is? Oops....just oretend I never said any of that part then.)

Ok,  im going to go suffer through this crap from the comfort of my bed. Fuck, ok, bed = BIG spiders. Im going to go suffer from the comfort of the couch. Yes, i know im already on the couch, so technically I'm not GOING....Shit, even when im sick, the brain worms think they need to have a say!

Huge spiders do not cure insomnia

Things like that, up there, do not help with insomnia!

Things like that up there tend to freak you the hell out, when at 1 a.m. you finally decide you might be able to sleep.

Especially when said thing is SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR BED.

Needless to say, I did not go to bed. Instead, I grabbed the nearest flip flop and beat the crap out of it, and disposed of the corpse down the toilet.

Then I let the brain worms take over.

In my head, it's brothers, sisters and friends now had me on their hit list. It's hard to think about sleep, when all you can imagine is waking up to find a million spiders all over you, wrapping you in their webs. Preparing you for their dinner.

I didn't go to bed. Instead, I stayed up til 4 a.m. watching True Blood on the DVR.

Would much rather watch hot men with fangs, than lay in bed worried about horrid, furry, evil things with fangs.

Where do their brains go??

Last week I wrote about the fact that Oldest tends to misplace his brain frequently, and gave a perfect example of it.

Today, I discovered that ours is not the only one.

I had realized last night that I had never contacted the seller on ebay about the clothing racks I had won. I sent her a quick note from my Pre, and apologized for not getting with her sooner.

I anxiously awaited her response, as sometimes, sellers are not always the nicest people. Especially if you wait more than 12 hours to contact them about an item.

Anyway, this is what I got in reply to my apology:

"No that is fine I am getting them all cleaned and packed for you. ]

I have to tell you that my 17 year old son left the racks in the rain since he took the pictures for me last Sunday. Rain and Chrome are not the best of friends

I have a few so I will certanly send you the best out of the five and when you received them let me know what you think..... "

See, it's a 17 yr old boy thing.

I wonder if her 17 yr old leaves his brain with the girlfriend, too.

For her sake, I hope not.

Or if he does, then I hope ( again, for her sake) that her 17 yr old's girlfriend is not as psycho, manipulative, controlling, whiny, & spoiled as nice and sweet as our Oldest's is.

#*!&#&!!!! (censored for general viewing)

So, my family and I have opted out of having a computer at the house. (yes, I just heard the collective gasp of horror from all of you) Due to this, if we're not at work, I end up doing what I'm doing at this very moment - logging onto blogspot from my Palm Pre.

I got the brilliant idea that I would check for apps to be able to blog easier while I was at home. This would mean no more only being able to see half the screen as I type, no more limits to length, etc.

Anywho, I found an app - Blogbooster to be exact. It seemed I'd found exactly what I'd been lookinf for! An answer to being able to blog when insomnia strikes.

It promised easy publishing to 4 different blogging platforms, blogspot being one of them. It promised Autocontent - where the app would find pictures, links, and tags relevant to what I wrote. It was love at first sight!

I immediately bought and downloaded it.

It was amazing! Logged me into my blog, downloaded current content & posts from my blog. I wrote out a really good post. Tried the autocontent, and while some of the pics weren't exactly spot on (for example the man standing in front of an open casket - wtf??), for the most part it was amazing!

Then I made the mistake of hitting "Publish". It didn't work.

I waited an hour, tried again. Fail.

Waited 24 hours, tried again. Failed again.

I wrote the word "test". The damn thing uploaded.

Copied & pasted original failed post. AND IT FAILED AGAIN.

Tried contacting the developers. No answer back. Went to their facebook & twitter pages where they promised "instant support". The last posts were from 2 months ago...

I left messages anyway. Never heard back.

Opinion? Blogbooster sucks ass!!

And this is why, once again, I am logged directly onto blogspot and trying to make sure spelling & punctuation are ok, even though I can't see half the screen.

Too many thoughts, not enough willpower to organize them

It's days like this that I ask myself why I ever thought I could do the whole blog thing. It's my second attempt at one, and while I'll admit that this one has already gone further than the last one, I really don't know if I have what it takes to do this!

My problem isn't the fact that I don't have anything to write about. In fact, it's just the opposite. I have too many ideas in my head, and when I sit down to actually get them out, they get all jumbled together.

I could tell you about how the tattooed, weird person started selling Scentsy, or as my (alleged) best friend put it...."so, you're like the Avon lady now?" (insert snorting and laughter).

Or how about how I feel totally vindicated to finally see pictures of Kat Von D (who, mind you, I'm tired of being compared to!) looking less than skinny, and less than perfect?

I could always talk about the last idiot that got his wife's name on him, only to have a very unexpected ending when the tattoo was being cleaned up & bandaged.

Then there's the fact that my life is like my blog: I get started on one IMPORTANT thing, only to be distracted by something else, which is interrupted by yet something else, and so on, and so on.

And, just now, thanks to Youngest, I have an idea that is in my head. It's fresh. It's funny. And I'm posting this rambling mess so I can go get started on something a bit more meaningful!

Don't worry, I will revisit these subjects in future blogs. In fact, I may have just helped myself out by just sitting here and typing some of this out!