I'd been working on a post about how I hate trying to decide what to wear every damn day, when it happened. The gift I'd been expecting from Husband since Monday, showed up. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Oh, how sweet, Husband got you a present". You would be wrong!! (and yes, Husband, I know you read this, and I know you're thinking, "but I do get you REAL presents all the time! Besides, I TOLD you not to kiss me!" And you're right, you do, and I love them!! However, this one you could have kept all to yourself! As for kissing you, do you REALLY want to go there?)
You see, the present of the day is this virus straight from the evil darkside. It starts out all small, and you're all "that's it? I got this whooped!" Yeah, you go ahead, keep thinking that. Then WHAM!!! It's going to feel like you've been run over by a fucking bus. And not one of those cute little buses either. Oh hell no, this is like the 747 of buses.
I can't breathe, then I can't stop my nose from running. Then I start sneezing & coughing. And hell, that was the EASY part. I've now moved on to no fucking energy what so ever, and have at least 61 goldfish swimming & jumping in my stomach. We won't even go into what the hell is coming out of my body. (If you're picturing the Exorcist, you got it half right).
Now, if I was a good Mommy, I'd be telling my children to run, find a friend to stay with. However, Oldest thinks it is just freaking hilarious that his dad gave me this crap. Now there's this little part of me is thinking, "oh, you think this is FUNNY?? I hope YOU get it so you can see how funny it is NOT."
Ok, not really. I wouldn't wish this upon him at all. I would say I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy (who the hel is that, anyway??). I think though, that I would wish this on Ex. (Yes, Husband, I know we agreed when I started this thing I wouldn't put anything out here that could bite me in the ass. However, I am NOT wishing him dead, or wishing for any serious harm. I am simply wishing that he can experience this lovely virus second by wonderful second! See, now thats not so bad, is it? Oh, it is? Oops....just oretend I never said any of that part then.)
Ok, im going to go suffer through this crap from the comfort of my bed. Fuck, ok, bed = BIG spiders. Im going to go suffer from the comfort of the couch. Yes, i know im already on the couch, so technically I'm not GOING....Shit, even when im sick, the brain worms think they need to have a say!
Showing posts with label brain worms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brain worms. Show all posts
Friday, October 8, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hair in my food...
Just the thought of eating a piece of hair totally freaks me the fuck out. Don't ask why, I don't understand it either!
Example: Last night I'm eating my home-made enchiladas and some Mexican Rice-a-Roni (more on that later). Underneath my next to last bite, there is a teensy tinsy lil old hair. I don't know who it belongs to. No one in my house has this hair color. No one has visited my home since I made this food last night, to have lost a piece of hair into MY FOOD!!
WHERE THE HELL DID THIS PIECE OF HAIR COME FROM??
Now my brain goes into overtime. Did someone break into my house and drop a piece of hair into the food while I was in the living room? Did some evil factory worker at the Rice-A-Roni plant place it in there in hopes that it would be found by someone like me? How much other hair was in that food that I ate, without a clue as to the horrible thing I had just done?
Then the gag factor set in. Literally. I had to force myself to swallow the bile that was building in the back of my throat. Had to tell myself repeatedly, "It's just your head playing tricks on you. There is no way in HELL that you ate a piece of someone's hair and didn't realize it. Just calm down, think about unicorns and rainbows or something." It didn't work. I found myself in the bathroom, on one hand trying NOT to throw up, and on the other, trying TO throw up.
I know, I know, it's not like a piece of hair in my food is the end of the world, or of my life. I mean, is the hair is going to lodge in my esophagus and start growing it's own family? Or that once in my stomach, it's going to call all it's buddies up for a party? Probably not. But then again, it might. And I think that's where my big fear comes from. What if this morning I would have woken up with a distended abdomen all because I ate a stray piece of a mutant's hair? What if as I write this, it's down there doubling or tripling in size?
I have a very active imagination when it comes to stuff like this. For the next two weeks, every little twinge in that area will now become an imagined piece of hair that is mutating, and will soon come through my abdominal wall! (Imagine the original "Alien" movie, and you'll start to see where my mind has taken this.)
Ok, I think I need to go force myself to not throw up over this once again.....seriously. The thought alone is enough to trigger that reflex where my body screams "GET IT OUT, NOW!!".
Damn brain worms, anyway...
We'll get to the Rice-A-Roni story in another post.
Example: Last night I'm eating my home-made enchiladas and some Mexican Rice-a-Roni (more on that later). Underneath my next to last bite, there is a teensy tinsy lil old hair. I don't know who it belongs to. No one in my house has this hair color. No one has visited my home since I made this food last night, to have lost a piece of hair into MY FOOD!!
WHERE THE HELL DID THIS PIECE OF HAIR COME FROM??
Now my brain goes into overtime. Did someone break into my house and drop a piece of hair into the food while I was in the living room? Did some evil factory worker at the Rice-A-Roni plant place it in there in hopes that it would be found by someone like me? How much other hair was in that food that I ate, without a clue as to the horrible thing I had just done?
Then the gag factor set in. Literally. I had to force myself to swallow the bile that was building in the back of my throat. Had to tell myself repeatedly, "It's just your head playing tricks on you. There is no way in HELL that you ate a piece of someone's hair and didn't realize it. Just calm down, think about unicorns and rainbows or something." It didn't work. I found myself in the bathroom, on one hand trying NOT to throw up, and on the other, trying TO throw up.
I know, I know, it's not like a piece of hair in my food is the end of the world, or of my life. I mean, is the hair is going to lodge in my esophagus and start growing it's own family? Or that once in my stomach, it's going to call all it's buddies up for a party? Probably not. But then again, it might. And I think that's where my big fear comes from. What if this morning I would have woken up with a distended abdomen all because I ate a stray piece of a mutant's hair? What if as I write this, it's down there doubling or tripling in size?
I have a very active imagination when it comes to stuff like this. For the next two weeks, every little twinge in that area will now become an imagined piece of hair that is mutating, and will soon come through my abdominal wall! (Imagine the original "Alien" movie, and you'll start to see where my mind has taken this.)
Ok, I think I need to go force myself to not throw up over this once again.....seriously. The thought alone is enough to trigger that reflex where my body screams "GET IT OUT, NOW!!".
Damn brain worms, anyway...
We'll get to the Rice-A-Roni story in another post.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Holy Hell!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT look up "Brain Worms" on Google images. I don't think I'm going to be able to eat for a week. In fact, I may need to poke my eyes out with a fork!
So, since I just found those lovely images, maybe I need to explain a little!! By "brain worms", I mean the thoughts that will NOT leave you alone in your head. You know, those little things that start off small, but then decide that you need to dedicate your entire day/week/month/life to. Things like bills, ex husbands, assholes in general, things you should have done different, etc, etc. I sure as hell did not mean those monstrosities on image search!!
So, since I just found those lovely images, maybe I need to explain a little!! By "brain worms", I mean the thoughts that will NOT leave you alone in your head. You know, those little things that start off small, but then decide that you need to dedicate your entire day/week/month/life to. Things like bills, ex husbands, assholes in general, things you should have done different, etc, etc. I sure as hell did not mean those monstrosities on image search!!
The worms must be working overtime tonight...
Here it is almost 2 a.m., and I'm still as wide awake as most of you would be at 4 p.m. I'd like to say that it's due to the fact that the cricket that jumped out from under my pillow last night as I crawled into bed, scared the living shit out of me, and gave me a complex over crawling into bed again. Not the case though.
Ok, one part of that is true - the damn thing caused me to scream like a little girl, and in the process gave Husband a mild coronary...which actually turned it into a funny situation. That's a whole other blog post, right up there with the time the Itsy Bitsy Spider decided he needed to share my pillow.
Ok, now I'm sounding like a girly girl, and that is so not me. I'm coverd in tattoos, I scare parents when the children get within 10 feet of me. (i promise, I won't eat them/sacrifice them/turn them to the darkside). You, the parents seem to be screwing them up quite well without my help, thank you very much!
And this is where the Antichrist part comes into play. I live in Smallville, Texas, USA. I am female. I have multiple large tattoos - some of them involving *gasp* the naked female form. I work as a tattoo artist and body piercer. Did I mention Smallville is predominantly Baptist? Yeah, it's a ton of fun being me down here, let me tell you! There is not a lot of acceptance from the people who preach "judge not lest ye be judged". I wasn't kidding wen I say parents pull small children away if they get within 10 feet of me.
I told you the Brain Worms were working overtime tonight. My thoughts are all over the place...I get started on one subject, and another pops to the front of the line in my head.
Now I'm wondering what chocolate covered crickets would taste like. I've tried BBQ mealworms, surely chocolate covered crickets have to be as good, if not better. Right?
Hmmm...maybe I'm going at this blog thing the wrong way. I'm an artist, should I maybe be drawing a blog instead of writing one?Who knows...
Ok, the worms aren't going to let me do this right tonight, I get the hint. Maybe I have ADD and don't know it. I seem to always have this problem. Start one thing, and end up in 5 different directions, and usually all at the same time.
Good thing I'm not one of those people who started a blog with the intent of a bunch of readers who fall instantly in love with me, and send me lots of money. I think I'd probably starve to death.
Death - I have a few people I wish that on right now. No, no - I'm not going to kill them, silly. I simply wouldn't be devastated if they magically disappeared from my world!
Ok, one part of that is true - the damn thing caused me to scream like a little girl, and in the process gave Husband a mild coronary...which actually turned it into a funny situation. That's a whole other blog post, right up there with the time the Itsy Bitsy Spider decided he needed to share my pillow.
Ok, now I'm sounding like a girly girl, and that is so not me. I'm coverd in tattoos, I scare parents when the children get within 10 feet of me. (i promise, I won't eat them/sacrifice them/turn them to the darkside). You, the parents seem to be screwing them up quite well without my help, thank you very much!
And this is where the Antichrist part comes into play. I live in Smallville, Texas, USA. I am female. I have multiple large tattoos - some of them involving *gasp* the naked female form. I work as a tattoo artist and body piercer. Did I mention Smallville is predominantly Baptist? Yeah, it's a ton of fun being me down here, let me tell you! There is not a lot of acceptance from the people who preach "judge not lest ye be judged". I wasn't kidding wen I say parents pull small children away if they get within 10 feet of me.
I told you the Brain Worms were working overtime tonight. My thoughts are all over the place...I get started on one subject, and another pops to the front of the line in my head.
Now I'm wondering what chocolate covered crickets would taste like. I've tried BBQ mealworms, surely chocolate covered crickets have to be as good, if not better. Right?
Hmmm...maybe I'm going at this blog thing the wrong way. I'm an artist, should I maybe be drawing a blog instead of writing one?Who knows...
Ok, the worms aren't going to let me do this right tonight, I get the hint. Maybe I have ADD and don't know it. I seem to always have this problem. Start one thing, and end up in 5 different directions, and usually all at the same time.
Good thing I'm not one of those people who started a blog with the intent of a bunch of readers who fall instantly in love with me, and send me lots of money. I think I'd probably starve to death.
Death - I have a few people I wish that on right now. No, no - I'm not going to kill them, silly. I simply wouldn't be devastated if they magically disappeared from my world!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)