How Things Change

Things have changed a lot in my universe, since my last post many moons ago.

Youngest boy lives with us full time. No meds, and he's back in a brick and mortar school. He's even going on the STEM trip to San Francisco this summer. My little one, is no longer little. He's taller than me.  Which is bittersweet, but it happens to all kids.

We've opened up a 2nd tattoo studio,  75 miles away from the original one, and it's keeping us busy. Busier than we expected. But, we've hired two more artists, so hopefully we will be able to start taking more time off. Total bonus.

I've all but stopped selling Scentsy, it was a decision I thought long and hard about. I still keep my account up to date,  so that I can keep myself in supply of my scent addiction.

In December, I signed up for a then little known company, called Younique. I had no intention of selling it, I just wanted the kit. Needless to say, that didn't work as planned. (Like anything ever does, right?) I played with my kit, posted a few pictures  of me wearing the 3D Fiber Lash mascara,  and that was all she wrote. I was addicted, and so were a lot of people. In my downtime from the studios, my energy is directed towards working with my team of over 50 people, helping them realize their dreams.

I won't promise that I will be here much. I sinply dont have a spare minute most days. But you're welcome to check out my new blog at www.youniquebeautybybabette.com It concentrates on the makeup, but with a personal twist.

Update

I told myself that I would chronicle the daily life of living with a man with depression. It didn't happen. I would sit down to write, and as I started each one, I was so overwhelmed with all that goes on each day, I couldn't even out it in to words.
As of this writing, things have not gotten any better. No matter what I do to ensure that nothing pisses him off, it doesn't work. He just finds something else to get mad over. Most days, I'm not even lucky enough to be enlightened as to what it is.
I love him, and I miss my friend, my confidant, my lover, my husband. But, I am being told the reason that all is shit in his life, is me. I don't know if it's true. I know he thinks it is. That's enough. I can't be the reason he's mad all the time, real or imagined.
I have walked away today. A small part of me says it's the right thing to do. The rest of me is screaming to go back, and help.him find the light again. I don't know what to do.
Allegedly, he's been in contact with an attorney these past couple of months, to ensure that if I do leave, I leave with nothing. Again, I don't know if it's real or imagined.
I don't know much at this point, beyond two people who.love each other shouldn't be in the situation we're in. That makes me question how long it's been since he has loved me.
I'm hurt, I'm probably not making Mich sense. Someday, I will get around to details, just not today....

I'm a Lazy Bitch...

I've once again neglected blog land. Not that it matters, as no one reads this anyway. Like, seriously, I think I've had 4 page views in the last month, and 0 comments. (Woohoo!! I suck at blogging, too....)

I'm tequila drunk at the moment. You see, I'm suffering from a horrible cold, and took the advice of an elderly Hispanic gentleman. Needless to say, the cold isn't bothering me much at the moment.

Things on the marriage front, well, to be frank, haven't changed much.

I go through most days wondering if I'm as useless as I'm told I am. No lie.

I have little, to no, passion for art at the moment. Considering that is how I make my living, that is probably not a good thing...

The tequila bottle is on the counter, tempting me with thoughts such as, "If you just have one more drink, things will get better." I know it's a liar, but am giving in to temptation anyway. If nothing else, I'll be so drunk I won't give a shit.

The house I lust after is still in limbo. I'm trying the whole think positive, and what you want will come your way. So far, it's not working. I can see myself, and my husband and kids living there. I just can't figure out how to make it happen.

I try to be happy, and go lucky. It's not working.....

Sometimes I Just Need To Vent...

<p>So, I know I've mentioned the Husband ans I are going to counseling. We have yet to have a session together. I know how strange that sounds. However, the counselor does not feel that one of us is receptive at this time.<br>
One of us feels that they do no wrong, and that the other one is all at fault. That if the other one would only listen, and do what they are told, it would all be butterflies and rainbows.<br>
I totally get why we haven't had a session together yet, I really do. Deep inside, I know that when that session happens, the next few hours, days, or possibly even weeks, will be rough. Rougher than it even is now. <br>
Not that things aren't rough now. Believe me, they are. If I dare to express my opinion, or disagree with something as simple.as what time we should leave, I get the anger, the being ignored.<br>
The past few months, my new "punishment" is that he refuses to sit.at the dinner table with us. Everything can be going great, then I say that I don't agree with some thing or another. BAM!! It's yelling, then he's off to the bedroom, TV on. I tell.him dinner is ready, and I get told to shut the fuck up, to go away, and that he's not hungry. Somewhere in there will be a snide remark about how he has no say so, and is "only a paycheck". It doesn't matter that we both work and make similar incomes. Anyway, the kids and I will go ahead and eat. About 30 minutes later, he will venture.out of the bedroom, and do one of three things:
1) Sneer at whatever I've made,.shove the plate across the table, and make something of his own,  2) Actually eat what I've cooked, but mutter under.his breath the whole time,.or 3) Do either of the above and take off back to the bedroom to eat, slamming the door for added effect.
I'll admit that the.first few times, I was deeply hurt. Then, I started getting pissed. How dare he get on to the kids for.throwing tantrums and.pouting, when he's one of the.best in the house at it??

I'm not OK with that.....

There's a page on Facebook that thinks it is humorous to refer to a 6 year old girl, and "tapping that". I have a lot of things I would love to say, but right now, I am so outraged I don't know where to start. I did leave a few comments on his page, but I know that deep down it won't make a difference to him, or his admins.

The thing is, in a group of five or six men, if one makes a rape joke, chances are there is a rapist in the group. That is a sad, scary, statistical fact. When the rapist hears that, he doesn't hear it as a joke. He hears it as confirmation that ALL men are rapists, and that what he has done or is going to do, is ok.

Interviews with rapists show over and over, that those who have been caught for rape fully believe that all men do the same things. They just haven't been caught, yet. 

So, what does a page that makes fun of "tapping" a 6 year old do? For a man (or woman), who has either considered raping a child, or has raped a child - they just got confirmation that it's perfectly ok. 

You know what, I'm not ok with that.....

Bad Mom

I let my boys sleep in until 1 p.m. today. They're teenagers, so 1 p.m. is acceptable, isn't it??

I simply did not want to listen to them fight about who got to use the bathroom first.  (Does it make me a bad momma, knowing that at some point in the past, I've told one of them to just go outside??)

Or, who was responsible for the internet being slow, due to who's game was using the most bandwith. (It's a video game, for fuck's sake, does it really matter if you have to wait two seconds longer to talk to your friend in Australia, as you're running around following creepy looking little girls?)

By letting them sleep in, I didn't have to listen to them argue over who's turn it is to feed the dogs, carry out the trash, or do the dishes. (If you can't feed the dogs, then I guess I don't need to feed you!)

Yes, y'all. I'm a bad mom. I let them sleep in until 1 p.m., simply so I had an hour or so of peace and quiet. I was being selfish, in a way, I guess. However, I did wake them up when it was time for me to leave and go to work.

Now, they can fight and bicker all they want. The only ears there to hear it will be their own, and the dogs, that they will probably forget to feed......

Fun Mommy Blogger? Sorry, no!

I admit it, I read all the funny mom blogs, the stay at home mom blogs, the stay at home dad blogs, etc, etc. I often wonder if I could turn my life into something like that. Just leave out all the shit real stuff, and concentrate on those small moments in the day that someone might find funny. Then, reality hits.

I can't get on here and write about how wonderful my mornings are, and oh wasn't that SO CUTE when my twelve year old wouldn't get out of bed, after I'd relaxed in my spa shower, and had five cups of coffee. How I finally got him out by cooking a gourmet breakfast, with cute little fruit animals that I magically carved in fifteen seconds.

My normal day consists of trying to convince myself that yes, I really do need to get my ass out of bed. Pronto. I will push it to the absolute limit, leaving barely enough time to throw clothes on some days. Forget about breakfast (lunch?). Don't even think about make-up and hair. I simply don't allow myself enough time.  As for getting the kids up? Forget about it, I can't get them up with a crow bar most days. It finally comes down to standing at the door, pounding and yelling that they either get up, or I dump them out.

I'm not one of those moms that get to stay home all day, and bitch nicely joke about how hectic my day was. (Don't get me wrong - SAHMs do have their work cut out for them, but really, so does every parent, working or stay at home. And, to be blunt - most SAHMs don't have these perfect, sunny days they like to write about. Trust me, I know. I tried the SAHM gig for awhile.) I sure can't talk about how cute it was my friend Suzy brought her son, John Boy over for that perfect play date.  Oh, and isn't it just so adorable that the hellion sweet boy tried to attack the dog 5873 times, with a water gun?

The reality is, I do have a lot of that happen, but guess what? I'm at work! So, that means that in addition to working eight to twelve hours a day, I get phone calls about how the 19 year old is being mean, or the the 12 year old is being disgusting. Then, I get to go home to all the cumulative messes from the day, and spend four hours trying to get things back in order. Yep, that's a shitload of giggles, let me tell you!

I can't write about how while the darling demons children were out playing with their adorable little friends, I managed to look up five craft projects, 3 home improvement projects, and the perfect pot roast on Pinterest. (Oh, and get all the above done before the Husband gets off work, and walks through the door.)





No, I get to realize half way through the day that I forgot to set out meat, or start a crock pot. This means that I get to rush home at nine, and try and either A) defrost meat in the microwave B) try and figure out if I have anything in the cupboards that doesn't require meat, or C) declare it pizza night, again, for the third time this month. As for the craft projects on Pinterest? Well, I look at them online at about 2 a.m., think they're cute, decide not to repin them, because seriously, who has time for that shit??


Now, before everyone gets their panties all tied up in knots, I want to say that, yes, I do have a sense of humor. It's a little darker than most mommy's blogs. (In case you haven't figured that out from reading this post.) Also, yes, I stereotyped a lot of SAHM blogs, but seriously, have you read some of those things?? Only Stepford wives could be that fucking sweet and perfect.

Now, if you'd like to see what a real SAHM is like (trust me, it ain't baking cookies and snapping cute pictures of how perfect their kids are), I have a few blogs I can recommend:

•  Rita at Fighting Off Frumpy

•  Lori at Random Ramblings of a SAHM  

• Motherhood, WTF?